Colors
by EpicallyObsessed
Summary: Kendall Knight is looking for a fresh start. James Diamond wants to forget his painful past. When the two meet, a friendship quickly forms. In the middle of their budding friendship, desire blooms unexpectedly. When the past comes knocking, James and Kendall will have to reach through the darkness to find the light they see in each other, or risk slipping into the shadows for good.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello everyone! No, your eyes are not fooling you, a new story really is here. :P With Meant To Be ending soon, I figured I'd go ahead and post this first chapter since this will be taking that story's place when it's done.**

 **Not much to say except that this first chapter is a bit of a prologue.**

 **I hope you all enjoy! :)**

* * *

It was as if Kendall Knight had just driven through a fucking time portal. He'd started out in the current day, but the moment he'd crossed the city line into Lakeview, he was sixteen years old again, spending his days hiking and fishing and sneaking away to make out with his best friend, Dak. The same friend he hadn't spoken to since his family dragged him out of town that same year they spent kissing.

Not a phone call. Not a letter. Not a damn text. Nothing.

"Fuck." He rubbed a hand over his face. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, yet it sure had felt like it originally.

He wouldn't turn back, though. There was a part of him needed this, needed to make peace with his past in a way he'd never let himself. Needed to remember who he was back then so he could try to find himself again. He'd lived a lot of life since leaving Lakeview-some of it pretty good, and some of it as low as you could get.

So far down that he was ashamed and hated the idea of anyone, much less his old friend, knowing the depths of his past. He was in a good place now. He had been for a while, but lately...he'd just felt the tug to go.

He needed a fresh start, a simple life, to figure out who the fuck he was and what he wanted. There was nowhere better to do that than Lakeview.

He hoped.

Kendall didn't have the windows down, but he could still smell the familiar scent of his hometown-pine and nature. Fresh air and the lake.

He'd missed it. He'd known that for a long time, but it wasn't easy going home again, especially when you felt like you were a completely different person from the one who'd been there before.

How would the old Kendall and the new Kendall merge? And would the person he was now even fit in Lakeview? If people knew where he'd been, would they accept him?

As he continued through the middle of town, past the small movie theatre and Golden Spoon-the diner where he'd spent most of his youth-he was both eager to start a new life here and sad about the one he lost. He'd be lying if he didn't admit there was some guilt thrown in there too.

A big part of that guilt circled around one person: Dak Zevon.

The first guy he'd ever kissed, the first guy he'd had an orgasm with, too. The first person who knew he was gay, and one of the people he respected most in the world. Kendall had missed him. God, he'd fucking missed his friend.

He made the drive straight to Dak's old place. Sure, he had shit to do, but none of it was as important as seeing Dak and creatively explaining where he'd been all these years. The thought of giving him the whole truth made nerves skitter down Kendall's spine.

He was proud of who he was, knew mistakes didn't make the man, but yeah...some things a guy just didn't want to tell anyone.

Hell, he hadn't even known if Dak still lived in Lakeview until he made a stop at the gas station and asked. He figured word couldn't get around to Dak that he was back before he could make the ten-minute drive to Dak's place.

He still lived on the same property he'd grown up on, in his own house, but with a second driveway, from what he'd been told. Kendall didn't know why that made him smile-the thought of Dak finding his own independence while still taking care of his mom, the person he loved most in the world.

She'd suffered from severe mental illness most of Dak's life. He'd been her caretaker; he would have done anything for her. Not many people were as good as Dak.

When he pulled up, there was both a truck and a car in front of the small house. It was exactly the kind of place he could see Dak living in-rustic and simple. Homey, with dark wood and a small porch. Nerves gnawed at his bones as he sat in his Charger, letting it idle. His hands shook slightly, but Kendall ignored it, turned off his vehicle, and got out.

He pulled his sunglasses off as he bounded the stairs leading to Dak's front door. There would likely be anger, and Kendall figured he had that coming. Or hell, maybe Dak didn't give a shit. Maybe Kendall was overreacting and Dak had forgotten him years ago, but he knew one thing-he'd never forgotten his old friend.

Kendall rapped on the door. It was only a moment later that he heard a guy call out, "Just a minute" in a voice that didn't sound like Dak's. But then, he hadn't heard Dak's voice since he was a teenager, so what the fuck did he know?

The door opened. Kendall's brow pulled together, and a knot twisted in his gut. "Jett?" What the fuck was Jett Stetson doing at Dak's place?

He thought back to all the times he'd heard Jett and his friends give Dak shit when they were kids. All the times he'd tried to get them to leave Dak alone, without Dak knowing of course, because he would have hated Kendall sticking up for him. He was independent that way. And Jett had been a dickhead. One of Dak's biggest bullies, yet now he was answering the door at his house?

"Holy shit." Jett replied. "You're who I think you are, right?"

Either his memory of their past was fucked, or a whole lot more had changed in Lakeview than he could have imagined...though he wasn't sure why. People changed. Most of them weren't who you thought they were. He knew he'd changed.

"I think so." Kendall replied, even though it was a stupid answer. "I'm sort of feeling like I might not know much right now."

"Who is it, babe?" A sleepy voice came from behind Jett. The second he heard it, he knew it was Dak...and babe? He'd called Jett _babe_?

Jett pushed the door open further, then turned to look behind him. Kendall somehow knew he had a supportive look on his face for Dak, and Jesus, what in the fuck had happened since he left? Maybe he wasn't the only one who would have a story to share-though it looked like Dak's was happier.

Kendall's eyes caught Dak's just as his old friend's feet rooted to the floor. There was a brief moment of shock-of denial-and then, "Kendall? Holy shit, man. I can't believe you're here." And then Dak was moving toward him.

He pulled Kendall into a hug, wrapping his strong arms-that were a whole hell of a lot bigger than they had been the last time Kendall had seen Dak-around him.

He should have known that in some ways it would be this easy. When you shared a part of yourself with someone that no one else knew, that bond was hard to sever. But in other ways? Yeah, this would be fucking brutal. They had a lot to talk about. Kendall had a lot to apologize for, but the way Dak squeezed him, he hoped it would be okay.

"It's so good to see you." Kendall said into Dak's neck. They parted, and he realized Dak had the same kind eyes he always had. There was a part of him that felt no time at all had passed. In the years since he'd left, he'd never had a friend who meant as much to him as Dak had.

"It's good to see you, too." Dak replied.

"I'll give you guys some time alone." Jett said, reminding Kendall he was there. He felt like rubbing his eyes to make sure he was seeing things correctly.

"Hey, no. It's okay. You don't need to go anywhere." Dak said as he put a hand on Jett's back.

"It's cool." Jett replied. "I'm sure you guys have a lot to discuss. Plus, you wore me out a little earlier. I'm going to take a shower. I'll be in our room if you need me." Jett patted Dak's ass, and Kendall smiled. He knew exactly what that was-Jett was staking his claim, and Kendall was damn happy Dak had that. No one deserved it more than him.

"You're so crazy." Dak looked at Jett, and Kendall could see how in love with the man he was. He couldn't believe it, even though it was right in front of his face.

"Crazy about you." He winked. Dak leaned in and kissed him briefly on the lips before Jett disappeared into the house. _Their_ house, apparently.

"Jett Stetson?" Kendall cocked a brow.

"Lot's changed since you left."

"You can say that again."

"He's not the same person he was."

Kendall nodded. "Didn't think he was. Not if he snagged you."

Dak stepped onto the porch and closed the door behind him. "She's a beauty." He tilted his head towards the car.

Small talk. Kendall could do that.

"Thanks. I take it you still love cars?"

They walked towards Kendall's cherry-red Charger. "I do. I have my own shop in town." Dak said as he ran his hand over the hood of the vehicle. "You know how much I've always loved having my hands on a car engine."

"I do." Kendall replied. "I also always knew you'd find a way to make your dreams come true. You look happy, Dak, and I'm happy for you."

"I _am_ happy." He stopped, turned to Kendall, and he knew exactly what was coming. "Where'd you go, man? Where have you been?"

He sighed, wishing all the years hadn't separated them. Wishing he'd contacted Dak sooner. Wishing some of his past wasn't as embarrassing as it was. That he didn't have things to be ashamed of. "How much do you know?"

"Next to nothing. I know we walked out of the woods that day. You got caught skipping, though I'm not sure how your parents knew about me. Then you were gone."

Kendall opened his mouth, but Dak cut him off. "Maybe we should sit down." He walked over, opened the bed of his truck, and they took a seat in it.

He looked at Dak-the way he'd changed over the years, the way he'd filled out-more muscles, his strong jawline. His dark hair was similar, but seeing Dak, seeing the changes, made him angry about the friendship they'd missed, even though most of it was his fault.

"I don't really know what came over me that day. I guess...I guess I was just tired of lying. Of hiding. Hell, we rarely even hung out with each other because we were so damn scared that someone would find out about us. So I admitted to my parents that I was gay. The angrier they got, the angrier I got. Basically, I was a stupid fucking kid."

He'd tried to provoke them at that point, telling them he'd been in the woods with a boy. "I didn't tell them it was you. I wouldn't out you that way. But they knew...somehow, they knew. I honestly thought it would just blow over, but the next thing I knew, we were driving across the country to stay at my aunt's farm."

He took a couple of deep breathes, not really wanting to go on but knowing he had to. Did he have to, though? Did he have to tell Dak all of it?

"It was weird, man. It was like something had come over them. They thought they were protecting me. From what, I don't know. My sinful ways, I guess. As if I wouldn't be gay anymore if I wasn't here. My aunt lived out in the middle of nowhere. They homeschooled me. We went to church, and that was the extent of my social interaction outside of the fuckig grocery store and things like that. I just...started to lose myself. It was killing me. They were killing me." He said the last line more softly. The guilt swam around in him again, a current trying to tug him under. It felt like a betrayal to talk about his parents that way now...since they were gone.

Dak caught his eye. "What do you mean by that, Kendall?"

He knew Dak understood what he was saying, but that he needed Kendall to say it.

"It was hard. I was ripped away from everything I knew. My parents were fighting over what to do with me. My dad was angry and my mom was scared. You know how she was, even with the church out here. I was alone, lost. Part of me wondered if there was something wrong with me. I hated myself for making my parents fight. They never fought until I told them about me. One day…" Fuck, he hated mentioning this part.

He wasn't ashamed of it, not really. But it was hard to look back on how he'd felt then. "One day it was too much, so I swallowed a bottle of pills."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Kendall." There was a panic to Dak's voice that he'd expected. Fear, sadness. How could there not be? Yes, there would be for anyone, but especially for Dak.

 _And that's not even the whole of where of I've been. How would you feel if you knew it all?_

"I'm okay, obviously. I wasn't for a while-mentally, at least. They got me to the hospital, and I was fine. I did inpatient for a couple of months. My parents...they were devastated, and I was...angry. At them, at myself, at fucking everything." He'd rebelled, and he couldn't even say what he'd rebelled at. Life? All he'd known was, things went downhill from there, and it had landed him in prison.

He really didn't want to tell Dak that part.

"Why didn't you contact me?"

This was the hard part. How did he explain it to Dak without making him feel guilty? How did he tell him he didn't want Dak to worry about him the way he'd done with his mom? That he didn't know at first if he would ever get better, and he'd known Dak.

Dak would have blamed himself. If they hadn't gone into the woods that day… Or if he'd never kissed Kendall for the first time… If there was anything he wanted, it was for Dak to never have regrets about the two of them. Kendall didn't.

Once he'd gotten locked up, he sure as shit wasn't going to call Dak. He ignored that truth, telling himself it wasn't important. He didn't owe anyone that part of himself.

"I called you once. I was eighteen. I'd only been out of impatient for a couple of weeks. I called and you answered, but I couldn't speak. I just listened to your voice until you hung up." He'd been high at that time. He'd liked drugs after inpatient, and that had led him down the destructive path.

"You didn't want to burden me." Dak said softly, realization in his voice.

"I can only claim that excuse for a little while. Eventually, I got through it-the depression. I don't suffer from it anymore." He wanted to make that clear. Yes, he'd tried to protect Dak in the beginning, but later? Later it had just been his own weakness-his shame of who he was.

"After a while, I told myself it was in the past. Why dredge it up? We were grown. I made excuses. How did I know if you still lived here? Maybe I was a piece of your past you wanted to forget. They were excuses and I'm sorry. You were my best friend and I was wrong."

They were both quiet for a few moments. Kendall gave Dak the time he needed. And when Dak said, "I missed you, man. I'm glad you're home," Kendall exhaled a deep breath, even though Dak's words were slightly stilted.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Dak replied. "But for what it's worth, I'm sorry too."

Neither of them moved, and Kendall somehow knew Dak was waiting for him this time. "Seriously, Dak. Jett fucking Stetson?" He said again. "You gotta let me know how the hell that happened. And God, he's fucking hot."

Dak laughed. "No shit. Half the time, I can't believe he's mine."

They sat in the back of the truck for at least an hour and caught up. Dak told him how Jett had come back after his father's death, how they'd made amends and fallen in love. He talked about Jett's artwork, and going to LA, and even his own blown-glass art.

He could hear the love in Dak's voice, and it brought a smile to his face.

They talked about Dak's mom and the help she'd gotten. About inpatient not too long ago and the new meds. It wasn't perfect, but it was oftentimes better. And she didn't let herself depend on Dak the way she used to.

He told Dak about the loss of his own parents-the car accident-but didn't say he hadn't been there because he'd been in prison.

Then Dak stood up from the back of the truck bed and said, "Why don't you come inside? Eat dinner with me and Jett. I'd really like for the two of you to get to know each other."

Kendall nodded and stood as well. "I'd like that. Thank you."

As he followed Dak inside, he hoped he could carve out his own piece of happiness here, too. Hoped that he and Dak could gain some kind of friendship again, because even though they were talking, he could feel the difference. It wasn't the same.

* * *

 **Done! So, you got a bit of Kendall's background this chapter as well as his reunion with Dak, who will kind of play a big role in this.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! Like I said, this will take the place of Meant to Be when it's done so updates will be a little sparse until then, but the next chapter will be up sometime next week, where you all will be introduced to a certain someone! :P**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello again everyone! The second chapter is here!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read the first chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Insomnia fucking sucked.

It was something James had dealt with off and on for years, but he'd had a good, long stretch of blissful sleep up until the past month or so. Yeah...it fucking sucked.

He could clean, but his small apartment was spotless. Living alone in a one-bedroom, he didn't make much of a mess.

He could work on a car in the garage, but his didn't need it, and he didn't have a project car right now. He could cook, but he hated cooking-or at least, he wasn't very good at it. Eating he liked-especially the homemade donuts from Golden Spoon, and their pie.

Fuck, he loved their blackberry pies. They were always a perfect cure for his sweet tooth. For what wouldn't be the first time in the past few weeks, he pulled on the pants he'd worn earlier in the day, found a clean sweatshirt, and headed out to his car at two in the morning.

He really needed a life.

It was Sunday night, which meant his friend Logan would be working. He'd picked up two night shifts a week for the past couple of months as a favor to the owner of the diner. It was kind of wreaking havoc on his life, though. Plus, his husband, Carlos, typically worked the graveyard shift, which caused a bit of trouble with their schedules.

Logan was the type who would always help out when someone needed it, and as much as James enjoyed his company in the middle of the night, he hoped they got it sorted soon.

It took his Charger a few minutes to warm up. Fall had begun to descend on the Oregon town, which meant a lot of fog, rain, and dreariness. Maybe that was why he'd been a little bummed lately-the change in seasons.

It only took him a few minutes to make the short drive to the diner. They were often slow at night. He'd always been surprised they were open twenty-four hours, but Logan said it had always been that way.

Mostly everyone who lived in Lakeview was a lifer, born and raised there, except for James. He enjoyed hearing stories about things that had happened over the years. There were times he felt jealous he didn't share the memories, and others when he was grateful because small towns could be a bitch for escaping the past.

He was surprised when he saw a red Charger sitting under a streetlight in front of the diner. He fucking loved Chargers. The car lover in him wouldn't allow James to not park beside the vehicle that was the same as his-the only difference being James' was black. Subtle, which looked a hell of a lot better if you asked him.

He turned off the engine, and through the window, saw Logan standing at the counter talking to a guy he didn't recognize. He might not be a lifer, but in the time he'd lived there, he knew it wasn't often you saw someone you didn't recognize. Whoever this guy was, he was new and obviously had good taste in cars.

The bell over the door jingled when James waked inside, and both Logan and Charger Guy turned to look at him. A smile split Logan's face, and he couldn't help but smile too. He was thankful for his newfound friendship with Logan, which started months ago after a night out with his friends Dak and Jett.

"I always feel bad for being happy to see you because it means you're having trouble sleeping." Logan told him.

"I was thinking the same thing before I came." James said before noticing a long-sleeved black shirt stretched across Charger Guy's back.

"Well, as always, it's good to see you, but I wish it was when the sun was up." Logan winked at him and then nodded towards the guy, who turned around on the stool he was perched on. "Kendall, this is James Diamond. He works with Dak at the shop. James, this is Kendall Knight. Lakeview native who recently returned and also has an odd desire to spend time at Golden Spoon when he could be in bed."

James held out his hand. "Nice to meet you. In my head, your name was Charger Guy. I have a soft spot for them not many people understand. Mine's out there, too."

"Good to meet you, Other Charger Guy." His green eyes darted toward the window. "You have good taste. Except the color, of course."

A rough laugh jumped out of James' mouth. What were the odds? "I shit you not, I thought the same thing about you when I came in. It'll be hard to overlook, but with some time, I think I can forgive your color choice." Cherry red was a little flashy for him. Funny, Kendall didn't strike him as a flashy guy.

"Please, before you know it, I'll have you switched over to my team. It's useless to attempt to put up a fight."

The three of them chuckled before James realized he still held on to Kendall's hand. He dropped it, shook his head, and said, "We'll see about that." He moved around the two of them to take a seat at the bar.

Logan shook his head as he headed for the other side of the counter. "What are you craving tonight?" He asked. "Donut? Coffee cake? Pie?"

"Pie it is." James replied. "Blackberry and a hot chocolate, please."

"I swear, I wish I had your metabolism. It's not fair."

Logan put the order in and made his way back to the counter just as Kendall excused himself to use the restroom.

"He seems like a nice guy." James said as he rubbed a hand over his face, suddenly feeling tired again.

"He is. I like him a lot. I'm not sure how long he's going to last being back home, though."

"Why don't you think he'll last?" James questioned, watching as Logan shrugged.

"I don't know. I don't have the right to think that, I guess. You know how gossip travels in Lakeview. I heard he doesn't have to work-made some money somehow. Bought a house not far from here, which I guess shows he's around for a while. He up and disappeared with his family when he was sixteen. It was strange. Here one day, gone the next. No one knew they were leaving. I'm not sure what happened. Oh my god, I'm turning into a Lakeview gossiper. Ignore me."

"Eh. You're not so bad." James teased, noticing how tired Logan looked. He knew Logan and Carlos had it rough, trying to make ends meet. James reached out and squeezed his hand just as Kendall returned.

"Logan, orders ready." The cook said.

Logan grabbed James' sugar rush, then excused himself to work, sweeping the restaurant as James dug into his pie.

"You're sugar. I'm spice." Kendall said.

"Huh?" What was that supposed to mean?

"You can't sleep and you crave sugar. It's salt for me. Salt and fried foods."

"Now I'm craving french fries." James teased. "But I guess this is better." He took another bite of his pie. The blackberries were the perfect mix of bitter and sweet, just the way he liked them.

"Looks like we're going to have to disagree again, and I'm also claiming being right for a second time."

James chuckled. It was a funny coincidence that they had the same car-different colors. They obviously both suffered from insomnia and snacked their way through it, only in different ways. "You enjoy that fantasy world you live in."

They were quiet as James finished his food and drink. Kendall's plate was already empty, but he sipped at whatever he was drinking from a mug-coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate? James didn't know, and he wasn't sure why he didn't ask either.

He finished just as Logan made his way back to the counter. "You can go ahead and charge me, Loges."

"Not staying long tonight?" He asked.

"No. I should at least _try_ to get some rest before I go to work tomorrow. Last thing I need is to fall asleep under the hood of a car. My boss is a real slave-driver." Logan smiled and shook his head in response. They both knew Dak wasn't anything like that.

"I think I'm going to head out, too." Kendall said.

Logan prepared both of their checks, and they paid. When they got to the door, Kendall pulled it open for James.

"Thanks, man." He replied as he walked out.

The two of them stopped in front of their vehicles. Kendall broke the silence. "I hate to admit it, but the black isn't so bad."

"Yeah...I guess the red isn't either. Little flashy for my taste."

"Hey, you trying to bust my balls? I was being nice."

"Nah, just giving you shit." James shrugged before looking as his car. "This is really the only thing I've ever done for myself like this." _Well, shit._ He wasn't sure why he'd said that. Kendall cocked his head slightly as though he was trying to figure something out.

"That won't do. You should treat yourself more often. If you don't, who will?"

Kendall's statement hit close to home-more than he realized. "I guess you're right about that."

The two of them stood there for a moment like a couple of idiots. James wasn't sure why he didn't just get into the car or why Kendall didn't do the same.

Finally, it was Kendall who broke the silence. "Guess you should get some sleep. Wouldn't want you to make your boss angry."

"I was teasing. Dak's a good guy."

"Yeah...yeah, I know he is." His voice went a little soft, maybe sad. Kendall pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans as though he was slightly uncomfortable.

 _Hmm..._ that was interesting. Though he guessed it made sense that they knew each other if Kendall grew up here. He could see it, though, the story in Kendall's eyes. He and Dak had some kind of history.

The wind blew, making a chill rush down James' spine. "It was nice to meet you." James said, and before they stood there all night, James walked to the driver's side of his car. Kendall did the same.

"Maybe I'll catch you around sometime, Sweet Tooth."

He didn't know why, but the nickname made a grin tug at his lips. "Yeah." He replied. "Same to you."

Kendall got into his car, revved the engine, and pulled away.

James stood there a moment, watching his taillights until they disappeared.

* * *

Kendall had forgotten how dreary Oregon in the fall could be.

Every morning there was a thick layer of fog that hung against the trees surrounding his property. The sky had a dark, gray tint to it. Some mornings he'd sit on the wraparound porch, coffee in hand, and look out at the land-this town had been his home, his world, for years-and it was somehow both eerie and welcoming.

He'd needed a change something fierce. It was why he came. He'd lived a lot of life since he'd left Lakeview-loneliness, denial, depression, suicide attempt, prison, the death of his parents, college, porn… The list went on. Kendall couldn't help but wonder if he would fit here now, if there would be a space for him-especially if people knew his past-but the truth was, he was pretty good at carving out his own space. His past showed that, and he'd hoped he'd be able to do it again.

Start over. Rediscover who he was and what he wanted. He'd done it over and over, and now? Now he wanted to settle. It was exhausting reinventing himself. Losing and finding himself-though he'd guessed if he'd ever truly found who he was, he wouldn't have then become someone else. Or hell, maybe he would have. Life was funny like that.

Kendall pushed off the chair on his front porch and walked inside. His house was ridiculous-much too big for him, but he fucking loved it-a two-story, gray, farm-style home with four bedrooms and a balcony in his master bedroom.

It was the kind of place his mother would have loved. Being in it made him feel a little closer to the parents he'd lost.

He had a troubled relationship with their memory. They'd lost each other; his parents had hurt him...but they'd loved him too. They'd been sorry, tried to make amends, but that had been hard when Kendall was behind bars for a drunken assault he had no business committing.

It sure as hell was quiet, though.

"What the fuck am I doing?" Kendall mumbled to himself as he walked to the kitchen. He made himself a omelet, washed his dishes, and then went up the hardwood stairs to his room and logged on to the computer.

Instead of doing anything productive, he browsed social media, then checked his email before he made his way to the shower, washed and changed into a fresh pair of clothes, and then...nothing.

He was already bored out of his mind.

It was close to two weeks since Kendall showed up at Dak's place, and three days since he ran into the hot guy with the brunet hair and a sweet tooth at Golden Spoon.

He was lonely, which he should have expected he'd feel. Kendall always felt a little lonely, but being back here and so out of touch made it dig its claw deeper into him.

Kendall grabbed his hoodie, pulled it on, and then went for shoes and socks. He'd go grocery shopping because that was a real fucking barrel of laughs. But hey, at least it got him out, and food was always a good thing to have around the house. For...oh...five minutes or so, shopping would at least keep his mind off the fact that he had no fucking clue what to do with his life.

It was drizzling softly as he made the short drive to the local grocery store. He pulled his hood over his head when he got out, and jogged into the building.

Two carts were stuck together. After fiddling with them for a second, he pulled them apart and then made his way down the aisles of the very same store he used to shop at with his mother.

Lakeview worked that way; some things never changed.

First things first. Kendall made his way to the frozen-food section. He tossed some frozen fries, tater tots, and microwave meals into his cart…which was mostly all he needed.

Figuring he should at least try to eat like an actual human being, he made his way up and down the aisles, throwing things into his cart here and there.

"Oh, hey." He heard, and his eyes snapped up. Hot Sweet Tooth stood in front of him.

"Hey."

"I'm surprised I didn't see your flashy car in the lot."

Chuckling, Kendall shook his head. "Such a ball buster. What did I ever do to you? Hide your cookie jar?"

"Ha ha. Very funny." James replied. "I think my shopping trip looks much healthier than yours." He carried one of the small baskets, which was filled with bread, cold cuts, mustard, and mayo.

"Who are you and what did you do with Sweet Tooth?" Kendall asked, arching a brow.

James sighed playfully. "Fine, you figured me out. This is food for the shop. I'm picking it up for Dak. How does he eat this way?"

They chuckled together before Kendall answered with, "I don't know, but I'm slightly worried about his well-being."

"You and me both."

It was funny how easily they fell into this sort of playful relationship. It wasn't as if he knew James well enough to joke around with him the way he did, but it was comfortable. They both seemed to feel it with each other.

James' eyes skated around as if he was suddenly uncomfortable. Maybe he was thinking the same kind of thoughts Kendall was, or hell, maybe he was thinking, _"I wish this weirdo would leave me the fuck alone."_

"You look nice and rested." Kendall said. _You look nice and rested? What in the fuck was that?_

James' brows pulled together. "Um...you too? And thanks. I don't feel it, but that's okay."

There was another moment of silence before James said, "I thought you didn't always eat like that."

"I don't."

"Liar."

"Fine. Yes, you got me. I eat like a sixteen-year-old boy, and there's nothing you can do or say to make me feel bad about that."

Again, the two of them laughed. A woman walked by, smiled uncomfortably, and kept going.

"We're scaring the locals." James teased. "And I should...I should probably get going. Dak will probably start wondering where I am."

"I wouldn't want to keep you."

James rubbed the back of his neck.

Kendall scratched his hand.

He felt like he was being weird but wasn't sure if it was in his head or not. "Well, it was nice to see you in the light of day. I hope you have a good one and...get some sleep."

"You get some sleep, too." James waited a moment as though he thought Kendall might say something else. Kendall wanted to, he realized, wanted to keep talking, but he didn't know what about.

He just wanted to talk to _someone_ , and he thought James was a nice guy. Plus, he couldn't ignore the fact that James was close to Dak too.

The emptiness in his chest suddenly felt bigger.

"It was good seeing you." Kendall added.

"You too." James replied, then started to walk away.

He got a few feet away before Kendall called out, "Hey."

James stopped, turned, and smiled at him. He looked so damn innocent when he smiled. "Can you tell Dak I said hi?"

James frowned as if that hadn't been what he expected, and Kendall's curiosity peaked at that. Was he interested in Kendall? Nah, Kendall didn't think so. He wasn't even sure if James was gay.

"Yeah, of course I'll tell him." James replied; then he really did walk away. Kendall stood there, watching him go, and felt more alone than he had before.

* * *

 **Done! So, Kendall and James have officially met! And it seems like they have no problem getting along. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! You won't have to wait too long for the next chapter. I plan to have it up within the next few days. :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello again everyone! :D**

 **Before we dive into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Guest, winterschild11, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

The other night waiter wasn't nearly as friendly as Logan-not that James could blame him for being quiet. He'd always been sort of quiet himself. Plus, most people didn't really thrive being up all night. He'd be grumpy if he had to work graveyards, too. He was likely a little strange for being here in the middle of the night, insomnia or not.

The house always always seemed lonelier at night, though, which prompted him to come to the diner. Funny how that happened.

James' eyes darted up when he saw lights move across the window. A car pulled up front, and he felt a small smile tug at his lips when he saw the red Charger.

"Here you go." The guy set a plate in front of him that carried a large cinnamon roll with lots of icing, just how he liked it. He was thankful they'd hired someone else, so at least Logan didn't have to work as much.

"Thanks, Rowan."

He nodded at James in response. His hair was black, though James was pretty sure it wasn't his natural color.

As the waiter disappeared, the door opened. Kendall walked in, rubbing a hand over his hair as he did so. He wore jeans and a tweed jacket, and for some odd reason, James tugged at the neck of his hoodie before scratching his nape.

Kendall looked around the restaurant. There was an older couple on the opposite side of the room-James didn't know who they were-likely traveling and making a stop to rest. The lake in Lakeview was a fairly popular spot for Oregonians, though usually not at this time of year.

Kendall continued to let his eyes take in the room. When they landed on James, the right side of his mouth tilted up in a half grin.

James gave him a quick nod as if to say hello, and Kendall walked his way.

"If it isn't Sweet Tooth. I sort of feel like you're following me. Twice here and then at the grocery store."

He tried to come up with a nickname on the spot, but nothing came to him. "Yeah, but I was basically working when I saw you at the store, and you came to me. And tonight I was here first. The first night was a fluke. If anyone's stalking anyone, I'd say you're the one being creepy with me."

Kendall chuckled. It was a real sort of laugh-hearty and rich-not one someone gave just to be polite. "Nope. Not me. I don't like people who drive black cars. They're judgy."

"It's not judgy if it's true. Don't blame me if you have to draw attention to yourself with a flashy car." He liked teasing with Kendall, which might be sort of odd since they didn't know each other.

He had kind eyes, though, with small wrinkles around them as if he'd squinted at the sun. He was the kind of person who made you feel comfortable and who came off as genuine. There weren't enough people who made others feel that way. Plus, there was something about him that seemed a little lonely. James thought it might match the look in his own eyes. He's spent his life feeling alone off and on. It had been worse since he and Stephanie drifted apart...since they lost Emma.

He took a deep breath, trying to fight those thoughts.

"Are you going to sit together?" Rowan asked. The guy had sneaked up on them without James realizing.

Kendall cocked a brow as if in question, and James shrugged. "You're welcome to, if you'd like. I can put up with you for a little while."

"Always giving me shit." Kendall replied before taking his jacket off and sitting down. "I don't need a menu. Order of fries and a Coke, please."

"You got it." Rowan nodded before walking away.

"I wonder if the fact that we're unable to sleep has anything to do with our diets." James joked. For him, it was hot chocolate and sugar.

"Nah, our diets keep us happy."

They laughed before James pulled a piece of his cinnamon roll off and popped it into his mouth. It was so good, he nearly moaned. He chewed, licked his lips, and then realized Kendall was watching him. "Problem?"

"You're enjoying that."

"Am I not supposed to?"

Kendall shook his head. "Not saying that. Just an observation. You should always take time to enjoy things."

James cocked his head slightly. Yes, he agreed with Kendall, but most people didn't speak the way he did; they didn't just make statements like that, and they sure didn't live them. Something about Kendall told James that he did-that he walked the walk, but maybe he hadn't always, and he'd learned from it.

"Oh no. Now I've done it. You're trying to figure me out."

"No." James shook his head. "I mean, maybe? I agree with you, but I think it's easier said than done."

"Of course it is. There's no question about that. It's worth it, though."

Yeah, James figured it was, but it was also something he'd always sort of struggled with. Some things he was better at than others. He was working on it, doing what was right for him. Not questioning who he was or feeling the need to desire things he just wasn't passionate about, even if it likely made him a little strange.

"Well, this is easy to enjoy." James pulled off another piece of the warm, sweet roll and ate it.

"Yep." Kendall gave that half grin. "It really is."

* * *

Kendall could tell that James didn't realize he was talking about how easy _James_ was to enjoy. There was no doubt he was easy on the eyes, hot as hell in a subtle way.

He had a soft, innocent sort of face, with enticing hazel eyes, greener toward the iris and a light brown along the edges. They held secrets in them, and Kendall had no doubt he'd seen a lot. When you met as many people as Kendall had, when you'd fucked people you didn't know, you learned to look for signs of who someone was.

His face was clean-shaven, unlike Kendall's stubble. His cheekbones soft, lashes long and sooty-yeah, really fucking hot.

And straight. Kendall was pretty sure James was straight, so he needed to get those thoughts out of his mind right now.

"So...how'd you end up in Lakeview?" Kendall asked just as the waiter set his fries and drink in front of him. Kendall picked up the salt shaker and liberally shook.

"How about some fries with your salt?" James replied.

"I know. It's my downfall. I don't use this much very often, though. Only with fries, and only once in a while. It's like heaven on a plate."

James shook his head but grinned.

"Lakeview?" He prompted again. James interested him for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that he looked a little lost, or the fact that, crazily, they drove the same car, or hell, maybe it was just because he had a sexy voice and was pretty to look at.

Whatever the reason, Kendall didn't plan to deny himself as long as James enjoyed his company. His whole point in coming back here had been to...hell, be happy. To try and remember who he used to be.

"I'm from Northern California-Redding area. I…" James paused, took a drink of his hot chocolate, and Kendall could see that he didn't want to give all the information.

"No obligation. Tell me to shut up if you need to, or skip around in the story-Oh! We can tell half-truths and half-lies and try to figure out which part of our stories are real and which aren't."

"It's one in the morning and you want to play Two Truths and a Lie?"

"Do you have a better game in mind?"

"I didn't know a game was a necessity."

"It's not." Kendall shrugged, popped a fry into his mouth, and moaned. "Jesus, this is fucking good. Want one?"

He could tell James wasn't sure how to respond by the way his brows pulled together. Not to the fry thing, but to Kendall in general. "I promise I'm not crazy. Well, not _completely_ crazy, at least." Kendall winked at him.

"Just a little." James made an inch with his fingers. "I think I'm going to have to skip most of the details. It's way too heavy for tonight." He glanced down, and Kendall wished he could take the question back. The last thing he wanted was to bring up something that hurt James.

"Subject change?" Kendall offered.

"It's okay. Let's just say, I needed a change but didn't know where to go. I was newly single, nursing a broken heart for a whole lot of reasons, had no obligations, so I jumped into my car and drove. I stopped in random towns, explored...just let myself _be_ , if that makes sense. It was…"

"Freeing?" Kendall replied. "Sounds like it."

"It was. Perfect way to put it. I figured I would know where to stop when I got there, or hell, that maybe I'd turn around and go back home. I'm pretty sure that's what I assumed would happen. I'd leave, but then come back. I'd never lived anywhere else."

"I've lived in a lot of places. It's not all it's cracked up to be." He ate another french fry. "So, you stumbled upon Lakeview and fell in love?"

"No." James shook his head. "I'm a mechanic. I didn't have a lot of money, and I was quickly beginning to run out of it. I had some extra from selling my house but not a lot, and I knew it wouldn't last long. I stopped to spend a few days at the lake, Dak had a Help Wanted sign up, and I never left."

Kendall leaned back and crossed his arms. "I'm impressed. That surprises me."

"Why? Because I don't drive a flashy car I'm not adventurous?" James tossed back at him.

"There you go giving me shit again. Here I am, being nice and giving you a compliment." Although James had hit the nail on the head-he didn't seem like the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type of guy.

"Fine, you win. I'm not very adventurous."

"Guilty conscience? I didn't say anything."

"I can see it in your eyes. You had your doubts. You think I'm boring."

Kendall put his feet up on the booth seat beside James, who cocked a brow at him. "What? I'm getting comfortable. I have a feeling we're going to be here for a while. And I promise you, I don't think you're boring." He'd snagged Kendall's attention and had yet to let go.

"Glad I have you fooled."

Again, they chuckled. He liked James-enjoyed his company. He'd be lying if he didn't admit part of him had thought this was what it would be like with Dak when he came back. Not that he thought they'd fall back into who they'd been as kids, or that he'd come here wanting a relationship other than friendship with Dak, but as shitty as he was, there had been a part of him that hadn't expected Dak to be in a serious relationship. That hoped being around his oldest friend would help him calm all the shit going on inside his head lately. It felt awkward to push too hard with Jett in the picture.

"Cut yourself some slack, Sweet Tooth."

James didn't reply to that, just asked, "What about you? How did you end up back in Lakeview?"

"How long do you have?"

"I would say all night, but I should at least make an attempt to get some sleep."

Kendall paused for a moment and thought. He could talk about when he'd been forced to leave, about life right after Lakeview, but that wasn't something he liked talking to people about. It was a dark time in his life. Dak was one thing because he deserved to know, and hell, Kendall hadn't even told Dak the whole truth.

He could mention always feeling like something was missing, that he just didn't fit. That he'd spent most of his life trying to figure out who he was but had never been sure if he had the answer.

He sure as shit wasn't mentioning prison. He could talk about getting into the adult entertainment industry. It was all of those things that led him back here, but again, it felt like too much to share with someone he didn't truly know.

So he gave the realest truth he could in the shortest amount of words. "Decided it was time to try and find myself again. Made sense to come to the last place I knew who that was, the last place I saw myself."

James' eyes grew, the shock at Kendall's reply written plainly on his pretty face, etched in the lines of confusion on his forehead, and maybe what looked like understanding in his frown.

It was a few minutes before James replied. "I guess I always hoped I could do that here, too."

"Is it working?" Kendall asked.

"I'm trying."

"That's all we can do." Kendall said before clearing his throat. "Did you always want to be a mechanic?" He asked, figuring they needed a lighter topic.

"Yeah. My dad is one. Never really thought of doing anything else."

They spent the next little while talking about random shit-the lake, cars James was working on, the house Kendall bought, even the fucking weather.

He wasn't surprised when James said he should probably get going. It was close to three in the morning, and James had to be at the shop by eight.

They paid, walked out together, and Kendall was at his car when James said, "Hey."

Kendall stopped and looked at him.

"I love sugar, I have trouble sleeping sometimes, and I won't be here tomorrow night around the same time."

Two Truths and a Lie. Not being here the next night was obviously the lie. Kendall felt his grin in his chest. "It's a date, Sweet Tooth."

"See ya then, Salt Fiend."

* * *

What the fuck had James been thinking?

His brain was stuck on what happened the night before.

He was pretty sure Kendall was gay. He didn't know for certain, but thought so. It didn't matter to him either way, but he couldn't stop wondering if maybe Kendall thought James was gay...or bisexual.

Had it sounded like he'd been flirting with his spontaneous two-truths-and-a-lie comment? Was Kendall's "date" comment just a figure of speech, or had he thought James was using that as a cute way to ask him out?

James didn't really flirt or ask anyone out, and if he did, it was a woman. He wouldn't know how to be cute and funny while asking someone out if he tried-and most of his life, he'd never tried except when he was trying to prove something to himself or someone else. James hadn't had the interest.

So even if he'd wanted to ask Kendall out, he wouldn't have done it-and definitely not that way. Also, he was straight and wouldn't be asking a guy out anyway.

He didn't think so. Right? He had to be straight. He'd know if he'd ever had interest in men. How could he not?

 _But you've never had real interest in women either...no one except Stephanie._ That truth was a sore spot for James, and he decided not to think about it.

Also, his worry about Kendall thinking they were going on a date might make him an asshole. What, because the guy was gay, he'd automatically be attracted to James? Want to date him? It wasn't that he believed that-he didn't, it was just...his thoughts were all twisted and confusing and-

"Boo!"

His heart jerked in his chest when it shouldn't have. "What the hell, man?" He asked as Dak burst into laughter behind him.

"Sorry. You're spacing off, and I just couldn't help myself." His friend and boss playfully nudged his arm. "You okay?"

James stood straight, realizing he'd been bent over, staring under the hood of a Ford for God knew how long, going back and forth between wondering if Kendall thought he'd asked him on a date and realizing he was a prick for thinking it. "Yeah, just tired. Been having trouble sleeping lately."

"You've been saying that a lot. Have you always had insomnia?"

"Off and on. Been worse lately." It had started when he and Stephanie lost Emma, when the pain had been unbearable and Stephanie had started to pull away. It was manageable now, and he couldn't say why it was wreaking havoc on him again. "I think it's because my boss is always riding me. Real hard-ass, that one." He teased.

"Funny, Jett's always saying I ride him hard, too. He likes it that way. He's pretty fond of my ass. Not sure you should be talking about it, though."

"You fucker." James shook his head and chuckled. It was good to see Dak truly happy. He hadn't realized Dak wasn't until Jett came to town and they fell in love. "I don't swing that way, remember?"

He saw a moment of panic in Dak's eyes. "I'm giving you shit. That was inappropriate, and I shouldn't have said it."

James frowned and wiped his greasy hands on his coveralls. Did Dak think he would take offense to his teasing? "I know. You might be my boss, but you're my friend, too. I know you better than that." _Ask him… Ask him about Kendall…_

 _Why do I even want to know?_

Instead, what came out of his mouth was, "You gonna help me with this fucking transmission or what?"

It was a rebuild, which always took a while, but first, they had to get it out and taken apart.

They got to work, and James tried to ignore the burn of his scratchy, tired eyes and his ridiculous Kendall freak-out from earlier. Still, it was only a few minutes later that James found himself asking, "You knew Kendall from when you were kids, you said?" Obviously, he'd said that, and obviously, James knew it. Again, what the fuck was his problem?

"Yeah." Dak replied without looking at him. "He was my best friend. My only friend, really, but no one knew. I was too determined to be strong and not need anyone." His voice was rougher than usual, making James wonder if there was more to the story than that. "He and his family left town last minute, didn't tell anyone they were leaving or where, so I lost track of him until now. It's strange… I always wished he'd come back. I'm really glad he did, but...it's different. Never mind, ignore me."

"He never called? Texted?" James asked. That didn't sound like the Kendall he knew, but did he really know Kendall at all?

Dak didn't answer right away. James was just about to say never mind when Dak spoke. "It's a long story."

 _Fuck._ He was being nosy, and he didn't even know why. "Sorry. It's none of my business."

"I wouldn't mind telling you, but it's not all my story to tell."

Realization hit James and made him feel like even more of a dick. He was snooping around for information on Kendall when he shouldn't. He hadn't given Kendall all the answers last night, and it was shitty not to respect Kendall's limits as well. "You're right. I don't know what's wrong with me. Lack of sleep is fucking with my head."

They were quiet again, but James felt Dak's eyes on him. He spent a few minutes trying to ignore it, but when he couldn't, he tilted his head up to let his gaze snag on Dak.

There were all sorts of questions playing at Dak's mind, peeking out through his eyes and his body language. His mouth opened, closed, and he shook his head as if he wasn't sure what he was doing. Finally, James said, "Spit it out, man."

"Are you interested in him? In Kendall?"

He jerked his hand back at the question-why, he didn't know. He hadn't expected it, but his response still made no sense. Pain pierced his finger, a delayed reaction of sorts. "Fuck." James pulled his hand close to his body, blood running down his skin. "Motherfucker." He squeezed his finger and made his way over to the sink, turned the faucet on, and let the water run over it.

"Gonna need stitches?" Dak asked.

"I don't think so." James replied without turning around. "Paper towels and duct tape should do the trick."

Dak walked over, opened the cabinet, and pulled out the first-aid kit they kept in the stall. He grabbed James' hand and started cleaning the wound with ointment and wrapping it, obviously not agreeing with James' way of handling it. "You know, a simple _yes_ or _no_ would have sufficed. You didn't need to try and take your finger off."

"Ha fucking ha. You're a real comedian today." When Dak didn't reply, he said, "I'm not gay or bisexual." He was pretty sure sex just didn't appeal to him at all, which was hard to admit, even in his own head. _But I loved it with Stephanie…_

"I didn't think so, but Jett has always wondered. Plus, you never date, and then you were asking about Kendall…"

"Wait... Jett thinks I'm gay?" His father had asked him once before too-only Dad wouldn't have been okay if the answer had been yes.

"He thought you were bi...or at least bi-curious."

Whatever the fuck bi-curious was. Well, he had a pretty good idea what it meant, but he didn't know it was a thing. He wasn't that-bi-curious. He didn't think he could be. The curious part had to mean he'd felt some interest, but he hadn't-not in men or women until he'd fallen in love with Stephanie.

Those thoughts weren't something he'd say aloud, though; they weren't something he'd ever said. James cleared his throat. "Nah, just happy on my own." He forced himself to say.

"Fair enough." Dak replied. "You were there for me when Jett left. You helped me pull my head out of my ass, and you had my back with the shop and with my mom. I'm here for you, too. If you ever want to talk, I'm always around."

James nodded, an unfamiliar knot in his throat. He'd never considered talking about his problem to anyone-not even Stephanie-but he thought there was a quiet part of him that wished he could talk to Dak. He would feel comfortable talking to Dak, he realized.

"So, we trying that threesome or what?" Jett's voice came from the open stall. James jerked back, just realizing that Dak had been finished with his finger but still held on to his injured hand.

"You wish." Dak replied, but didn't seem to be worried that his boyfriend truly thought anything was going on. Considering Jett apparently thought he was bisexual and all.

"He's hot, but you're enough for me." Jett said as he stepped closer and put his arms around Dak from behind.

"Threesome?" James asked.

"Oh shit. I forgot he didn't know about that." Jett said.

"It goes back to him thinking you were bi. When he first met you, he thought I was interested and teased about a threesome." Dak explained.

Okay...so this was new. "I'm not really sure how to respond to that. I guess I'm flattered he thought you were so attracted to me?"

Dak didn't get a chance to reply before Jett said, "Wait, I was wrong? You're not bi? Huh...I'm not wrong very often. Strange."

"Cocky motherfucker." Dak told him, but James was struck dumb. That had been one of the oddest conversations of his life.

* * *

 **Done! So, we had more Kames interaction this chapter! We also learned a little more about James this chapter, who seems to have a past.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter should be up sometime this weekend!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

The rest of the workday had gone on without any other weird incidents, though James himself was still a little on edge. He was tired as fuck, confused as fuck, and his brain was still going fucking crazy. That was a whole lot of fucks.

He and Dak locked up just after five. Dak opened his mouth, and James was sure he planned to apologize again for earlier, but he stopped when James shook his head.

"We're good."

"I'm glad. And if you're wondering, I haven't known Kendall for a long time, not since we were kids, but there isn't a doubt in my mind he's a good guy." Without another word, Dak went for his truck, climbed in, and started it. Without much choice, James did the same with his vehicle.

His eyes were scratchy the whole drive home. He needed some sleep. If he was smart, he'd stay home and make sure he got it, lie there counting sheep...or cars or something much cooler, until slumber found him. Maybe that was what he'd do. He'd call Golden Spoon and leave a message for Kendall that he wouldn't be going that night.

James frowned when he pulled up in front of his apartment to see the landlord's car there and the man himself standing by James' door. It was a small unit, only four apartments in one building. The older gentleman had always been nice, was incredibly reliable, but he didn't make random visits.

After the day he'd had, the last thing James needed was to discover something was wrong with his apartment.

He climbed out of the car and waved at George, who stood under the porch light. Strangely, James had always liked daylight saving time. He enjoyed nighttime and looked forward to it getting dark early.

"How's it going? Everything okay?" James asked as he stepped onto the cement slab in front of the door.

"Hi, James. It's going okay. I'm afraid I have a bit of bad news, though."

James' gut twisted into a pretzel. "What's wrong?"

"My daughter left her husband. He'd been cheating on her, poor thing. She's moving down from Seattle to be close to her mom and me. We downsized a while back and don't have much room in the house for her and her son…"

James thought this was a good time for another _fuck_. Maybe even a motherfucking piece of shit, and what the fuck was wrong with this day?

"I hate to do this, son. You're a great tenant, and a level guy, but she's my daughter and…"

"And you have to take care of your family." James understood that. He felt the same. He'd spent a lot of years trying to do just that.

"You're on a month-to-month, and I'll of course give you thirty days. If something happens and you have trouble finding a place, let me know. We can tough it out for a little while. I'm not putting you out on the streets."

No, George wouldn't do that, but they both knew places were hard to come by in Lakeview. That was likely one of the reasons he was giving this place to his daughter-that and maybe she couldn't afford rent anywhere.

"I appreciate it, and I'm sure I can figure something out."

"Again, I'm really sorry. I'll give you a good reference."

James nodded and wished he'd never gotten out of bed that morning. The few short hours of sleep hadn't been enough to deal with this shit.

* * *

Kendall was pretty sure James wasn't coming. Not that he could blame him. Maybe he'd actually gotten some sleep like a normal human being. At least Kendall could spend the day trying to get some rest or relaxing if he was up for most of the night. James didn't have that luxury.

He'd finished his fries about fifteen minutes before and sipped on his water. If he was going to eat french fries two nights in a row, he should at least drink water with it.

He'd give it a few more minutes, then go home himself and try to catch a few z's.

There was something James that Kendall enjoyed. Maybe it was his pretty face and the innocence in his eyes. In some ways he thought James saw the world through rose-colored lenses, but there was a little edge in there, too. Like he'd seen a lot or been through a lot, but his view of the world wasn't completely altered yet.

He thought it could be, though, that maybe James just looked for the good in things-but people usually lost that outlook. The thought of James losing it didn't sit well with him.

Also, Kendall was apparently now a psychologist who had James figured out.

Kendall chuckled at himself and the ridiculousness of it all.

He didn't know James...he just thought that James was lonely like he was. That made a lot more sense than his weird character sketch as if he had a view into James' soul.

Yeah, he definitely needed to get to sleep.

Kendall began to push to his feet. He got halfway up when he heard the jingle of the bell on the door, and a slow smile spread across his face.

He sat back down, turned, and saw a sleepy-looking James walk toward him. His chestnut-brown hair was messy, sticking up as though he'd run his hands through it a hundred times.

Tonight, he had a light dusting of stubble, which made him look a little less innocent and more worldly. It made Kendall frown when he had no business letting it affect him that way.

"I didn't think you were going to come." Kendall said.

"I didn't either."

His frown deepened. "Is everything okay?"

James sighed, scratched his head, licked his lips, and Kendall knew there were words there, but he swallowed them down instead of setting them free. "Yeah...yeah, I'm fine. Just feeling a little...weird."

"Weird how?" Kendall asked as James sat across from him in the booth. He noticed a bandage on James' finger and wondered what had happened.

"I'm not sure. Probably just lack of sleep, my strange conversation with Dak today-oh, and I got kicked out of my apartment."

"That's quite the day. I think you need some sugar, Sweet Tooth, and then we'll see if we can figure all this out."

The waiter came over then-it was the same guy from the night before. Kendall waited as James ordered a brownie with vanilla ice cream and caramel on top, plus a coffee.

"Decaf." fell out of Kendall's mouth, and James' forehead wrinkled. "I don't think we should stay too late tonight, and you might not want caffeine to keep you up."

"Isn't it a little late for not...well, staying late."

"That's a lot of late." Kendall countered, and James chuckled.

"I thought that about fucks earlier."

"Sounds like an interesting story."

"So...decaf or not?" The guy asked. Kendall had forgotten he still stood there.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." James replied, the guy nodding in response before going to put in James' order.

"I'm assuming you want to get a little sugar in you before we start dissecting your problems?"

"There's no need to dissect. I'll figure it out. I always do."

"Yeah." Kendall replied. "I always do, too. Gets a little lonely at times, though. And I'm a good listener." What was it about James that grabbed him so? He'd come back to Lakeview hoping to find himself again, to figure out who he was and what he wanted. He'd thought Dak would be the one to help with that, and maybe his old friend would, but something about James made him think the two of them were trying to do the same thing, though he wasn't sure James knew it. And there he went again. He was suddenly more than a psychologist-he was a psychic, too.

"We don't know each other." James answered.

"Only one way to remedy that."

"Listen...you know-"

"Here's your sugar rush." The waiter interrupted whatever James had been going to say.

"That's what I tell him, too. That's a whole lot of sweets to go into such a compact body."

The waiter chuckled as James' eyes darted away as if he was embarrassed. Over the sugar or Kendall's comment, he wasn't sure. He couldn't pin James down-didn't know if he was gay, straight, bi, or what.

"Is there anything else I can get you guys?" The waiter asked.

Kendall waited on James, who shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."

"Eat. I'll wait." Kendall told him when the waiter disappeared. James nodded, doctored his coffee, and took a drink. Kendall tried not to watch him as he moved to his treat next, but it was hard not to. He could see the enjoyment on James' face as his features softened. Could see how much he needed this little sugar rush.

James wiped his mouth with his hand when a string of caramel hung from his lips.

Running a finger through the leftover salt on his plate, Kendall forced himself to look away. Ogling someone while they were eating wasn't an attractive quality.

"That's a lot of salt." James said.

"That's a lot of sugar." Kendall countered.

"I'm sorry I was late."

He almost hadn't come-Kendall could tell. He'd basically said as much earlier.

"It's okay." Kendall said. James finished eating and then pushed his bowl away as Kendall added, "Let's take this one thing at a time. Sleep. You obviously need to get some. Have you seen a doctor about your insomnia?"

James cocked his head. "You like to help people."

"Doesn't everyone?"

"Not everyone."

No, Kendall guessed they didn't. "It's easier to focus on other people's shit than our own. I'll play doctor with you tonight, and next time you can play doctor with me." He grinned, not having meant for it to sound the way it did.

Wrinkles deepened in James' forehead, and Kendall wasn't so sure that was a good thing. "I can't figure out if you're hitting on me or not."

"Well, that was to the point." Kendall liked it.

"I'm not really one for playing games."

"You and me both. Well, except Two Truths and a Lie, obviously. Would you be open to me hitting on you?" He figured that was the safest place to start.

"That's actually on the list of things we need to discuss tonight, which I'll likely make awkward because...well, I guess I'm an awkward guy. We'll come back to that. Sleep. Yes, I need it. I've seen a doctor in the past, but don't have anyone in Lakeview. It's not something that typically lasts for me. It comes and goes, the coming part usually only lasting a few weeks. I'm pretty good at working through it and getting myself back on track. I just haven't really tried recently, but I plan to start."

A.k.a., they likely wouldn't be meeting here anymore. Kendall could respect that and honestly couldn't say he was surprised.

"What about you?"

"I thought tonight was your night?" Kendall countered. When James didn't reply, he continued. "Comes and goes for me too, but I don't typically leave home. The first night was a fluke. I was here last night and tonight because I like the company."

Again, James looked away. He'd meant it in a friendly way, but Kendall was pretty sure James hadn't thought so, and that answered his question whether James would be open to Kendall hitting on him. "Let's move on to the weird conversation with Dak."

"I'm not really sure how to go into that without getting back to the flirting thing, and I'm saving that one for last."

Kendall grinned. He really liked this guy. "I'd say we were saving the best for last, but since I'm not sure what your response is going to be, I don't if it fits."

Damned if he didn't see a small smile curl the corners of James' mouth. Just as quickly as it came, it was gone again.

"I was given thirty days' notice at my apartment. Nothing I did. George hated doing it, but it's a family thing. Apartments aren't real easy to come by in Lakeview since pretty much everyone has been here forever."

Well, that was an easy one. "Move in with me."

James' eyes popped open comically, and he jerked forward. "Are you crazy? You don't even know me!"

No, he didn't, but he liked what he knew so far. He'd learned over the years that life could change in an instant, so when Kendall thought something, he usually jumped on it. Who knew how long it would last? "I have a four-bedroom, twenty-eight-hundred-square-foot house that I live in alone. I have the space. Rent a room from me."

"That's not what I meant. You don't know me." He said again.

"I know you have good taste in cars but shitty taste in color. I know you have insomnia and a sweet tooth. You're a mechanic and like to help people too, I saw it with Logan that first night. You moan when you take your first bite of something you enjoy, and you work with and are friends with Dak, whom I trust. That's enough for me."

"I moan when I take my first bite?" James asked, which definitely hadn't been how Kendall expected him to reply.

He fought his smile. "Every fucking time." James' eyes held his. Kendall couldn't read the expression in them and wasn't sure if he wanted to, so he said, "Do you plan on murdering me?"

"Would I say yes if I did?"

Kendall rubbed his chin and pretended to think. "Hmm. I believe so. You strike me as someone who is honest."

His reply earned him a laugh. "You're ridiculous."

"Thank you."

James sighed. "I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I can't move in with you and...and ou know this isn't a date, right?"

He'd be lying if he claimed that question didn't rub him the wrong way. "That's not why I asked you to move in with me. I don't typically have to do that to get into someone's pants."

"No." James shook his head and then rubbed his hand over his face. "That's not what I meant. I'm fucking this up. The weird conversation with Dak earlier...I guess he and Jett thought I was bisexual...or bi-curious or something like that. I'm not. Bisexual or curious."

A laugh jumped out of Kendall's mouth. "Duly noted. James isn't bisexual or curious."

He thought he'd get a laugh or a smile in return, but instead, James shifted in his seat, obviously uncomfortable. Did the fact that they thought he liked men freak him out that much? Kendall didn't think James was like that.

"Bad joke. I am gay, though I'm guessing you know that, but it doesn't mean I don't have straight friends. We don't want to fuck everyone."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know." And Kendall did. "I just wanted to put it out there. I wasn't sure of your sexuality, and yes, I find you attractive, but I'm not looking for anything more than friendship anyway. Too much going on in here." He tapped his temple. "So you're not open to being hit on. I'm fine with not hitting on you. You still need a place to stay, and I still have three extra rooms. The offer stands."

He knew James' answer before he said it.

"I appreciate that, but it doesn't feel right. It's not as though you were looking for a roommate, and honestly, I've never had one before. Not sure I'd be good at it, so I'm going to have to pass."

Kendall nodded. "Okay, then."

"I should probably go. I need to try and get some rest."

Kendall expected that, too. "Are you okay to drive?" They walked to the register to pay instead of calling the waiter to their table.

"I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself."

Still, Kendall grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from the counter and wrote his number down. "Text me when you get there."

There was a pause, and for a moment, Kendall wondered if he would refuse the number. Maybe his offer had been too much. Maybe this short friendship was over. The thought that sat heavy i his gut. It was strange, but for some reason, he felt more comfortable with James than he did with Dak since reconnecting. _Maybe because I feel I owe Dak more of my truth…_

A moment later, James reached out and grabbed the paper with his bandaged finger.

They paid and walked out to their cars. Kendall shivered in the cold Oregon night. They were quiet and the night heavy. Things had definitely changed. He could feel it.

When he got to his car, he said, "Catcha later, Sweet Tooth."

"You too." James replied before he got into his car. Last night he'd called him Salt Fiend.

A few minutes later, as he drove home, his cell phone buzzed. Kendall pulled over and saw a message from a number he didn't know.

 _I'm home_ , the text said.

"Damn it." He whispered into the car before replying with a goodnight. The message from James told him he'd read the situation correctly. Their short friendship was likely over.

It wasn't until he woke up the next morning that he saw James must have texted again while Kendall, thankfully, slept.

 _My car is black. Your car is red. We're not okay._

Two Truths and a Lie. Kendall smiled. They were okay, but he still had a feeling things had changed and he wouldn't see James at Golden Spoon anymore.

The thought made him more sad than it should and unfortunately turned out to be true.

Kendall went a few nights over the next couple of weeks, but James was never there. The staff said he never showed anymore either. So yeah, things had definitely changed, but he still didn't know why.

Maybe James was so far in the closet that even spending time with a gay guy stressed him out. Or maybe Kendall was just looking for excuses and their friendship had been more one-sided than he'd thought.

* * *

 **Done! So, yeah, looks like things are already a bit rocky between Kames.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will probably be slightly shorter, but will be up within the next few days.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello again everyone! So, this was supposed to be up on Monday, but I've been so busy lately that I never got the chance to post it until now. It's finally here now, though!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Guest, Side1ways, winterschild11, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

It had been three weeks, and James hadn't had any luck finding an apartment. He was beginning to think he'd need to go to some of the neighboring towns, which, technically, he probably should have already done.

Sure, George said if he needed longer than a month they could work it out, but he didn't want to be a burden. George needed the apartment for his daughter, who had a child. James could stay in a hotel that charged weekly if he needed to.

His insomnia was still driving him crazy, but he'd kept his ass at home and refrained from doping up on sugar every night. The apartment felt bigger, lonelier, but he still stayed, forcing himself to rest even if he wasn't getting any actual sleep.

It was a Friday night. Dak and Jett were going to Round Table, their favorite local bar. They'd invited James, but he wasn't sure if he was going to go. It made no sense-his strange reaction, the fact that he wondered if Kendall would be with them, but he hadn't wanted to ask. It shouldn't matter if he was there or if he wasn't. It should have no effect on him if Kendall went or not.

It was around eight o'clock when his phone rang. It was likely Dak wanting to know if he was going out and would probably give him shit if he said no. He'd deserve it, too. James had no reason to want to sit in his apartment, feeling confused and sorry for himself. He should hit the bar with his friends, have a few drinks and some fun. It's what he would tell someone else in his place.

He leaned forward, picked up the phone from his coffee table, and then sat back again, but it wasn't Dak's name he saw flash across the cracked screen. "Dad" blinked as the phone rang again. It wasn't often they spoke-mostly just a text here and there, and James typically called his dad more than his dad called him.

His gut tightened.

It wasn't that he and his father didn't get along; they just didn't know how to relate to each other and, well...truthfully, that often led to arguments between them. They didn't know how to talk to each other, didn't understand each other, which always made a thick tension between them. Without meaning to, his dad made him feel like he was always less than he should be.

Still, he swiped his finger across the screen, pulled the phone to his ear, and said, "Hello?"

There was some coughing on the other end from too many years of smoking before, "Hey. It's Dad."

It was sad that he felt the need to say that, as though their relationship was so strained, he thought James might not know who he was. "I know. How's it going, Dad?"

"Not too bad. You?" His voice was rough, always had been, but was worse from the same reason he had the cough. Somehow, he was soft-spoken. His father had always been a pretty soft-spoken man as well, but opinionated, too.

James always knew a big part of him had died right along with James' mom, and if it hadn't been for James, his dad likely would have tried to follow along behind her.

He understood that kind of loss, that kind of emptiness, as he'd had it himself when they lost Emma.

He rubbed a hand over his face, trying to focus. "I can't complain, that's for sure." Really, he could very much complain, at least about the apartment, but he wouldn't, not to his father.

It'd make him feel weak to complain. His dad had always been a simple man, which in a lot of ways, James was too, but his dad didn't have much time for things of the heart or what he considered whining.

"Good, good… Work? You still working for that fella you told me about? I thought you might try to start your own shop."

The twist in his gut got tighter, a cluster of knots. "Nah, I'm good. I don't need something of my own. Plus, Dak and I have become really good friends. I enjoy working with him." It had been different at home when he'd considered trying to build his own business. He'd wanted to provide for Stephanie and the family they'd planned to have.

"A man shouldn't leave himself to depend on someone else. Especially if friendship is involved. It's a recipe for disaster, if you ask me."

"I didn't." James replied. Part of him wished he hadn't said it because he knew his dad truly did just want to help. He didn't mean any harm, but could be...overbearing when he believed in something. It wasn't the first time he tried to mold James' life into what he thought it should be.

His dad cleared his throat. "I was just trying to help."

He was always trying to help by deciding what James needed or the best way to live his life rather than just letting him figure things out on his own.

"I know, Dad." They were quiet for a few moments, both likely looking for something to say. A question sat at the tip of James' tongue, but he tried to swallow it down. The damn thing wouldn't budge, though, and the truth was, he knew his dad would bring it up in some way or another anyway, so he might as well do it on his terms. "How is she?"

He cleared his throat again, but this time, James thought it was more of a distraction than anything else. He could hear the difference in the sound of it. The thought made his pulse kick up a notch, rev like an engine accelerating too quickly. "Is she okay, Dad?" He asked, panic in his voice meeting his own ears.

"Yeah, shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you panic. She's good, son...real good, actually. She met someone else. She's...expecting."

A current of... _fuck_ , James didn't even know what it was, rushed through him-happiness for Stephanie because he knew how much she wanted this, fear that he knew she had to be feeling too, pain for the losses they'd shared, the heart-wrenching devastation of losing Emma, and mixed in, some guilt-too many things for him to focus on at once.

"Good...that's good for her." And it was good for her, but still, it felt...strange. She'd struggled for a long time. It had been nearly four years since they lost Emma. "I'm glad she's on her feet again." That she was living again and that she'd fallen in love, too.

His chest felt too tight, and he rubbed it as though that would help. Not because he was in love with her-they'd moved on long ago-but because she was the only person he'd ever loved and the one who made him feel normal.

Because they'd been married. They'd made a child together. They'd lost that child.

This time, it was James who cleared his throat. "He a nice guy?"

"From what she says, he is. I haven't met him, but you know Steph. She wouldn't put up with someone who wasn't."

"Good." James replied again. "I'm happy for her." And he was.

They spoke for a few more minutes before they got off the phone. The second they did, James shoved off the couch, antsy. His head was a mess-confused and trying to sort through all his emotions.

He hurt...fuck, he hurt while also being happy for her, but again, the hurt didn't come from being in love with her. It came from shattered dreams and loss.

For a moment, he considered calling Dak, saying he needed to talk, but...no...he couldn't do that. He wasn't sure he could share this Dak. He wasn't sure he could share this with anyone.

So, maybe he could go out with them? Drown himself in a few beers and let a buzz loosen his muscles and clear his mind?

 _Fuck no._ He wouldn't be able to do that either. The thought of being around a lot of people tonight made his skin crawl.

He wanted...quiet, but not the emptiness of his apartment either. He wanted comfort, familiarity, and he frowned at himself when a flash of sitting in Golden Spoon with Kendall teased his thoughts.

He didn't know Kendall well enough for him to be familiar or comfortable...yet somehow, he was.

Or hell, maybe he just wanted an excuse to engage in his secret addiction to sugar because it was his comfort food.

The truth was, he had felt like a dick the past few weeks for trying to avoid Kendall, for specifically not going to Golden Spoon because...fuck, he couldn't even say why, exactly.

 _She met someone else...She's expecting._

James didn't let himself think about it as he grabbed his phone he'd left on the couch, as he pulled up the number he'd saved, as he typed out a text.

 _Got any plans tonight, Salt Fiend? My sweet tooth is acting up again. Figured we could be bad together._

His finger hovered over the Send button. He read the text over...and felt like a fucking idiot. What was he doing? Going to text some random guy because his ex-wife was moving on?

His heart dropped, just fell as though it had taken a leap off a cliff. It wasn't just that-that she was moving on-it was the pain in what they'd lost together. The soul-deep ache that he'd lived with for years.

He sure as hell wasn't going to call Kendall and lay all of his emotional baggage on him. Plus...they could be bad together? What the hell was he thinking? It sounded like he was trying to hit on the guy.

James went to close the text, his cell suddenly becoming slippery in his hand. He fumbled it, pressed the screen to catch it, and-

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" He didn't have to look to know he'd just sent the text, because why wouldn't it go that way? For some reason, he still felt a little off balance when it came to Kendall.

James turned the phone over, looked, and yes, of course he'd just offered to be bad with the guy he'd previously assumed was hitting on him and then ditched for weeks after saying he wasn't interested. Of _course_ he did. What in the hell was wrong with him? He couldn't remember feeling so upside down and backward like this.

He sighed as his fingers moved across the screen.

 _I didn't mean to send that. Can we forget it happened?_

The reply was almost instant.

 _Not a chance in hell, Sweet Tooth. Wanna head over now?_

No. No, he didn't. Somehow, he'd forgotten how early it was.

 _Nah...I should probably stay in. Not feeling like being around a bunch of people tonight. I forgot it wasn't after midnight._

He found himself watching the screen as he waited for a reply, not even sure what he wanted to see there.

 _Fair enough. Come over here, then. I can find something sweet for you._

James knew he wouldn't be good company tonight, especially in his current mood. Going to Kendall's was the last thing he needed. Before he could decline, another text from Kendall came through.

 _Don't think. Don't worry. Just say yes._

James didn't think...but he did worry. Still, he typed.

 _Yes._

* * *

Kendall sure as shit hadn't expected James to text him; he'd been glad he had, though. He wanted to explore the possibility of a friendship between them. If he was going to make his home in Lakeview again, the last thing he wanted was the first person he connected with outside of Dak to offended by him.

He put on a pot of coffee, just in case, silently wishing he had decaffeinated. He'd already had a fire going because he'd always enjoyed watching the flames dance. There was something relaxing about it, and it was certainly chilly enough.

As he was going through his kitchen to see what sweets he had, there was a knock at his door. James must have left right after they'd ended their texting. Even though Kendall lived outside of town, the drive didn't take long.

He padded in socked feet across the tile floor to the door.

As soon as he opened it, James said, "Nice jammies," but Kendall could tell he wasn't feeling the joke. There was a slight slump to his body and a softness to his voice that spoke of sadness.

"It's chilly and I like flannel. You have a problem with that, Sweet Tooth?" He teased.

James held up his hands in surrender. "I was kidding. I promise. I didn't know how seriously you take your pajamas."

Kendall was wearing black-and-gray-plaid bottoms with a plain black t-shirt on top. "Just don't let it happen it happen again." Kendall teased. "You gonna come in?"

"Oh...sorry. I thought I should be invited in first." James grinned and stepped inside. "Nice place."

Kendall tried to look at it through James' eyes-the open concept, the kitchen to the right with a bar, an island, and gray-and-blue marble countertops. To the left was the dining room with a four-person square table, and in front, his living room with a big screen TV, his fireplace, and light-blue furniture. "Thanks. It's a lot of house for one person. I get it."

"I wasn't thinking that." James replied.

"You should have. I did. It's just...this was the kind of house my mom would have loved. The kind of house she likely pictured me in with a big family someday. The family part isn't really my thing, but...the house sort of felt like going back to my roots in way. Connecting with her or parts of a dream she had for me." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Hell, I don't know what I'm saying." Or why he was saying it.

"No." James said softly. "I get it. It makes perfect sense to me." The softness in James' hazel eyes, coupled with the seriousness in his face, struck Kendall in the chest. He knew then that James felt the same. They understood each other. Were kindred spirits, in a way.

"Funny, huh? The things that carry with you no matter how old you are or where you go in life."

James shoved his hands into the pockets of the faded blue jeans hanging low on his hips. Fuck, that was a weakness for Kendall. He loved a pair of low-slung jeans on a man. "It really is. You'd think all that shit would just magically go away at some point, but it never truly does."

"Some can." Kendall replied.

"Yeah...yeah, I guess you're right."

They stood there for a moment, looking at each other.

Melancholy mixed with confusion in the soft lines of James' face, in the downward curve of his lips. Loneliness too, the kind that not everyone saw because they didn't look deep enough. Or hell, maybe people were just good at hiding it, but Kendall saw it in James. He felt it, too.

Before things got too uncomfortable, Kendall said, "Take off your jacket. Are you hungry?" He walked toward the kitchen. "Who am I kidding? You're always looking for something sugary. I have some chocolate chips that were in a basket the realtor sent over when I moved in. I'll see if I have other stuff to make cookies."

He glanced behind him to see James pull his flannel jacket off and lay it over the back of a dining room chair. He chuckled. "I'm not that bad. You don't have to bake me cookies."

"Who said I was doing it alone? This is a two-man job."

James cocked a brow, walked Kendall's way, then leaned over the bar, elbows on the marble, and replied, "Baking cookies is a two-man job?"

"It is tonight." Because he could tell James needed a distraction, because Kendall felt the strange need to be able to give him one.

"What about you? It can't be all for me."

"Hell no. You won't get off that easy. If we're slaving over your sweet shit, we're definitely pulling out the Fry Daddy for me. Wash your hands Sweet Tooth. You and I have some cooking to do."

James pushed his sleeves up his muscular forearms until they rested in the folds at his elbows. "Lead the way, Salt Fiend."

So that was what they did. They fumbled their way through baking cookies and frying french fries. The kitchen looked like a tornado had gone through it by the time they were done, but Kendall couldn't hold back the smile on his face.

They'd laughed and talked, and now as they sat on his couch, feet on the coffee table and plates of unhealthy food on their laps, he couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun.

Although he could see James had enjoyed it as well, the sorrow was still there, slipping out from its hiding place when he thought Kendall wasn't looking.

* * *

 **Done! So, it seems that Kames' newfound friendship is back!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! This chapter was kind of a lead-in to the next one, which will be up this weekend!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James set his plate on the coffee table and then leaned back on the couch. He sat on one end, Kendall on the other, one plump cushion between them.

He'd eaten too many cookies, laughed, talked about random shit that didn't mean much of anything-seasons and cars and more about Kendall's house. He'd avoided bringing up topics that could lead into deeper territory, though he couldn't tell if Kendall did the same. Sometimes he thought yes, others he thought Kendall tried to steer the conversation in the direction James hadn't wanted to go.

He'd had fun the past couple of hours-the cooking and talking. It muted his conversation with his dad and his thoughts about Stephanie and the past. Still, it was there, swimming around in deep water, just waiting to drift to the surface.

"I should probably go." He said, but still he didn't move.

"Nah, I don't think you should." Kendall replied.

The answer both surprised him and didn't. Most people didn't just put things out there like that, but Kendall seemed to. Instead of arguing, he asked, "Why not?"

Kendall had his socked feet on the coffee table, which James would have likely done himself if he was home. Since he wasn't, he didn't figure it was real cool to make himself that comfortable.

"Why'd you come?" Kendall asked.

"Because you invited me." He knew that wasn't what Kendall had meant.

"Why'd you text?"

"I told you that was an accident."

"You accidentally typed a message to me?"

He sighed. "No...I accidentally sent it. I meant to erase it, fumbled my phone, totally shouldn't have admitted that." James didn't regret it, though. Kendall was easy to talk to, and James was the type who felt you should be able to laugh at yourself. He did dumb shit all the time.

Kendall rolled his head to the side, still against the back of the couch, and looked at James. "That's funny as hell. I might not let you live that down."

"I wouldn't expect you to."

"You're sad." Kendall countered quickly, and James' pulse jumped.

"Christ, you don't hold back, do you?"

Kendall still looked at him, small wrinkles forming around his wide, green eyes, as if he was in thought. "Sometimes I do. I try not to, though. I spent a lot of time holding back."

Because he was gay? James didn't know enough about him to guess his story. He sighed. "Yes...I was sad. It's hard to explain. I got a phone call from my father. We're not really close. We struggle around each other. We don't know what to talk to each other about or how to say it-nothing that matters, at least. So it always puts me in a strange headspace to talk to him. Plus, he told me something about someone that both makes me happy and sad...because of the past and what happened to lead us where we are."

James was speaking in riddles and he knew it, but shit, what he'd just said was more than he'd ever told anyone. He was really good at asking other people to talk, but he didn't do it well himself.

"If you put red eggs on a house and chocolate chip cookies under it, you make pizza."

"Huh?" James frowned at Kendall.

"That's what I just got out of what you said."

A laugh tumbled out of James' mouth. Kendall grinned that half smile and joined him. When they quieted down, Kendall turned, sat sideways on the couch with his knees bent, and fell flat on the cushion between them. "Fine, I'll go first. What do you want to know?"

"We're talking real shit now?" James asked.

"Yep, as long as you're cool with it. I want to be your friend. I came here to find a piece of happiness, and I think your friendship will give me some."

 _Well, shit._ James felt something stick in his throat. No one had ever said anything like that to him before, and he didn't know how to reply, which was likely why his throat felt full. The words were trapped there.

As he sat there looking at Kendall, he realized he wanted the same thing-his piece of happiness and friendship with Kendall. Sure, he was doing okay-he had a job he loved and great friends like Dak, Jett, Logan, and Carlos, but in some ways, his life felt black and white, like it didn't hold real color. He wondered if Kendall felt the same. "Tell me about you and Dak."

"We were best friends when we were teenagers, though most people wouldn't know it. Dak was…" He paused as though he didn't know how much he could say.

"I know about his mom. I've helped him, and I know he's independent, if that's what you're thinking."

Kendall nodded. "I see you know him well, because that's what I was thinking. He didn't like to take much help from people. Plus, we used to secretly make out when no one knew we were gay. He kept his distance a bit because of that, so our friendship was kind of on the down-low."

There was a foreign twitch in James' chest, but he couldn't put his finger on why. "Wow...that's...I didn't know that."

What the fuck kind of reply was that?

"He was the first person who knew I was gay. I was confused at the time, in denial, but I'd noticed Dak, noticed him in ways I was supposed to notice girls. Sometimes I thought he looked at me the same way."

"That's how you knew? That you were gay?" James found himself asking but then wondered if it was a silly question. Of course that was how he knew.

"Yeah, I guess. I didn't feel attraction to women, but I did to men."

James shifted, looked away, felt a little broken again.

"So...we were walking through the woods one day, and my hand brushed his once...then again. He sucked in a breath but didn't pull away, so I tried it again. I had some pretty big balls." Kendall chucked at his own joke before continuing.

"There were more innocent touches, and eventually, I wasn't the only one doing them. One day we kissed and that was it. Not sure I've ever felt that kind of connection to someone… He was my best friend and the first person who knew that part of me."

There was melancholy to Kendall's voice that made James wonder if he still had feelings for Dak, if part of his reason for coming back had been because he'd never forgotten his first love. "What happened?" He questioned.

"We kept it up for a long time. One day, I got caught skipping class. I'd been with Dak, and my parents didn't know, but...I was just so fucking tired of lying and holding it back that I admitted it. Big fucking mistake. Chalk it up to youthful feelings of invincibility and pride."

James' body got tight, but he wasn't sure exactly why. Yes, part of it was feeling sorry that had happened to Kendall, but it felt like more than that, too. "What happened?" He asked again.

"My parents dragged me out of Lakeview as fast as they could. We went to live back East-a farm in the middle of fucking nowhere." Kendall leaned his head against the couch again, his eyes looking soft and tired.

"It was hard. I've never been so lonely in my life. I was homeschooled, and my parents fought about me. I felt like a disappointment to them. When you're a kid, it feels like nothing will ever change, that whatever you're experiencing at that moment will always be how it is, and soon I didn't see a way out of it. So...I tried to end it all."

"Christ, Kendall. I'm sorry." James paused, then reached out his hand, put it on Kendall's knee, and squeezed in support. He was warm, so damn warm, James could feel his heat through his pajama bottoms. He felt bones and muscle and comfort. He was supposed to be comforting Kendall, but somehow, it was the other way around.

"It's okay." Kendall patted his hand, and then James pulled it away slowly. "I was in the hospital a while, did some impatient and counseling, but I'm good now."

"That's all you can do most of the time. It's the same with my dad and me. We do the best we can. There are times when it's good enough, and others when it isn't." Kendall's eyes fluttered, and guilt dug its way through James for keeping him up.

"I can go. You need your rest." He tried to stand, but Kendall leaned forward and put his hand on James' shoulder.

"No, don't. I'm good."

Warmth. Again he felt warmth and strength and _fuck_ , just human contact. It was different than someone else squeezing his shoulder or bumping into Dak at the shop or hugging Logan. "Yeah...yeah, okay." James replied, and Kendall let go of him. "What happened next?"

Kendall looked down, and James noticed him fidgeting a little, picking at a piece of lint that wasn't really there.

"This is… This part is hard for me to admit." Kendall said.

"You don't have to."

"I know, but strangely, I think I might want to...just to get it out. Feels like it's eating away at me like it hasn't done in years."

James shifted, scratched the back of his neck, and waited. He wasn't going to push Kendall, but if he wanted to tell James, he'd be there to listen.

"We'll talk if you want to talk...and we won't if you don't."

"It's not pretty."

"Life isn't always pretty." His hadn't been either.

"Okay, Sweet Tooth. You asked for it. So...I was eighteen and angry. Those aren't a good combination. Add in some rebellion and living in the city for the first time-when I'd gotten out of inpatient-and it's a recipe for disaster."

 _Shit._ James wasn't sure where this was going to go, but it obviously wasn't going to be good.

"I started partying, and fucking, lots of fucking. In a few months...Jesus, in a short amount of time, I tried to make up for everything I'd missed. I was hanging around with the wrong kind of guys. We went to a party… A fight broke out." Kendall closed his eyes, and James again waited.

Then Kendall rubbed his forehead, bit his bottom lip, and said, "I'm not proud of myself. I can't even tell you what happened, why we fought, but all that anger I'd been feeling, all the rage and loneliness and self-hatred boiling over. Still, it hadn't been intentional-the wrong hit, he fell the wrong way, and I was sent to prison on assault charges."

"Christ." James sat forward. _Prison_? Kendall had been to prison for assault?

"I told you it wasn't pretty. It was a long time ago. He made a full recovery, and I got my shit together while in prison. I got my GED. I took more therapy, made amends for what I did. I know that doesn't excuse it, but…" He shook his head. "Ugh, this is harder than I thought. Hell, I didn't even tell Dak that."

Shock sent a jolt down his spine. "You didn't?" He hadn't told Dak, but he was telling James?

"No."

"Why'd you tell me?"

"If I'm being honest...I'm not really sure. It just felt right. It's not something I should keep from friends. I've never been in trouble since. I'm not that guy. I was never that guy, James. I swear. I just lost myself for a bit."

The thing was, James believed him. He hadn't even needed the speech to know it. The truth settled in his chest. He had some kind of connection to Kendall, and James knew he was a good guy. There wasn't a doubt in his mind about it.

"You don't have to tell me any of that. I know a good guy when I see one."

Relief practically poured off Kendall in waves. His body language changed. His features relaxed.

"Thank you." Kendall said softly before easing back the way he'd been sitting before, feet on the cushion between them.

"You don't have to thank me for anything. I'm glad I came. Guess my finger fumbling was a good thing."

Kendall gave him a small, sleepy smile. "I guess so."

It was crazy how walls sort of broke down between you and another person when they admitted something as serious as Kendall just did.

James wanted more, wanted to know everything, but he knew tonight's show-and-tell was over. Kendall had given him a lot, given him pieces of himself and also made some of the ache in his chest subside. That meant a lot to him. Kendall's friendship suddenly did.

"Does that offer still stand?" James asked. He ignored the small twingle of hesitancy he felt and kept going. "To rent a room from you?"

"Yeah...it does." Kendall grinned and closed his eyes. James' suddenly began to feel heavy too, his lids fluttering.

"Thank you."

"Your turn next time." Kendall slurred, and James knew he meant to share some of his life.

"Okay...but you have to finish, too."

There was a few minutes' pause and then a mumbled "Okay," in return.

Kendall looked younger when he slept. His mouth was slightly parted, and James noticed his eyelashes and brows. Still, his eyes were drawn back to Kendall's mouth. His slightly bigger bottom lip. The curve of his top. His eyes traveled down to Kendall's throat, chest, arms, and he strangely wondered if his fingers were calloused. He hadn't noticed before.

James smiled, but he didn't know why.

He'd leave in a minute. He's sit there for a few more moments and then head home…

* * *

Kendall's eyes jerked open at the shrill ringing in the background. He groaned, his head groggy from being yanked out of sleep.

Sleep... _holy fuck._ He'd fallen asleep in the middle of his conversation with James last night. The ringing happened again.

What the fuck?

That was when he noticed the warmth beneath his feet...the weight on his legs.

He looked down to see he'd stretched out, his feet having found their way to rest on James' lap. James was out, soft snores coming from him. That wasn't what got Kendall, though. At some point, he'd leaned over, his upper body a welcome weight on Kendall...his head on his thigh.

"Oh fuck." He whispered. His fingers itched with the need to run through James' chestnut hair-to learn the density and how soft it was.

Kendall's dick was hard-because, well, morning, and he had a hot guy nearly lying on him-and his clothes didn't hide it.

 _Ring!_

"Shit." He cursed again, trying to adjust himself so his hard-on wasn't so obvious and right in James' face before he said, "Hey...Sweet Tooth. Your phone is ringing." He hated waking him, knowing James needed the rest. Kendall's hand lingered over him, wanting to touch him but a little nervous to as well. "James…" He squeezed his shoulder. "Wake up, sleepyhead."

Whoever it was must have hung up, but then the phone started again.

The body on top of him tensed.

 _There you are. Now you're awake._ The last thing Kendall wanted was to freak him out. Joking would be the best way out of this, right? Not at James' expense, but his own. "Sorry. I'm a cuddler. If there's a body within five feet of me, I'm going to find it." Which was a lie, but it put the blame on him instead of James.

Kendall missed the warmth when James sat up. He pulled his feet off the legs he suddenly wished were wrapped around him. _Stop thinking that shit. He's straight. He just asked to rent a room from you. The last thing you need to do is scare him off._

"Fuck. What time is it?" James' voice was rougher than usual, tinged with sleep. Before Kendall could answer, he fumbled his phone that sat on the arm of the couch as said, "Fuck!" again. He pulled the phone to his ear. "Hey. I'm sorry, man. I slept in. I don't know what the hell happened."

Kendall figured it must have been Dak, and James was late for work. Kendall put his feet on the floor.

"No, no. I'm good. I can come in." A pause where he listened to Dak. James glanced his way but didn't hold his stare. "Nah, I'm good. Even if we're slow, I can clean up the shop or something. I'll be in soon. Sorry to worry you."

He obviously had just been offered the day off by Dak and hadn't accepted it. Kendall wasn't surprised. He knew James was freaking the hell out right now, though he wished he wouldn't. So they'd fallen asleep on the couch together. _Big deal._

James hung up and shoved to his feet. "I'm...I have to go. Work. That was Dak." He ran his fingers through his hair, looked at Kendall, opened his mouth...and then turned away.

"Fuck." Kendall groaned out as James slipped his shoes on. He stood and watched as he went toward his jacket. "Do you want some coffee first?"

"No." James replied without looking at him. "We have a machine at the shop. I need to get going." He walked toward the door. "I'm already late, and…" James stopped, still giving Kendall his back. "I was going to say Dak's busy, but obviously, you know that's not true since you heard my side of the conversation."

"We can pretend I didn't if you want." Kendall offered. "Shit, man. I'm sorry you're late for work, and now you're going to be behind all day. I heard Dak is a real bear to deal with when people are late, and not the sey kind of bear either."

That got James' attention. He turned, a small smile played at his lips. "Thank you for that, but...I'm a little confused. There are sexy bears?"

"Not the animals. Bears are bigger guys, hairy… It's a gay thing. You wouldn't understand since you're not lucky enough to belong to the club."

James chuckled, which was what Kendall wanted, but he could tell his heart wasn't fully in it. "That was nothing. You know I know that, right?" Kendall added.

"That was a lot of _knows_."

"I did it for emphasis."

James sighed. "Yeah...yeah, I know. I gotta go."

He made it to the door, his hand on the knob, when Kendall asked, "We're still doing this room thing, right?" It was fucking stupid and would likely end up fucking Kendall in the end-and not the fun way-but he did want James to rent a room from him. Kendall liked him; he wanted to spend more time with him.

James' hand dropped, and he twisted around to look at Kendall again. He had a wrinkle between his brows and questions in his eyes. "Um...yeah. If the offer still stands? I'm off tomorrow. I could...start moving my things in then if you're okay with it."

"I am. I can help, too." He felt out of place-like he was suddenly thrown into a foreign land without being given a map or taught the language.

"Okay…" He turned, touched the knob, paused again. "And, um...thanks. For last night. It helped." James pulled the door open, stepped out, and closed it softly behind him. It was then that Kendall let out the heavy breath trapped in his lungs.

He was so fucked.

Kendall made coffee, drank a cup, but still felt...off. He thought about the things he'd shared with James last night. He'd told James about having been in prison. It had scared the hell out of him because he never knew how someone would react to the news. But it was part of him, of his past, and he couldn't hide it forever. People either accepted him, scars and all, or they didn't, and he didn't bother with people who turned their back on him.

But he'd told James before he'd told Dak. That was….odd, wasn't it?

That thought brought him around to his friendship with Dak. Their friendship had been one of the driving forces to get him to return, yet he hadn't put much effort into spending time with Dak, nor Dak with him. It still felt off...different. Maybe because Kendall hadn't told him the whole truth? He didn't know, but he wanted his friendship with Dak back...and he also realized he felt a connection to James that he didn't to Dak anymore.

He'd come back here to connect with the person he'd been in Lakeview.

He hadn't done much of anything since coming home. Hadn't thought about what he wanted to do with his life or made any real plans. The cushion he had wouldn't last forever, and honestly, money was the thing he cared about the least.

He just wanted to...connect, to feel tethered to something in his life, to find what was truly him, but he didn't know how to do that.

Kendall jogged up the stairs, took a quick shower, and then got dressed. He tugged on a hoodie and beanie before making his way to his car. Fog hung heavy in the air still, making the trees in the distance look eerie but beautiful at the same time.

He wasn't sure where he was going until he pulled off the road that led to one of the fishing spots at the lake. He found a turnout to park his car and made his way to the spot he used to go to with Dak sometimes. It wasn't a popular spot, which was why they'd liked it. They'd fish and talk for hours, and for some reason, Kendall needed to be in that space. Wondered if he could feel the connection to his past there...feel connected to Dak.

He weaved his way around trees and through the fallen leaves until he found the small clearing by the lake. More fog rested on top of the water, the sky gray and muted, a piece of home.

He thought he might be into James. Was 'into' the right word? Intrigued? It wouldn't happen, obviously. And truthfully, he was okay with that.

He hadn't come back to find a boyfriend in Lakeview, and more than anything, he wanted to be James' friend, but he'd be a liar if he didn't admit there was interest there.

It was less than ten minutes later when he heard leaves crunching behind him. Kendall frowned. Maybe this place wasn't so secret anymore. But then he turned and saw Jett approach, and it made a lot more sense.

"Dak?" He asked, figuring it was him who told Jett about this spot.

"Yep." Jett replied. He scratched his head with his left hand and had a camera in his right. "You guys used to come out here?"

Kendall nodded and then toed at a stick on the ground. It was strange still-thinking about Dak with Jett. It was obvious to Kendall he was a different guy, and he could see how much he loved Dak. Kendall didn't know him well enough not to still see the kid who used to hurt the boy he loved, though.

"I come out here to take pictures sometimes. I like the fog on the water." When Kendall didn't reply, Jett added, "You're scared I'll hurt him."

Ah, perceptive, wasn't he? "If it helps, I'm fully aware I have no business thinking that way, and I kind of feel like a dick for it."

Jett grinned. "Don't feel like a dick for caring about your friend, but remember, you hurt him, too. Yes, not maliciously, like I'd done, but you could have contacted him. You should have. I'm sorry for what you've been through-Dak told me-but at some point, you could have called or written. You knew how he felt, and you left him alone."

"I know." Kendall replied because it was all he could say. Jett was right. Still, they didn't know the whole truth. After getting out of prison, he hadn't been in a place where he would have wanted to contact Dak.

"For what it's worth, I won't hurt him. I love him. And if you had any thoughts about rekindling anything when you came back, I want you to know he's mine." This warning was much clearer than the playful one from when Kendall first showed up on Dak's doorstep.

"We were kids back then."

"Kids have feelings, too. You had them for him and he did for you. I'm not worried. I know him, and I know us, but I don't know _you_...not yet."

Kendall appreciated the _not yet_. He was opening the door for them to get to know each other because Jett knew Dak cared about Kendall, even if things were still strained between them.

Jett sat down in the leaves, so Kendall did the same. "My dad was physically abusive. I know that doesn't excuse how I treated Dak, but we've made peace with it."

"Shit, man. I'm sorry." Kendall hadn't expected that. Lakeview held a whole lot of secrets, though he guessed everywhere did.

"It's over. Not much we can do about it now."

"So you're a photographer, huh? And a painter? Dak said you specialize in homoerotic art?" Jesus, a homoerotic artist lived in Lakeview and was in a relationship with Dak. But then he could also say an ex-con and porn model lived here too, so things had definitely changed.

"Yeah, I love it."

"I used to have this friend who was an incredible nude-male photographer." Kendall didn't add that the guy worked for his old gay pornography studio. It wasn't that he was ashamed, but...strangely, he worried Jett would tell Dak, who would tell James, and he wanted to be the one to do it first. "There was this gallery in Cleveland I used to love going to. I love art."

That started a conversation about styles they liked and their favorite artists. Having lived in big cities, they talked about the differences in small-town life. Jett joked about his friend in LA who always gave him shit about moving back home, and Kendall told him he'd gotten the same thing when he'd announced to people he knew that he was moving.

He liked Jett a lot, he realized. They had a great deal in common. An hour or so later when they got up and walked back to their cars together, Kendall said, "Thanks for this. It means a lot to me-you getting to know me, for Dak." There wasn't a doubt in his mind; that was what Jett had done.

"I'm glad I did it." He stopped for a moment as though in thought. "It's funny, that spot was the exact place Dak and I connected for the first time."

Kendall liked that. Somehow, it made the moment mean even more. "I'm really glad he has you."

Jett winked. "I'm glad he has me, too." They both laughed, and Jett continued, "Listen...I know you don't have any family out here. No obligation or anything, but Dak, his mom, and I are planning a big Thanksgiving dinner. We'd love it if you came."

He was trying to bridge the gap between Kendall and Dak, he thought. If he hadn't liked him before, he would have now. Even though a part of him hated to admit it, Jett was a special guy.

He opened his mouth to say yes, but then an image of James flashed in his head. What if James didn't have anywhere to go? Kendall wouldn't want him to be alone. He assumed the offer would be extended to James as well since he was friends with Dak.

Kendall almost thought better of it. He didn't want to make James uncomfortable in any way by making them look like some kind of package deal.

"I really appreciate that offer. Can I get back to you in a few days? I need to check on a friend. I don't want him to be alone."

"You're welcome to bring him."

"Thanks. I'll extend the offer and let you know soon."

"Sounds good. I'm going to head back. I didn't get any photos."

They said their goodbyes, and as Kendall drove away, Lakeview looked a little brighter than it had before.

Since he'd came back he'd made friends with Jett, found James, and now just had to work on strengthening his reconnection with Dak. He hoped like hell this was good sign of what was to come.

* * *

 **Done! So, we got a little more detail of Kendall's backstory. It seems Kendall and Jett are now friends and that Kames will be living together!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will be up soon, possibly as early as Monday. We'll see what happens. :P**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello everyone! Me again. :P**

 **Before we dive into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Guest, Side1ways, winterschild11, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James was positive Dak's shop had never been so clean.

They were slow-likely because of the upcoming holiday. Dak was working on a Honda but hadn't needed James' help on it, so he tried to clean his thoughts away.

It hadn't worked.

Kendall had been in prison...that thought still sat heavy on his mind. It didn't make him trust Kendall any less. He wasn't sure if it should. James very much believed people deserved a second chance. Life wasn't always as pretty as some people wanted to pretend it was, but also, he just couldn't imagine Kendall locked up. He felt too big for that, which was a big thought in itself.

"You look rested today. I haven't seen you like this in a while. Sleeping in must have done you some good." Dak's words broke thought his thoughts.

 _Or the fact that I slept better last night than I have in months...on the couch...with Kendall...my head on his thigh and my hands on him._

And...there it was again- _last night._ "Sorry again about being late."

"You don't have to be. We're slow. You were tired. You're dependable and never call in. Shit happens." Dak said into the Honda engine.

He still couldn't believe he'd fallen asleep. That wasn't like James, obviously. Dak was right. He didn't know the last time he'd slept so well, so peacefully.

Dak glanced his way. James scratched the back of his neck, felt embarrassed as though Dak could read his thoughts and knew he'd slept with Kendall last night.

 _Shit._ Not slept with, slept with. Actual sleep. No sex. Why was he thinking sex?

And now he was arguing with himself as though he didn't know what he'd done last night. He was losing his goddamn mind.

"What's going on with you, man? You've been weird the past couple of months. You're not the same James I've come to know."

James grabbed some paper towels to...to clean the shit he already cleaned? "What's with _you_? You've been awfully chatty lately. Does love do that to a guy?"

"I'm just trying to return the favor from when you were there for me."

James sighed, set the paper towels down, and leaned against the sink on the back wall. "I'm the same James. I'm just feeling...antsy lately."

"Seasonal depression?" Dak asked.

"No." He shook his head. "Or maybe? I don't know. I've just had a lot on my mind, and I've been feeling a little wonky." Everything going on in his life didn't help; Stephanie and thinking about Emma made it hard, too.

Dak watched him, looking as though he wanted to ask more questions, but settled on, "I'm just going to say my door is always open to talk if you need me, and then I'm going to change the subject so I'm not pushing. You find a place yet?"

His hand went to the back to the neck again. _Damn it._ When did he start doing that when he got nervous? And why the hell was he nervous in the first place?

"Um...yeah...I'm going to rent a room from your friend Kendall. He has a big-ass house to himself and made me the offer. You know, just being nice. I think I'm going to start another pot of coffee. You want to some coffee?" _Stop sounding guilty. You have nothing hide..._

"Good. I'm actually glad to hear that." Dak replied, not sounding as though he was clued in on James' weirdness. "I think he could use a friend. We haven't gotten to spend much time together since he's been back. It's… We have a strange history I'll have to tell you about sometime."

 _I already know,_ James kept himself from saying.

"It's good having him back. He's one of the only positive memories I have of my childhood, but...it's strange, too. I feel like I haven't taken the initiative to get to know him again the way I should. Trying to work through shit, you know?"

He wondered if it was strange because of Jett-being with Jett, and who Jett had been when they were younger, and what Kendall represented for Dak.

"Yeah, I know. Life, huh? Throws you some fucking curveballs sometimes." _Like cuddling with another man and having the best night of sleep I've had in ages. Fuck._ Why did everything keep going back to that?

"It sure as hell does. But sometimes those curveballs turn out to be the best things that could ever happen to us, too."

James knew he meant Jett and their relationship, but he still felt a tingle in the bottom of his gut. He told himself it was because he had to take a leak, which he absolutely knew wasn't true. "I haven't experienced that. I'll have to take your word for it. I need to hit the john."

James went to the restroom, took a leak, washed his hands, and then came out to make a fresh pot of coffee. He helped Dak with the Honda and tried like hell to keep his mind off Kendall, last night, and moving in with him. Logically, he knew he was making a big deal out of nothing, but he figured most big deals typically were.

"Let me know if you need any help moving." Dak told him when they were locking up for the night.

"Will do. Kendall offered too, so I should be good."

Dak smiled. James ignored it and walked to his car.

When he got there, Dak called, "Hey. I was thinking maybe you might want to come over for Thanksgiving dinner. I know you don't have any family around, so…"

James opened his mouth to say yes, but then thought about Kendall. They'd be living together. Kendall didn't have family locally that James knew about, but that didn't mean he wasn't going away. The thought of him being alone didn't sit well in his chest, so he answered, "Yeah, I'm sure that'll be great. I need to check on something, though. Can I get back to you in a couple of days?"

"Of course." Dak replied. "See you on Tuesday."

As James pulled out of the parking lot, Dak's words drifted from where he tried to hide them in the back of his brain.

 _But sometimes those curveballs turns out to be the best things that could ever happen to us, too._

Fucking baseball. He'd never been much of a fan anyway.

XxX

James had texted Kendall Saturday evening to tell him he was going to spend Sunday packing and that maybe he could start moving his things in on Monday. Sunday was an excuse. He hadn't needed the whole day since he'd already been packing up things he didn't need.

It was Monday morning now, and Kendall was on his way over. James had rented a small U-Haul, and hadn't wanted to ask to borrow Dak's truck.

He was waiting on the porch, wearing a flannel jacket, when Kendall's car pulled into the driveway. James waved, almost scratched the back of his neck, then stuck his hands in his pockets as though he didn't know what else to do with them.

"Hey. I grabbed you a donut." Kendall told him as he got out of the car. "I stopped at Golden Spoon." He handed James a small, white paper bag.

A delicate feeling of gratitude settled in his bones. "You didn't have to do that."

Kendall shrugged. "I know. I got me one, too. I like my sweets every once in a while." His eyes darted away.

Was it James' imagination, or did Kendall seem nervous, too? Obviously, that didn't make sense. He was gay. He slept with guys...slept as in _sleeping with_. Was he really going to do that again? "Come in. We can eat and then get started."

Kendall followed him into the small apartment. They stood by the table and ate their donuts. James had orange juice and poured them each a glass. They were quiet, eerily quiet. He could hear his own damn pulse in his ears, which was saying something.

"I don't think Friday night meant anything." Kendall spoke at the same time as James said, "Sorry I fell asleep on you."

They looked at the each other, laughed, and that easily, James knew it was over. They'd pushed the awkwardness aside because it shouldn't have been there anyway.

"I _am_ pretty comfy." Kendall joked. "I didn't try to make a move on you, though. I want to make sure you know that."

"I don't think that. I never did. I just…" He didn't know what he was going to say, so he didn't say anything at all. He felt a twinge of what reminded him of regret, but that didn't make any sense. "So...how much are you charging me, anyway? I agreed to move in with you, and we didn't even talk money." Which was weird. He knew it was weird, and Kendall had to know it, too.

"What sounds fair to you?"

They discussed numbers, utilities, and food until they agreed. Their donuts were done by then, and James said, "I'm going to rent a small storage unit. They said they have plenty of openings, so I could do it when I bring the truck back. I was thinking we could put the storage things in first, then what's going to your place, so it's easier to get out."

"Our."

"Our what?"

"Our place. You live there now, Sweet Tooth."

Yeah, but that didn't make it his.

"Also, save yourself the money. There's plenty of space. There's a family room toward the back that I didn't show you. I haven't really done anything with it. We can put your furniture in there if you want. That'll give you some space that's yours too, if you want out of your room but I'm driving you crazy at the same time."

James rolled his eyes. "I can't imagine that ever happening." And he couldn't, but then Kendall smiled at him and his skin suddenly felt warm, so he turned the fuck away and didn't let himself try to make sense of it.

"Come on. Let's start packing." Kendall said, and somehow, James knew he'd changed the subject for him.

It didn't take them long to empty the apartment and get the truck loaded. James locked up knowing he would have to come back to clean. He followed Kendall to his house, where they set about unloading again.

The family room Kendall had mentioned was a large space with a door that led to the back porch and yard. They arranged James' couch and living room furniture in there, all except the TV, which would go in his room, and Kendall moved the smaller TV from the spare room he'd given James for his to the living room.

They'd both figured if they were watching TV downstairs, it would be in the living room anyway.

"I was thinking of making that some kind of game room." Kendall told him.

"Like a man cave?" James asked. "Oh, we can get a pool table. I fucking love pool. That might mean the big TV should go in there, though. You can't have a man cave without a big TV."

"Me man. Must have big television." Kendall joked, making James chuckle.

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Maybe a little. And I love billiards, too. I'll have to kick your ass at it."

"You wish." He replied, but his thoughts were still going. "If we have people over and we hang out in here, you know, it makes sense. That way if you're bent over the pool table to take a shot, your ass isn't blocking the screen."

Kendall froze. James cocked a brow, trying to figure out what he said that made Kendall freeze up like that.

"It's killing me not to make a joke about being bent over the pool table. You have to know that."

Actually, James hadn't even thought about it. A visual flashed in his head of Kendall in his pajama bottoms of all things, bent over the table, and... _Holy fuck_ , what in the hell was he doing? Heat traveled down the back of his neck, and he knew his face had to be red.

Did Kendall like that? Someone playing around back there? He knew it had to be enjoyable because people fucking did it, but no one had ever touched him there. Maybe he'd like that? Maybe it would feel different. Better.

"Breathe, Sweet Tooth. I think your head might explode. Jesus, can people really turn that red? Should I call someone? It can't healthy."

That made James roll his eyes and effectively-or sort of effectively-helped take his mind off where his brain had just gone. "You're a regular comedian."

"If you say so. I'll have to remember to cut the ass jokes from my future acts."

James' embarrassment just...slipped away after that. Kendall was good at that, making him laugh. "I hate you."

"No, you don't. We're roomies now. You're not allowed to hate your roomie."

They finished getting things organized, and then James returned the truck. He'd left his car at the rental place. From there he went over to clean the apartment so he wouldn't have to worry about going back.

It was after eight when he got back to Kendall's place-their place-no, it felt too weird to think of it that way.

He knocked, not even thinking about checking the door. Kendall answered a few minutes later in those damn pajama bottoms again. "I didn't know adult men actually wore those."

"You're weird."

He stepped inside. "Gee, thanks."

"You live here. You can just walk in, you know? I'll get you a key made tomorrow."

Yes, he did live here. He should get used to walking in. "Thanks. Not just for the key, but for letting me stay here and everything."

"You thank me too much. It's fine."

They stood around sort of awkwardly before James said, "I think I'm going to head upstairs. I need to shower, get a few things unpacked, and then try and get some rest."

Kendall nodded, but James could have sworn he saw a hint of disappointment there. "I'm probably going head up in a bit myself."

"Good night." James replied. He walked to the stairs, stopped, and then said, "I know this sounds a little weird, but what are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing. If you have plans, that's great, but if not, we can make it here if you'd like. Or...I ran into Jett by the lake the other day, and strangely, he invited me over. I asked him for a couple of days because I thought I'd check with you."

James' pulse punched against his skin, and a smile spread across his face. He tried to hold it back because it was...well, he didn't know why. Because he didn't want Kendall to know he'd done the same thing? Or that he appreciated it?

"What are you grinning about?" Kendall asked.

"Dak invited me over, and…" He scratched the back of his neck. "I asked for the same thing...a few days...to see what you were up to."

Kendall's face split into a smile of his own. "Bet you didn't tell him who you wanted to check with, same as I didn't."

"Nope."

"Stop copying me. I swear, Sweet Tooth, you're always trying to be like me-cars, insomnia, and now this."

"Yeah, because insomnia is a good thing?"

"Good point." They were quiet for a moment, and then Kendall continued, "I say we go for it. The more the merrier and all that."

"Yeah." James replied. "I think we should go for it, too."

His body felt oddly lighter, airer as he walked up the stairs and to his room. Kendall's was at the end of the hallway. He stepped inside his own, closed the door, and leaned against it.

James felt...good...happy. His heart beat a little faster then as the thought of his growing friendship with Kendall settled nicely into his chest.

* * *

The next few days were hard for Kendall to put into words.

James went to work every day while Kendall walked around the house and pretended he had a plan, that he knew what in the hell he wanted to do.

It was strange not having a job or any kind of real responsibility. He'd gotten his first job out of prison and hadn't stopped working, ever, until now. Oftentimes he worked more than one job, or worked and went to school. He'd kept busy, put money away, and tried to be a functioning adult.

Now...the nothing was a little hard to deal with.

On Wednesday he'd ended up having coffee at Golden Spoon with Jett, who'd asked Dak for Kendall's phone number. Since James and Dak worked together, and Jett worked from home and Kendall wasn't doing shit, it made sense for him and Jett to hang out. It would give them something to do.

His evenings with James were comfortable, while at the same time slightly stilted. He didn't know if that was the right way to word it. They laughed, had a few meals together that Kendall made-unless James was eating cereal, which he seemed to love-but there was an unspoken agreement between them as well.

They didn't talk about the insomnia, sleeping on the couch together, or Kendall's promise to finish his story and James' to give Kendall some of his.

On Friday, Kendall made a trip to Portland, needing to get away. He browsed and took in some shops. On his way back, he'd made a last-minute stop at one on the marijuana dispensaries because...well, why the fuck not?

There was an accident on the way out of the city, which made traffic back up, so it took him a little longer to get home than he'd planned.

By the time he pulled his Charger into the driveway, James' was already there.

He laughed at the ridiculousness of their matching cars before climbing out of his own. It was a little strange to come home to someone else in his house. This was the first time he hadn't already been there when James got back from work.

He shivered before stepping through the door. James stood at the island in the kitchen. His eyes darted toward Kendall when he came in. "Oh...hey. You're home. I'd gotten food for dinner, but when I got home, I wasn't sure if I should start it or not. I didn't know when you would be back."

His voice was a little soft, unsure, and when Kendall didn't answer right away, James added, "Just because you've been the one to cook every other night...and it's not as if I expected you home or you had to come home. I just…"

"You're flustered." Kendall walked toward him.

"I am not."

"Okay."

"Seriously," James added, "why the fuck would I be flustered?"

Kendall wasn't sure. He knew what he sort of hoped, which made no sense considering James told him he was straight. "I'm not the best cook. I burned dinner one night. I'm not sure my cooking counts for much."

"Oh, no worries about that. I'm a shit cook, too."

"Too? Gee, thanks." Kendall laughed, and James rolled his eyes. "Well, at least we're shit cooks together. Let me get my jacket off, and I can help you. What are we having?"

He pulled his hoodie off and tossed it to a chair.

"Spaghetti, but no worries. You don't have to help." Kendall caught James' eyes, and James shrugged. "It's a...thank you, or whatever. For letting me stay here."

"You need to thank me, but okay." He sat on one of the barstools. Kendall watched as James washed his hands, opened a package of ground beef, and put it on a skillet on the stove.

He'd changed from his work clothes, Kendall noticed. He had on jeans that were worn in the ass and hung low on his hips, and a black t-shirt. When he scratched his back, Kendall saw the edge of his boxer briefs, which were about an inch above where his jeans sat.

Fuck, that got him. _So fucking hot._

He cleared his throat. "How was work today?"

"Pretty good. We got a Mustang in that's fucking beautiful. I got to give Dak shit because he was busy with something else so she's all mine."

"You guys do that often? Fight over cars?"

"Fuck yes." James replied. "Who wouldn't?"

"I wouldn't."

"Well, we've already acknowledged that you're weird." He looked over his shoulder at Kendall and gave him a teasing grin that looked really good on his face.

"That I am." He paused for a moment and then asked, "You guys are pretty close? You and Dak?"

James continued to cook, his back to Kendall, and shrugged. "Yeah, you can say that. He was the first person I really knew and connected with here. He took a chance on me by giving me a job-being an outsider and all." He joked, but Kendall had a feeling it wasn't real far off from the truth. "We used to go for a few beers frequently, but we've been going a little less since Jett came back. Dak's a solid guy and I like him."

Kendall set his elbows on the marble countertop, thought about their childhood...all the shit Dak had gone through. "It feels good, seeing him happy."

It took James a few moments to reply. He didn't turn around, and Kendall had a feeling that was on purpose. "What about you?" He finally asked.

"What about me?"

"Are you happy?"

Kendall thought about it, wishing he had something to keep himself busy the way James did. They kept coming back to shit like this, important stuff. Finally, he answered as truthfully as he could.

"I'm not sure. I mean, yeah, in a lot of ways I am, but I could be happier. What about you?"

James turned then and leaned against the counter. "I'm not sure… I mean, yeah, in a lot of ways I am, but I could happier."

He grinned, and fuck if Kendall could keep himself from doing the same. "Always copying me."

The conversation stopped then. James finished cooking, and they chatted about the upcoming holidays, and whatever random shit they could. They ate together, and it tasted a whole lot better than it would have if Kendall had cooked. Afterward he looked at James and asked, "You smoke?"

"Cigarettes?" He asked.

"Pot."

A slow smile split James' face. "Sometimes. It helps me relax. It's not something I do often, but you wouldn't have to twist my arm. If you've got weed, I sure as shit hope you have munchies."

"Yes and no. I figured we'd compromise. I got chips for our munchies, bad for you like always, only salty for me, and since I know you're such a sweet tooth and all, I got edibles."

"I've never had edibles before."

"Me either, but I figure there's a first time for everything. Chocolate chip cookies sound good to you?"

"Is that really a question?"

They put the dishes in the sink before they made their way to the living room couch. Kendall had grabbed the cookies from his jacket pocket on the way. "I got each of us one, but the guy who worked there said to take it slow. Apparently, they're pretty potent."

Still, he handed one whole cookie to James and then opened his own. They each took a bite, and James frowned. "Kind of takes most of the sweet out of it."

"Poor baby."

"Fuck off." James replied, then winked, and they took another bite, and another… Once they'd each eaten half of their cookies, they decided to wait a little while. James talked more about the Mustang and then got on the topic of Jett's art. A little while later, James said, "I think our cookies are broken. I don't feel anything."

"Are you sure? You just called our cookies broken." Kendall wasn't feeling anything either, though.

"Yeah...I'm sure. I'm going to finish mine." He leaned forward, grabbed the treat off the coffee table. Kendall figured, what the hell, grabbed his, and started in on it, too. It wasn't long before a laugh started low in his gut, made its way through his chest, and out his mouth.

It was sort of loud and out of nowhere. He was aware he had absolutely no reason to laugh, which just made him do it even harder.

Crazily, he jumped when another laugh joined his own. He looked at James, who said, "I don't think our cookies are broken anymore," and they both held their stomachs as they continues their fits of laughter.

"What time is it?" Kendall asked, though he wasn't sure why he wanted to know.

"Eight. Holy shit, it's only eight!"

He had no idea why that was the funniest fucking thing he'd ever heard, but it was. Luckily, James agreed with him. It felt like they were at it for ten hours, but it also felt like ten seconds-he wasn't sure which. His head was going in circles, and he held onto the arm of the couch so he didn't go with it. "Do you like my spinning house?" He asked James.

"Dude...I was just thinking the same thing."

"I didn't know you said dude." Kendall replied. His brain told him that made no sense, but he didn't take it back.

"I didn't know either. Ooh! Get the chips. I _love_ chips." James said as he grabbed his shoulder and shook him.

"I thought you were a sweet tooth, Sweet Tooth."

"I am, but I can still love chips. Stop hogging being a salt fiend, Salt Fiend."

They laughed again, because they were the funniest fucking people on the planet.

Kendall got the chips and two water bottles. They sat on the couch and ate the whole damn thing, laughing and making jokes that they forgot three seconds later. They were in the middle of one of their laughing fits when Kendall remembered something from his own his own past that suddenly felt really fucking important to tell James...or funny. Maybe it would just be funny. Funnily important?

He shook James' shoulder the way James had done to him earlier. "How far did I get in my story the other night? Did I make it to the porn?"

James' eyes widened, reminding Kendall of a cartoon or something.

"Um...no. We didn't get to porn. I think you skipped a few steps in there. You've done porn?"

"Yeah, but I can't tell you if I skipped some steps. I just don't remember what they are right now. I just remember the porn." Maybe because he was horny? And James was close? They'd somehow gotten closer on the couch. He could smell the light scent of motor oil and felt a warmth on his left side. "Makes sense, I guess. Who doesn't remember the fucking?"

They went through another crazy laughing fit. James' hand came down on his thigh as they continued on to the point where Kendall had forgotten what was funny.

Finally, between gasps, James said, "Well, there's one thing we're different in. You were a fucking porn star, and I don't even enjoy sex."

Kendall stopped laughing at that, but James didn't seem to notice. "How fucked up is that? What kind of man doesn't like sex? Actually, that's a lie. I'm a liar. Liar, liar, liar. I loved sex with my ex-wife, craved it all the time. That's the only time, though. Otherwise, I don't want it, don't feel attracted to anyone. Looks like it wasn't the cookies that were broken; it's me."

Kendall's pulse slammed so hard in his ears that he thought it should be hard to hear James...only it wasn't. He was loud and fucking clear. Despite the laughter in James' voice, Kendall only heard the pain, the confusion, the fact that he really fucking thought something was wrong with him.

"That doesn't mean you're broken." He found himself saying, and James' laughter immediately cut off like the power had been killed to his body. His jaw was tense, and Kendall knew he'd just realized what he'd admitted and wasn't happy about it. "That doesn't mean you're broken." He said again.

James' hand jerked off his thigh-holy fuck, he hadn't realized it was still on his thigh. He ran it through his hair, tugged on the strands, and then suddenly, he shoved off the couch.

"I think I'm going to be sick." He mumbled. Kendall didn't' move, just watched as James disappeared up the stairs.

* * *

 **Done! So...yeah, it looks like things took a bit of a turn. But at least it seems that Kames are slowly learning more about each other.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will pick up where this one left off. I'm not sure when that'll be up, but it'll definitely be up by this weekend at the latest!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with a new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James hardly made it to the bathroom in his room before he emptied his stomach into the toilet. His throat burned as he vomited, his stomach cramped, and his brain wouldn't shut down.

 _Well, there's one thing we're different in. You were a fucking porn star, and I don't even enjoy sex._

 _How fucked up is that?_

 _What kind of man doesn't like sex?_

 _I loved sex with my ex-wife, craved it all the time. That's the only time, though. Otherwise I don't want it, don't feel attracted to anyone. Looks like it wasn't the cookies that were broken; it's me._

His gut tightened as he let loose and heaved into the toilet again.

He'd never said those words out loud to anyone before, never let them past his lips because that would make them real. Hell, he hadn't even told Stephanie because he hadn't had to. He'd thought she'd fixed whatever was fucked up inside him.

Yet, he'd just told Kendall...who was basically a stranger...only he didn't feel like one. Hell, they lived together, for God's sake.

 _That doesn't mean you're broken._

Another wave of nausea hit him, only there wasn't anything left inside him to come up. What would Kendall think of him? Christ, he couldn't believe he'd told the man that.

James flushed the toilet, went to the sink, and brushed his teeth. His head throbbed, his high basically gone, but his body was exhausted. He felt like shit, wanted to close his eyes and pretend the night had never happened.

How would Kendall look at him the next time he saw James? What would he think?

James leaned against the wall, slid down it, hands knotted in his hair, elbows on his knees, legs bent.

 _I don't want it, don't feel attracted to anyone. Looks like it wasn't the cookies that were broken; it's me._

 _That doesn't mean you're broken._

His eyes squeezed shut when he heard footsteps in his room. Fuck, he'd forgotten to close the door.

"Hey...Sweet Tooth...you okay?" Kendall called out, but James didn't have it in himself to answer. He wanted to disappear, but that made him feel even less of a man than he already did. He'd said it; the least he could do was own up to the shit. It was out now.

Still, he didn't move, didn't speak.

There were more soft footsteps. When they stopped, he knew Kendall stood in the doorway to the bathroom. Finally, after they were both quiet for what felt like an eternity, he found himself saying, "I loved being with Stephanie. I wanted her, was attracted to her… Shit, you didn't even know I'd been married." He looked up at Kendall then, met his eyes, and all he saw there was kindness.

In a lot of ways, it made James feel worse, like Kendall felt sorry for him. "I wanted her. I was attracted to her." He needed to make sure Kendall knew that. It made him feel less defective.

Kendall shrugged, and though James could tell he was trying to play it off, they both knew this was a big deal, at least to James. "So, you're demi. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I'm what?" James asked, still sitting there on the bathroom floor.

Kendall stepped inside, sat down on the opposite wall, and said, "Demisexual. Do you not know what that is?"

James shook his head. _Demisexual?_ There was a name for him?

"Have you never talked to anyone about this? Or looked it up?"

"Fuck no. I didn't want anyone to know. At first I tried to fuck just to fix it. My dad…" He shook his head. "Where I come from, you're straight or you're wrong, and there's no other choices. Hell, I didn't even know anyone who was out before I met Dak."

Not craving sex felt like something other than normal, so James had kept it to himself. As for research...he'd been scared he wouldn't find anything, that he'd see that there really was something wrong with him.

"Then I fell in love Stephanie, and...it was all okay."

"Demi is…" Kendall started. "It's on the asexual spectrum of things. Only, those who are asexual don't feel physical attraction. People who are demi do, but they have to form an emotional attachment first. Once you feel that emotional connection, the rest comes with it. I'm assuming that's what happened with your wife?"

James was shaking, fucking trembling, his throat closed up, preventing him from speaking, so he nodded.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Sweet Tooth. You're not broken. You're not less of a man, if that's what you're thinking. You just feel attraction differently."

"I…" James started, but he didn't know what to say. No one had ever known this about him before. It was as if Kendall was the first person who'd ever truly seen him, seen past what James had shown the world, to this secret part of him that he'd always been ashamed of.

Kendall saw it, had an answer for it, and he didn't think something was wrong with James because of it.

"Here...look." Kendall stood, walked over, and sat beside him. It was fucking ridiculous-they were on the floor, in the bathroom, next to the toilet he'd just vomited in, but he didn't move.

Kendall opened the browser on his phone, looked up demisexual, and handed it over to James.

He read, read about himself, and dammed if a weight didn't suddenly lift off of him, a heaviness he hadn't even known he'd carried around with him.

He read it again.

And again.

He was demisexual.

James still wasn't a hundred percent sure exactly what that meant, but he knew he had a name, and it wasn't just him who felt this way.

"I remember when I was a teenager, the guys in my class started talking about girls, about how this one had nice tits and the other lips. How they couldn't wait to get their dicks wet, shit like that, and I remember looking at women and wondering why I couldn't feel it. Like, I knew an attractive woman and nice lips when I saw one, but I knew I should wonder what they felt like. I knew I should desire them in some way, but I just...didn't."

He'd started freaking out, thinking something was wrong with him, and then wondering if he was gay. "I started looking at my male friends then, trying to figure out if I was attracted to them, but I just didn't feel anything."

"That had to be confusing." Kendall said. His leg was up against James', his arm and body too-warm and soft and comforting. James considered moving, scooting over just slightly, but he didn't. He didn't want to lose that warmth.

"Yeah, you can say that again." James paused, considered ending his story, keeping it to himself, but he realized he _wanted_ to share it with Kendall. He wanted to let it free, and maybe himself in the process, and there was no one else he could imagine telling it to.

"I learned pretty quickly that I should be feeling like they did and if I didn't, I needed to at least fake it. I lived in a small town-just over a hundred kids in my didn't want to stand out there, didn't want to be different."

"It's shitty that we have to fear being different. That we feel like we have to strive to be carbon copies of everyone else."

He knew Kendall must have felt the same way growing up. "Yeah, it's pretty fucked."

"What happened next?" Kendall asked.

"There was a party once. I was seventeen. Everyone was talking shit, making plans to hook up that night, who they wanted to fuck. Half of my friends had already lost their virginity, and I hadn't even fucking kissed anyone. There was this girl, Hailey. She liked me. I decided to go for it, just fucking do it, but I couldn't. I freaked out a little and took off. Fuck, this is embarrassing." He ran a hand over his face, dropping his head back against the wall.

"There's no reason to be embarrassed. It's just me."

Just him...just Kendall. Damned if that didn't make a huge difference, even though he wasn't sure if it should.

"My buddy Justin came with me. He was joking around with me, giving me shit. My dad heard; the next day he takes me camping, brings beer, lets me have some. Because that's apparently how fathers and sons deal with important things."

"Of course." Kendall replied with a sad smile.

"He asked me...fuck, if everything was working right, which was one of the worst conversations of my life. My dad asked me if I got a fucking hard-on because apparently a seventeen-year-old boy wasn't right if he didn't want to have sex. I told him I was fine. He asked...shit, he asked if I was gay, only with less appropriate words.

When I told him no, he was….relieved. I saw him relax. He chalked it up to performance anxiety. Made it obvious it wasn't normal for a man not to want to have sex, so I did it. Forced myself, found whatever way I could to get hard and fake it. I kept doing it, hoping things would change, and they never did. Not until I fell for Stephanie."

His chest tightened at the mention of his ex-wife. There were too many memories attached to her to allow himself to go there. "Whatever had been broken with me, I thought she'd fucking fixed it. I wanted her all the damn time." He smiled at the memory.

"What happened? Between the two of you?"

Pain ripped through James' chest, a deep piercing anguish that nearly stole his breath. "Not tonight." He couldn't go into that tonight, maybe not ever. It hurt too much.

Kendall nodded. "Fair enough."

"I feel like shit." James admitted. "My stomach is in knots and my head is foggy. I'm never fucking touching an edible again."

Kendall chuckled. "Yeah, I'm not feeling so hot myself. My bright idea decided not to be so bright after all."

He didn't want Kendall to blame himself. Didn't want him to regret tonight at all. "I'm glad we did it. I needed this."

"Yeah...yeah, I'm glad we did it, too." Kendall stood then, leaving the right side of James' body cold and feeling almost wrong. When Kendall held out his hand, James looked up at him, then reached up and let Kendall pull him to his feet. "You should get some rest. It's after nine, after all. We're fucking party animals."

James chuckled, realized he hadn't let go of Kendall's hand, so he did, and then he missed that warmth, too.

They walked back into the bedroom together, and James fell onto his bed. Kendall made it to the door, and James' pulse jumped, thumped loudly in his ears. He didn't want Kendall to go. Fuck, he didn't want him to leave. Why didn't he want Kendall to go?

"Wait." He called out just as Kendall stepped through the doorway.

He turned back, looked at James, and smiled. The twist in his gut somehow loosened, and his skin buzzed.

"Yeah?" Kendall asked.

"Are you going to finish what you started telling me last weekend?"

"Right now?"

"No, I was thinking in a month or so. Yes, right now."

"Funny guy." Kendall came his way again. "I'm sitting by you. I'll be good, though. I promise." He added as he stepped out of his shoes.

James didn't reply, didn't take his eyes off Kendall as he climbed into the bed beside him. He didn't lie down like James had, instead leaning against the headboard, but still, he was in James' bed. They were sharing a bed, and damned if that didn't make the fucking buzz get stronger.

* * *

Kendall was in trouble.

He liked James, liked him in ways he really fucking shouldn't. He'd sensed it before, but it became obvious tonight. He'd wanted to soothe the pain James felt, wanted to make sure he knew nothing was wrong with him, wanted to touch him, to know what his mouth tasted like, which should be the last thing on his mind right now.

James had bared his heart to Kendall, opened up to him in ways he hadn't with anyone else, and all Kendall do was wonder how his body would feel beneath his own. How their lips would move together and what it would be like to explore every inch of James' skin.

Not only was he in trouble, he was apparently an insensitive asshole who thought with his dick. One shouldn't want to fall into bed with someone at a time like this.

"You're not talking." James said after a few moments.

"Are you always this pushy?" He teased.

"Oh, this is nothing. I can get pushier if I need to."

Kendall chuckled. "Fine, fine. Um...let me back up to before the porn. My parents passed away when I was in prison. Did I tell you that?"

"Shit. No. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." The last thing he wanted James to do was feel bad for wanting to know more about him. "It was a car accident. I lost them both, and I couldn't be there. I was behind bars, and in that time, we'd mended out relationship. I guess a suicide attempt and jail time does that. They were sorry and realized it didn't matter if I was gay. I was their son."

"I'm glad you had that." James said, and Kendall nodded.

"Yeah...I'm glad for it, too. So yeah, I lost them, and it opened my eyes. I got my GED while I was in prison, worked to be a better person. It was just another thing that happened in my life that made me see how quickly everything could be gone. When I got that out, I enrolled in college-had no fucking clue what I wanted to do. Graphic arts and writing were both something I enjoyed, so that's what I did. I majored in business, though, figuring I could do more with that. My parents had left me money, but I didn't spend it. I couldn't. I wasn't ready, so I kept it in the bank and invested some." It was what saved him now.

"I ran myself into the ground-school, two jobs, one of them bartending. But I loved it-the people I met and the stories I heard. That's when I learned to function off very little sleep."

"Is that how you became a porn star? Someone you met?"

"Adult entertainment model, thank you very much." Kendall nudged James to make it obvious he was teasing. "But yeah, I met a guy in the bar one night. He was fucking gorgeous, and I went home with him. He was a model. He made it sound fun, and I was trying so hard to find my place in the world, to find what felt right, you know? So I did it."

"Did you like it?" James asked.

"I did-outside of the fucking, too. I think sex can be empowering. Shit, I didn't mean-"

"Don't do that." James cut in. "Don't walk on eggshells around me. I know what you meant. I'm a big boy. I'm not going to take offense."

"You're right. I'm sorry." Kendall looked down, his eyes snagged on James'. He lay on his back, looking away, but then turned Kendall's direction when Kendall didn't avert his stare. "I'm sorry." He said again.

"I know. Now stop apologizing before I get pissed about that, too." He grinned, and damned if Kendall didn't, too.

"So, yeah. I quit my other jobs, finished school, and continued with porn. I found myself obsessed with it in some aspects. I saw so many guys gain confidence in themselves, there was a real brotherhood involved. I guess when you do something so many people think is wrong, you learn to stick together." Which was funny in a way. He'd had such a close relationship with people in some ways, but he'd felt a million miles away in others. He hadn't let himself create true bonds or let anyone completely in.

"People judged you?" James asked.

"People always judge. Even those who stand against judging of others still do it-they just don't let themselves see it." Kendall sighed before he continued.

"It strengthened my conviction in who I am and what I wanted. I'd seen pornography get guys through their doctorates. I'd seen guys who got kicked out of their houses as teeneagers for being gay learn how to accept who they were and thrive. I wasn't going to let that shit get me down.

I wrote a few articles for some gay men's organizations about sex and self-esteem and shit like that. Helped some of the younger guys figure shit out in their lives and then I realized I still didn't have my own figured out. I loved what I did, but I just got...tired, you know? I didn't feel settled. I was happy but I wasn't." He knew James understood that as they'd spoken about it before.

"I'd already been performing less, so I stopped. Did random jobs, things I'd never done before, just to find myself. I was fucking restless, didn't know what I wanted, so I got rid of most of my things, took some of the money I'd gotten when my parents died, put a down payment on this house, and now I'm in bed with you, after eating edibles and holding your hair back while you vomited."

James chuckled the way Kendall had hoped he would. "You didn't hold my hair back, you dickhead."

"I would have, though."

James was quiet before he said, "Yeah, I know you would have. Too bad it's not long enough."

What did that mean? Was he saying he would have wanted Kendall there for him? "Too bad for that."

They lay there quietly for what felt like a hundred years before James spoke. "I have more to tell you, but I can't go there yet. It's too much."

"I'm not going anywhere." Kendall assured him. The bond between them had been reinforced now. It was strong, sturdy, and Kendall realized he needed it.

"Who are you?" James asked after a moment.

"I don't know."

"You've lived a lot of life." James spoke as though that truly meant something, as though he was insecure about his own lack of experience.

"So? Experience isn't always living. Living is knowing who you are and what you want."

"Another thing we have in common." James said softly.

Kendall's fingers twitched. He wanted to reach out and touch him, to trace his lips with the pad of his thumb, to finger his soft, brown hair. He cleared his throat. "I should go to bed."

"You...you can stay here."

He really fucking wanted that, but he shook his head. "No...I think I should head to my own room. It's...it's been an eventful night." He'd want to touch James if he stayed.

Kendall stood and walked to the door. He grabbed on to the frame, paused, knew he should keep going, but instead, he turned around and looked at James, who now lay on his side staring at him.

He wanted to climb back into the bed, to kiss him, which again, wasn't where his brain should be going right now. Especially after just realizing that James was demi. "Night, Sweet Tooth."

"Night, Salt Fiend."

* * *

James couldn't stop researching demisexuality. Every site he found said the same things; still, he read them until his eyes stung.

He'd learned some people were demi-heterosexual and needed the emotional bond along with the person being of the opposite gender to truly feel sexual attraction and desire...but some didn't. For some, the gender didn't matter at all.

He found his eyes on Kendall often during the week-when they'd eat dinner or watch TV or pass in the hallway. James' gaze was drawn to him; he was curious about him, interested in him.

Was he sexually attracted to Kendall? He'd offered for the man to sleep in his fucking bed that night, which he had to admit, he was slightly embarrassed about. He hadn't even been sure why he'd done it, but he had, and he'd be lying if he didn't admit the sting of disappointment when Kendall had said no.

So, was it attraction, or the fact that he'd been emotionally exhausted and he'd slept so damn good the night they'd fallen asleep on the couch together?

And if it was attraction, what did that mean for him? Because apparently, that confirmed he had an emotional connection to Kendall. _Which could just be a friendly connection..._

All those thoughts became even more strained when he got a text from his dad.

 _Stephanie's doing well. It's...strange seeing her with child. Speaking of, I'd like to see my child again, too. Would be nice if you planned a visit. I'll be spending Thanksgiving with Steph if you want to give us a call._

James had answered artificially- _Maybe soon. Have a good Thanksgiving_ -and completely ignored his mention of Stephanie. The text played heavily on his mind for more than one reason.

His dad hadn't asked him to come home once since James left. Why now? When Stephanie was pregnant? Why tell James how Stephanie was doing at all? _Because I was married to her. I was going to have a family with her, and now she's starting her own and I'm possibly attracted to a man._

That brought him back to Kendall every time.

Kendall hadn't mentioned James' demisexuality or the night with the pot. They'd pretended the conversation had never happened, and he also didn't call James on the fact that he watched him, studied the way he moved and the cut of his muscles and the way his eyes wrinkled when he laughed.

Kendall had to notice, but he kept it to himself, gave James space, though James wasn't sure what in the fuck he planned to figure out in that space. Or what he would do when he figured out what in the hell was going on inside his head.

* * *

 **Done! So, we learned a bit more about both James and Kendall this chapter.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! I plan on having the next chapter up soon, and by soon, I mean by Wednesday at the latest. :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another new chapter! :D**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to thank Side1ways, Guest, winterschild11, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Kendall was going to lose his fucking mind.

It was the day before Thanksgiving. He and James had been tiptoeing around each other since Friday night. They were comfortable; it wasn't that. But he could feel James' eyes on him all the time-when they ate, when they talked. They singed his skin in the best way, and Kendall just wanted to burn with him.

He was horny and attracted to James, which was a dangerous combination.

Kendall sat in front of his laptop at the kitchen table. He eyed the clock for what felt like the hundredth time. James would be home any minute, and that's when he'd start going fucking crazy again because James would be watching him.

He could easily go upstairs, head to his room, but he wouldn't. There was no use in pretending he would. He liked James' eyes on him.

A few minutes later, a light shined through the window. He had a fire going and wore his pajamas already, even though it was hardly six. He loved it when it got dark early, and it wasn't as if he had anything to do anyway.

His eyes found the laptop when he heard the doorknob turn. He was fucking ridiculous, like a kid trying to pretend he wasn't waiting for James to get home. Kendall didn't know what it was about James that had ensnared him so completely. He was quiet and kind. Open and trusting and funny. Of course, he was fucking hot, too.

"Hey. It smells good in here." James said in that sexy voice of his.

"I baked you some chocolate chip cookies. All of a sudden, I'm fucking Suzie Homemaker or some shit. Never baked a thing in my life."

A moment later when James hadn't replied, Kendall looked at him. His head was slightly cocked as he took Kendall in. His brown hair was messy, his plump lips in a small frown. He rubbed his face before dropping his arm. He wore the jeans he'd had on the other night, the really worn ones, with a hoodie from Dak's shop.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Did I do something wrong? Do I have something on my face or something?" He rubbed it, just to be sure.

"You didn't have to bake me cookies."

"Us. I baked us cookies. I have to admit, I kind of like them too, and it's no problem. I'm bored as shit, and it gives me something to do."

"Oh, well, I thought you just did it because you liked me." James' words were playful and his frown was now gone, but the statement sort of knocked Kendall stupid. Honestly, he didn't bake those cookies for himself. He baked them for James.

And wait… Was James flirting with him?

"Do you _want_ me to have done it because I like you?" He asked.

James paused, rubbed his face again, and said, "I don't know. I can't honestly answer that. What are you doing?" And just like that, he changed the subject.

He pulled his hoodie off and tossed it to the table beside Kendall, then stood behind Kendall's chair.

"I'm looking for a job...or something. I don't know. I guess I feel like a loser sitting around the house all day. Hell, I look forward to baking _cookies_."

"You're pretty good at it for someone who can't cook." James teased.

"Asshole."

"That wasn't very nice. And here I thought we were friends."

They _were_ friends, and it meant a lot to Kendall. "Ugh. I guess we are." Kendall stood, a little unsure of what to do.

"Well, what did you like doing in the past? Was there anything you loved?"

"I enjoyed bartending...a lot. Porn for a while, but I don't want to do that anymore."

"Look around for something tending bars, then."

He'd thought of that, of course, but there wasn't much in Lakeview.

"You can look closer to Portland. The drive would suck, but there would be more options. Even outside of bartending, Portland might be your best bet...but then you better not want to move there. What would I do?"

"Because it's all about you?" Kendall teased.

"Hmm. I think yes."

"Someone has a big head all of a sudden." He joked. Then in reflex, he cupped James' cheeks in his hands. "Yep, it's definitely too big. What's happened to you?"

James sucked in a breath, and Kendall froze, feeling pretty fucking stupid right then. "Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

He went to let go, but James' words stopped him. "No...don't….Just stay there a minute. Please."

"Stay here as in not letting go of your face?" He confirmed.

"Yes...please…" His voice was husky in a different way now, needy. Kendall held his breath, but James breathed hard enough for both of them.

James' eyes fluttered closed, sliding a curtain between them. Kendall's head thudded. His blood rushed through his veins, a heavy flood he couldn't control.

"I'm sorry." James whispered. "I know it's weird. I just have to see something...just want to feel."

Fuck, Kendall wanted to feel, too. Wanted to feel James beneath him, wanted to see how soft his lips were. "It's okay. It's not weird." But it sort of was. Still, there wasn't a part of him that wanted to let go and pull away. Finally, he allowed himself to breathe.

"You're lying." James didn't open his eyes, but a smile curved his lips, and again Kendall wondered what that grin tasted like-happiness, most likely. "You're breath smells like chocolate chip cookies." He whispered.

"I'm a little self-conscious."

"Don't be. I like it." James' voice was even softer now. Fuck, he was going to wreck Kendall. Make him come apart over nothing, only it didn't feel like nothing.

James' forehead dropped against Kendall's and he waited, unsure of what to do. James breathed out and Kendall inhaled...and when Kendall exhaled, damned if James didn't inhale like they needed each other's air.

He was frozen, but his knees stills struggled to hold him up. He wasn't sure what they were doing, what James was thinking, and why it felt so damn heavy, so important, but it did.

When James moaned, he realized his thumb had begun to brush against James' skin back and forth over his cheekbone.

"I don't know what you want me to do here, Sweet Tooth." He whispered, so fucking close to James' mouth he could kiss him, experience the mouth he'd wondered about.

"I don't know what I want you to do here either. I just...You feel good. Your touch does, and I haven't had a lot of that-touch that makes me feel this way."

His knees nearly gave out on him then. One buckled, but Kendall fought to hold himself in place. Was he saying Kendall's touch turned him on? "Jesus, you're going to kill me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You feel good, too." He'd had a lot of sex in his life, but this moment, just holding James' face, felt like the definition of intimacy.

"I think…" James whispered before he nuzzled his cheek into Kendall's hand. "I think I'm attracted to you." It was Kendall's turn to gasp. "I think I'm attracted to you." He said again, opening his eyes, which he'd closed a second time. "And that's such a foreign concept to me. I'm pretty sure I felt it before we realized what I'm… That there's a name for me."

"Demi. You're demi. There's nothing wrong with you." Kendall would say it a thousand times if he needed to. He continued to brush his thumb back and forth against James' soft face, feeling the need to comfort him.

"You don't know what it's like...to dread sexual contact with someone because it doesn't make you feel the way it's supposed to. Because you don't get out of it what you're supposed to. I looked at people and didn't feel what I thought I should...but I think I do now, and that scares the shit out of me."

"Don't let it." Kendall drew circles on James' face. Wanted to lean in and rub his cheek against James' just so he could _feel_. "I know it's frightening, but just let go. I can make you feel good, Sweet Tooth. Just touch you. I won't go too far." It was probably a big-ass mistake, offering that, saying it, but Jesus, Kendall didn't think he _couldn't_ make the offer. He wanted James, but he liked him too, wanted to give him pleasure, to make him feel.

Neither of them put into words what that meant-that there was a bond there, an emotional connection on James' side, even if it was only friendship.

The truth was, Kendall felt it, too. He had for a while now, maybe since that first night in Golden Spoon. "I want to make you feel good." He said, and when James nodded, he leaned in, dropped one hand, and rubbed his cheek against James'.

His skin was smoother than Kendall's, and he wondered what his stubble felt like to James.

 _Light...I need to keep this light._ "Do you want to go upstairs with me, Sweet Tooth? I'll be good. I just wanna make you feel good. I'll bring the cookies."

He felt James' cheek move and knew he was smiling. "I...I think so." He replied, and then, "But only if you bring the cookies."

"Always busting my balls." He replied as he tried to keep himself in check. He could do this. He could touch James, let him have this experience, and not lose his damn mind.

There wasn't a part of him that believed it.

* * *

James' hands were shaking. He knew Kendall had to feel it as he locked their fingers together and turned for the counter. He grabbed the plate of cookies, cocked a brow at James, and then led him toward the stairs.

He didn't know what in the fuck he was doing, what he was thinking, but he couldn't stop it either. There was something about Kendall. He'd felt it from the start, and it continued to grow the more time they spent together.

He liked to watch him move, hear him talk, and see how his lips quirked when he did so. He'd been watching him for days, likely before that, and...he liked what he saw. It stirred something low and heavy in his gut that was both warm and tingly and made his head spin.

Attraction.

Desire.

Want.

They took the stairs slowly, Kendall still holding his hand and the cookies. When they got to the landing, there was a strong twist of nerves in his chest that James breathed through as he was led to Kendall's room. He didn't know what he wanted, what to expect when he got there.

Shock teased the edges of his brain at the fact that he was going to do...something with another man, but the surprise wasn't as strong as he might have expected. Maybe that was because he hadn't felt attraction for the women he'd been with other than Stephanie either. The whole concept-that it didn't really matter what Kendall's gender was-was new and intriguing. The significant part was how he made James _feel_.

Kendall let go of James' hand and set the plate on the bedside table.

James took in the room-the dark wood of his bed and the four twisting poles. His blanket was an earthy brown. Would he want to lay James down on it? If he did, what would they do there? And would James be ready for it?

He turned then, saw the bookcase, desk, and dresser. The French doors that opened the balcony. "I'm a little jealous you get the balcony." He teased.

"You can use it anytime you want." Kendall stood in front of him again before he knelt. His heart lurched when he thought Kendall was going to reach for his pants. On one hand, it would have been a blowjob he wouldn't complain about, but on the other, he didn't know if he was ready for that-which immediately made him feel like a fucking novice. Kendall had so much damn experience. He'd done porn, for God's sake, and James had enjoyed sex with one person in his entire life.

His brows furrowed when he realized Kendall wasn't reaching for his pants, but his shoes. He started to untie the left one. "What are you doing?"

"Running a marathon." Kendall looked at him and grinned.

"You know what I mean. You don't have to take off my damn shoes. It makes me feel…" He didn't know how it made him feel.

"I know. I want to. I want this to be about you. Don't argue with me, or you won't get any cookies."

Damned if his stomach didn't do a strange flip-flop at that. He liked this guy, liked him a lot.

Kendall took one shoe off, then worked on the other. As he did, James lifted his hand, hesitated before he ran his fingers against the top of Kendall's head, over the blond strands of hair. It felt like...well, it felt like hair, but the fact that it was Kendall's made his fingers tingle strangely.

Kendall finished with James' shoes, pushed to his feet, and they were close enough that James could feel his breath. "I wondered what your hair felt like, too." Kendall fingered James' hair, rubbed his scalp as if he'd just read James' mind. "You tell me if I go too far, okay? If you want me to stop, I will. No questions asked. I just want to touch you...just make you feel good. If it doesn't, tell me. I want...I want you to crave it."

Christ, James' knees almost gave out. He trembled. He wanted to crave, too. Wanted to _hunger_ for someone the way he hadn't done in years, the way he'd only done one time before. "Okay."

Kendall traced his ear with the pad of his finger, running it down his neck before he brushed his thumb against against James' collarbone.

This was nothing for Kendall, James knew that. If he were here with another man they'd be all hands and mouths. The man would treat Kendall's body in ways James didn't know how or wasn't ready to do. "I'm sorry." He dropped his head back as Kendall's fingers danced to his Adam's apple.

"Why are you sorry?"

"That I'm not doing anything….that you're just touching me." Innocently, at that.

"That's a stupid thing to be sorry for. I'm sure as hell not."

He did the same to James' left side as he'd done to his right-traced his ear, down his neck, across his collarbone. They were the most simple, innocent touches, but James' blood burned hot. His cock ached in the best way as it plumped behind the zipper of his jeans.

He was hard for a man, and he hadn't even had to work for the erection. "You've got my dick hard already." He wondered if that was a strange thing to say. James was in such foreign territory, but the way Kendall sucked in a rough breath told James he'd liked what he heard.

"That's good. I might have had my feelings hurt if I didn't." Kendall teased.

He let the first words that came to his mind roll freely off his tongue. "Take my shirt off. Please."

"You don't have to say please for that."

Kendall's fingers slid under the bottom of James' shirt. They were rough but gentle as he pulled the fabric up. James lifted his arms, moaning as Kendall moved his hands higher against James' skin, before the shirt went over his head and fell to the floor. "Can you take yours off, too?" He asked.

Should he do it for Kendall? Maybe he should… But he didn't, couldn't move, and Kendall didn't wait for him to. He ripped his own shirt over his head. He had a light dusting of hair on his chest, and James suddenly wondered what it would feel like on his cheek.

"Now I'm wishing I would have shaved. I usually wax."

"Why?" James frowned.

"I usually do it...fuck, just because, I guess. I wish I did because you're staring at me like you're not sure. Is reality hitting?"

"No...I was just wondering how it felt." So he touched it, ran his fingers over it. Maybe this was dumb. He had a light dusting of hair on his own chest. It wasn't like it felt any different, but James wanted to explore it because his blood felt altered-like he was really fucking high. His heart pounded and his skin burned. Just looking at Kendall made him feel sort of out of control, and he really enjoyed that experience.

"What's it feel like?" Kendall asked.

"Hair." He teased, earning a chuckle.

"Damn it. I thought I was going to blow your mind."

James paused, caught Kendall's eyes with his, and said, "You are. This is…"

"Shh." Kendall put his finger to James' lips. "Don't think. Just feel." He traced James' abdominal muscles, brushed his thumbs over James' nipples, making them pebble.

James was mesmerized by the feel of him.

Kendall walked around him, let his fingers ride the rises and dips of his spine, brushed his hands over his shoulder blades, teased the edge of his boxer briefs.

"I love this. Low-slung pants, a little preview. It about killed me the other night."

James closed his eyes, savored the feeling, balled his hands into fists so he didn't...fuck, he didn't know what he was trying not to do. "You were thinking about me….before tonight?"

"Fuck yes."

"I think I was, too. About you...but I didn't realize it." A strangled moan grew from his throat when he felt the soft press of lips on his shoulder blade, then the top of his spine. "Christ, you feel good."

"You do too, Sweet Tooth. I can keep going?"

"Yes."

He peppered kisses along James' back, his arm, his neck, as he circled James' body. He nuzzled his throat, kissed and sucked gently on the skin there.

James moaned again, reached up and grabbed Kendall's waist. He felt strong and hot, and damned if James' fingers didn't press harder, wanting to be sure Kendall was really there. That someone was really making him feel this-the swirl of desire and hunger coursing through his body.

James hissed when Kendall's tongue rasped across one nipple, then the other. He felt like he should be doing something to Kendall too, that he should return the favor, but right then all he could do was hold tight and _want….crave...feel._

His insides trembled, vibrated. He wanted to crumble, to come apart because fuck, it felt so damn good. Just Kendall's touch was enough to send him over the edge.

"My dick is fucking aching. Christ, I can't believe I'm so close to coming." It was slightly embarrassing. Kendall hadn't even done anything yet-not really-and James was about to blow his load.

"I'd love to make you come. Can I kiss you? Touch you some more?"

"Please..." The vibration inside James grew, intensified until he thought he would lose his mind. "Please do."

Kendall's mouth was soft against his, gentle kisses, a meeting of lips before his tongue sneaked out and swiped his bottom lip.

James groaned, surrendered to the need growing inside him, and pulled Kendall close. He wrapped his arms around him, opened his mouth, and let Kendall inside. Their tongues moved together, danced and wrestled, gave and took, licked and tasted.

He felt the urge to grab Kendall's ass but couldn't make himself do it, so he savored the feel of the hot skin back beneath his palms.

Kendall moaned into his mouth, kissed deeper, cupped the back of James' head as his other hand drifted down...down...until it covered James' cock.

The touch was tentative, but James wanted more. He bucked his hips, and then Kendall pressed harder, rubbed James' dick through his jeans in a circular motion. The friction made James' eyes roll back.

They kissed harder, deeper, and it didn't matter that Kendall was a man; what mattered was the need in James' gut. The rapid, excited beat of his heart, and yes, the throb in his dick.

This was Kendall, and James liked him. Kendall, who made him laugh and feel good and who _saw_ James, who knew James' defect but didn't see it as one at all. Made him feel okay and that contentment fueled the want, the attraction.

Kendall grabbed James' dick, did his best to stroke through his jeans, and James felt himself reach his peak. He let out a guttural moan, arched into Kendall as he let loose, as his orgasm washed over him, and his cock twitched in his jeans. He spilled his load in his pants, but they just kept kissing; Kendall kept touching. James would stand there all night if he could keep feeling this way.

Finally, it was Kendall who pulled away, but James didn't let go of him, didn't drop his hands from Kendall's back.

"How do you feel?" Kendall's hand hooked slightly under James' chin, his thumb brushing against his cheek.

"Like I just came so hard, I could die right this second and be a happy man."

Kendall chuckled, kissed the corner of his mouth, and the smiled against his face. "Good. I'm glad. I have to admit, I'm pretty good at this."

There was a part of James that wanted to joke too, but he couldn't. Instead, he just pulled Kendall tighter, held him close, and dropped his forehead against his. "I can't… That… Thank you."

"Please don't thank me for that. I wanted to do it. I want to do it again."

James did, too. "Did you come?" He asked, and Kendall shook his head. "Fuck...I'm sorry." It wasn't as if Kendall would have orgasmed that easily. He was the one with a quick trigger, apparently.

"No worries. I'll put my hand to good use."

He knew he should probably offer to do it for Kendall. He'd just given James an orgasm after all, but James wasn't sure he was ready for that. "Can I watch?"

"Oh fuck." Kendall shuddered against him. "You're fucking dangerous. Not sure I'll survive this, but yeah, you can definitely watch if you want to."

No shame, no embarrassment, Kendall pulled off his pajama bottoms and underwear right there. He kissed James' shoulder, then climbed onto the bed, head against the pillows.

James watched him as he took his dick in his hand. He stroked and James watched, transfixed. He felt like an idiot standing there, just watching Kendall jerk off, but he couldn't move.

Their eyes met; Kendall's held his as he worked his shaft. "It's not going to take me long."

Kendall jerked himself, and they watched each other. James wondered what his dick felt like, how hot it was. How soft the skin felt against the hardness beneath. "Christ, you're incredible."

The muscles in Kendall's throat tightened. He stroked faster, closed his eyes, tensed up. He unloaded as thick, white ribbons shot onto his chest, his stomach, and dripped down his strong hands.

They breathed heavily, didn't speak, didn't turn away from each other.

He'd just come with Kendall rubbing his dick. Just watched as Kendall jerked off.

He wanted to do it again.

But there was a part of him that felt it now-the nerves, the embarrassment seeping back in. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. You don't owe me anything."

He rubbed the back of his neck-fucking nervous gesture. "Yeah...okay...I should...I should go clean up."

He'd made it awkward. He felt awkward, but James didn't know how _not_ to.

"I should clean up, too."

"I…" He started, but didn't continue. What _could_ he say? Thank you again? "Goodnight" was what he settled on. Without another word, he left the room, closing the door behind him quietly. He wished he could go back inside.

They hadn't even gotten to the cookies, which was of course an excuse.

James shook his head and went to his room.

* * *

 **Done! So, it seems that the Kames has commenced! Kind of... :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! Not quite sure when the next chapter will be up, but it will hopefully be up sometime this weekend.**

 **Until then! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello again everyone! :)**

 **So, before we get into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James wouldn't look Kendall in the eyes.

It had been an awkward morning, which of course, Kendall had expected. Still, he wished James would at least make eye contact with him. If he did, Kendall thought it would be a whole lot easier to tell how he felt. If it was truly just awkwardness heavy in the air, or if it was wrapped up in regret.

They mumbled hi to each other and drank coffee in silence while James ate his marshmallow cereal. Afterward, they made their way to their own bedrooms to get ready head to Dak and Jett's place.

Should he have gone slower last night? Not kissed him? Made him come? Let him watch as Kendall jerked off? It had been hot as fuck, and he sure as hell didn't want to change what they'd done, but he didn't want to feel as though he'd taken advantage of James either.

It had been...well, pretty fucking incredible, and that was saying a lot since they hadn't done much.

Kendall showered, shaved, and got ready.

At eleven forty-five, he made his way downstairs to see that James was already there waiting for him. They were supposed to be at Dak's around noon. "Are we taking my car? I'm not sure I can be seen in yours. I have a reputation to uphold." Kendall said before watching, waiting for James to react to his ribbing.

He did, looking up at Kendall through a fan of his dark lashes as Kendall stood on the stairs. Jesus, he was sexy as hell. His hair was a little messy, which Kendall fucking loved. He wore jeans-not the ones Kendall said he liked-and a button-up black shirt with long sleeves.

He looked so damn innocent, unsure, as he gave Kendall a playful grin and rolled his eyes. "Not flashy enough for you, huh? The car doesn't maketh the man, Salt Fiend."

The silly nickname sat warm in his chest. "Oh, fuck you." Kendall reached the bottom step. "I know what kind of man I am, thank you very much. Grab your keys. You can drive. I didn't want to anyway. Might even take a short nap on the way home. My stomach will be so full and all."

"Well, shit." James muttered as he followed behind him. "I didn't think this through. Do I get a take-back?"

"Nope." Kendall grabbed his jacket from the chair, then reached for James', handing it over.

"Thanks." His eyes darted away, looking almost bashful. "We need a coat rack."

They'd managed to break through the first layer of tension; Kendall could feel it. Unfortunately, the bastard seemed fucking thick, and he thought they still had a way to go. "We do."

James felt his pockets, Kendall assumed, for his keys. His guess was confirmed when he pulled them out and said, "We should be on our way."

They made it almost to the door before his stupid mouth got in the way. "You look good, by the way."

James stumbled. Kendall reached out and wrapped his hand around James' bicep. "No need to get all flustered, Sweet Tooth."

"I'm not flustered."

"Not even a little?" Kendall asked.

"Okay, maybe a little."

He had a feeling that was the case. "I'll give you space. We're good though, right? You and me? I didn't fuck up?"

"No." James reached out then and fixed Kendall's hood, which had accidentally gotten tucked into the back of his jacket. "You didn't fuck up. We're good."

Kendall nodded. That was exactly what he needed to hear.

They were quiet again as they made the short drive to Dak's place, but the silence was more comfortable than it had been when they first woke up.

Kendall fought to keep his eyes to himself. The truth was, he wanted James, wanted him more than he realized. Last night… Jesus, it had felt good, even if it was kind of innocent. Maybe that was _why_ it had been different.

He knew what it meant to James-that he'd not only let a man touch him for the first time, but that he'd craved it. It had given him something that had so often been out of reach.

Sexual desire. Attraction.

Damned if knowing he received that from Kendall didn't make pride bloom in his chest.

Kendall shook those thoughts away as they drove down the driveway. "It's peaceful out here."

"Just as peaceful as it is at your place." James replied.

"Yeah, I know, but this is different. I used to spend time on this property with Dak as a kid. We'd sometimes hide away and make out on it." He laughed. "It's strange...the impact someone can have on your life, you know? All these years later and in some ways, it's like no time has passed. He still means the world to me, even though things are slightly strained with us. He's still the first person who ever really knew me." Which was why he wished they'd been able to spend more time together since he came back. Kendall got it. Dak had a life, a business, a partner he was crazy about.

"You miss him still." James said as he killed the engine.

"Yeah, I think I do."

"Makes sense. I feel that way about Stephanie. Some bonds just don't get broken, no matter what happens or how bad things get between people."

Kendall turned to look at him, saw the pain dim James' eyes.

Did he still love his ex? Regardless, he knew something major had happened to pull them apart. He didn't think James would have let himself walk away if it hadn't.

His fingers twitched with the urge to reach out and touch James. To comfort him...to feel him. He lifted his hand, paused, gave James a moment to pull away or tell him no. When he didn't, Kendall cupped his cheek much like he'd done last night.

James closed his eyes, nuzzled closer, and damned if the simple action didn't make pleasure scatter throughout him, find every nook and cranny to fill.

"It's weird...getting touched by someone this way...by _you_ this way. I feel it in my bones. Like this sweet, relentless sensation I've been denied for so long."

Jesus, he _really_ wanted to kiss James. His lips tingled with the need, but Kendall knew it wasn't the time or place.

When James' eyes opened, he saw a moment of panic there. "I'm not trying to get heavy. I know what this is, and frankly, that's all I can handle. We're friends. For whatever reason, we've connected with each other and I'm attracted to you. I know it ends there, and truthfully, I don't know how far it'll even go sexually."

Was that a warning, or was James just being honest? Kendall didn't know, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it either way. It wasn't as if he was looking for anything serious either, but James' need to put it out there did make discomfort slide down his spine. If those were the rules, he guessed he should know about them.

Kendall dropped his hand and nodded. "Gotcha. Sounds like we're on the same page. I appreciate your honesty." He could keep this at just making James feel good. Fuck, he wanted to keep touching him until he lost his fucking mind, and when they were done, they'd be done.

"We should probably go inside."

"You think? I'm not sure…"

James rolled his eyes. "So damn funny."

"Glad you think so."

When they got out of the car, they were both smiling.

* * *

Every so often, James would realize he watched Kendall. Each time he noticed, he'd force his eyes to looks away. Kendall was...fascinating to him. Everything about him, from his childhood relationship with Dak and each and every step of his life after that-even prison.

To have lived through what he had and to come out so strong...Kendall was incredible. He'd done more, seen more than James could ever imagine. It was like he always had his finger on the pulse of life, taking whatever was thrown at him and thriving.

And Christ, the sensation of Kendall's hands on him, his lips, the gentle brush of his fingers. It made James feel alive in ways he hadn't known he was missing.

"Sorry dinner's taking so long, boys. I haven't done this for more than me and Dak for what feels like a lifetime." Dak's mom, Annie, said from the kitchen. Her voice was light, happy, and proud.

"Do you need any help?" James asked, not for the first time. They all had.

"No, no. It's fine." She smiled at him. It was an honest smile, and James knew how much that meant to Dak.

James glanced back and saw that Jett and Kendall were still playing cards in the living room. He watched them for a moment-ribbing each other and playfully talking shit. They were both competitive, which made for one hell of a show.

Dak approached him, then leaned against the sliding glass door where James stood. "Mom loves it. She wants to do this for us." He said softly. "It's amazing...seeing her here, seeing how far she's come."

"Yeah." James replied. "I'm sure it is. I'm really happy for you guys."

"Thanks, man. It's not perfect. We still have bad days, but hell, that's life, right?"

It sure as hell was. James thought about Stephanie...their happiness and their heartbreak. His eyes darted to Kendall next.

"It's strange...Kendall being back in my life." Dak kept his words quiet so no one other than James could hear. They both turned to Kendall and Jett then, watching them in the next room.

"I'm sure it is. He was important to you, then he was gone, and now you're completely different people than you were before."

"Isn't that the fucking truth? Hell, he's sitting in my living room with my boyfriend who I used to hate because he tormented me. Life's funny."

And Kendall had kissed him last night, got him off, let James watch as he came himself...and James had loved every second of it. "Life is definitely that. You're glad to have him back, though, right? I know you seemed to be."

"Yeah, of course. I think the first day back was a shock. It hadn't fully sunk in yet, so it was like no time had passed. But it has, and now I'm feeling my way around it. At first, I was worried about how Jett would feel because he knows how important Kendall was to me. Hell, I almost used Kendall as the reason to walk away from Jett at one point when we first started dating. They talked, and Jett likes him, obviously. I don't know what my problem is. Why I haven't reached out to him more since he came home."

Kendall dropped his head back and let out a loud laugh. James watched his throat move, remembered the feel of his lips, and remembered the sad creases around his eyes when they were in the car. "I think he feels a little unsure on where you stand. The talk with Jett helped, but...he misses you. I think he isn't sure you guys are okay."

"We are." Dak replied and then, "The two of you are close."

 _Yes...yes, we are._ James still couldn't make sense of how that had happened, but it had. "He's a good guy. You're the one who told me that."

"I did and he is."

They both looked over then, watching as Jett and Kendall laughed over their game. Kendall looked up and caught James' eye. He grinned that happy half smile he always had, and damned if James didn't feel it as if it had been a caress.

"I'm kicking Jett's ass." Kendall told them and chuckled.

Jett turned to James and Dak. "Get over here and deal with your friend, babe. I don't think I like him anymore."

"No one is dealing with anyone because dinner's done. Who's going to carve the turkey?" Annie asked.

"I'll do it." Jett offered. "I'm a master turkey carver."

"I hope you're better at that than you are at cards." Kendall teased.

There was laughter and chatter as the two men stood up, Jett walking over and kissing Dak before making his way into the kitchen. Kendall winked at James, which made him realize he'd been staring at Kendall again.

 _Damn it._

The turkey was carved, the table was set, and then the five of them sat down to eat. They joked, praised Annie's meal, and hell, just enjoyed themselves. It was one of the happiest Thanksgivings James had ever known.

* * *

Kendall's cheeks hurt from laughing so much. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun.

Dak had walked Annie back to her house a little over an hour ago. She'd spent a couple of hours with them after dinner but had been ready to be in her own space again.

The four of them sat around the table, eating pie and talking cars, and whatever else. It was nice to see Dak so happy, to see him with Jett, whom he was cleary head over heels for. No one deserved it more than Dak, and what made it even better was the fact that Jett was a good man. He deserved Dak, too.

Kendall glanced at James, who sat beside him. He was deep in a conversation with Dak about older engines compared to newer ones and the differences in working on them.

They'd kept a comfortable distance between them all day. The guy had to have a lot on his mind, and the last thing Kendall wanted was to add to that, especially around friends.

He wanted to touch him, though, to see him shudder and close his eyes and savor.

Kendall turned back to Jett. "I'm interested in seeing some of this artwork I've heard so much about."

"Come out to the studio with me. I'm working on a painting of ancient Spartan lovers. It's hot as fuck."

"Sounds like it."

Kendall stood. Jett did the same, then leaned over and kissed Dak's forehead. "I'm going to go show off. He beat me at cards, so I have to show him something I'm good at." Jett told Dak, and the smile he received in return was filled with so much love, it nearly knocked Kendall on his ass.

"Have fun." Dak said in response, then looked at Kendall. "He's incredible. You'll love it."

"Well, I mean, it's not winning a few hands of cards, but I'm sure he's all right."

They laughed again. Kendall thought about telling James he'd be right back as well, but it felt silly. The man knew. He'd heard them discuss it.

Kendall followed Jett through the sliding door, across the deck, and to another building. A bright floodlight came on as they did so, lighting the dark night. "Dak did this, you know? Designed it, helped build it. We had the studio done after I moved in. There wasn't much space in the house." Jett pointed to a second building. "He works in there. We didn't get much done when we tried to share the same space."

"Yeah, I bet you didn't. Too much play and no work."

"There's no such thing as too much play." Jett wagged his eyebrows.

"You have a point there."

Jett unlocked the building, hit the lights, and they went inside. It was warm, obviously kept heated. There were easels, canvases, paint brushes, and paint scattered about. The walls were decorated with a few paintings and a collage of black-and-white photographs. Kendall walked over to see that it was pictures of Dak and Jett-outside, inside, laughing, smiling, living, loving.

Kendall's chest got tight. Did he want that? Someone to share his life with the way Dak and Jett did?

"I'm a little crazy about him." Jett said with playfulness in his voice.

"I can see that. One look at him shows he feels the same about you."

"He better." Jett winked and then nodded toward a painting. The two of them walked over. "This is the new one. I don't know why I have such a thing for Spartans, but I'm particularly fond of this one."

Kendall could see why. It was two men in an embrace, both dressed in traditional warrior clothing for the time, one man with his hands on the other's face. "It's gorgeous."

"Thanks."

Jett walked him around the room, showing him a few of the paintings he'd completed and some more photographs, too. They hadn't been in the studio long when Kendall heard the door open and looked up to see Dak walk in, hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans.

"How are you guys doing out here?" He asked.

"I'm fully redeemed from my losses earlier. I think he's impressed." Jett walked towards Dak. "Why don't you finish showing him around? I'm going to go inside and pretend I have a logical reason, which absolutely isn't to give the two of you privacy."

Dak rolled his eyes, but Kendall could see how much he enjoyed Jett. "Smooth. Remind me to kick your ass later."

"Kiss it? Always." Jett turned and grinned at Kendall. "See you in a bit."

Jett closed the door behind him as Dak headed Kendall's way. "He's ridiculous."

"He's great, Dak. It's good to see you so happy."

Dak sighed and leaned against the wall. "It's good to be so happy. I didn't think I ever would be." He paused before glancing Kendall's way. "I was in shock when you came back. I was happy-I still am-but I don't think I realized how strange it would be for me."

"That makes sense." Kendall nodded.

"I felt the same way when Jett came back, only for different reasons."

"Are you sure they're so different?" Kendall asked. "I think part of you was still mad at me, and you had a right to be. I should have contacted you. I owed you that, and again, I'm so sorry." He regretted it, always had and always would.

No, it hadn't been his choice to leave, but the years afterward had all been him. He'd left Dak not knowing if he was okay or what happened. For someone like Dak who had already felt so closed off from the world, he couldn't imagine how that had felt.

He took a few deep breaths and knew he had to give Dak the whole truth. He thought he also might want to. He trusted Dak and knew they would be okay. "There's more than what I told you before."

"I wondered."

So Kendall told him about the anger, confusion, drinking, the party, the assault...prison.

"Wow...I...wow…" He rubbed his right hand up and down his left arm. "I'm sorry, man. That's a lot. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm shocked as hell. I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

"It was my fault. I did it."

"You did, but still...I know you. I know who you are, and that isn't it. I'm sorry you got to that point."

The fear that clung to his bones just...went was why he'd come back-for people like Dak, and now James and Jett. "Thank you. You don't know how much I needed to hear that."

"I know you, Kendall." Dak said again. "It might have been years since I've seen you, but I know you and I trust you. Now can I admit something?"

Breathing easy, Kendall nodded. "Of course."

"I think my issue was that I was afraid you'd up and leave again. Which I know is my problem. I did the same thing to Jett, but…" He paused and shrugged. "Outside of my mom, the two of you were the only people who had the ability to hurt me. We might have been kids, but I wouldn't have made it back then without you, and I never lost the part of me that loved you. Before Jett, I think there was a part of me that always hoped you'd come back...for me."

Not _in love_ , not anymore. Kendall knew that. Dak was completely gone for Jett. There wasn't a question in his mind about that, but they had loved each other. Kendall had tried to support Dak and be there for him when he hadn't trusted a single person in the world. Kendall had been all he had. That didn't just go away.

"I love you, too, sweetie." They chuckled at the nickname Annie often used for him as a child.

"She still uses that to this day. It's ridiculous."

"She's proud as hell to be your mom. And I think a part of me always thought I'd come back for you, too." Maybe that was subconsciously part of why he returned. Now, looking at him, as much as he cared for Dak, it was different. Even if he'd felt the way they spoke about, that wasn't where his head and heart were.

Friendship, yes, but it ended there.

"Jett's the one that mentioned it to me. Maybe I knew and didn't want to admit it, but he was right. He makes me admit things I don't want to see. And Christ, not many men could say that to their partner with no jealousy, no anger. He doesn't work that way, though. Not really. He may playfully stake his claim."

"That's because he knows he has nothing to fear. He knows you love him. It's a beautiful thing, what you guys have." As he replayed his own words in his head, he thought he really did want that-someone to love that way.

"Yeah, yeah, it is. I'm lucky."

"You both are."

"James helped nudge me in the right direction tonight. I'm not sure if he realized it or not, but I needed to hear what he said. I think he needed to say it, too. He wanted to be there for you. The two of you have gotten close."

Kendall reached out, fingering the corner of the canvas in front of him. "We have." He wondered what James had said to Dak and when he'd said it. Was it when they stood in front of the door and he'd seen them talking?

"You look at him the way you used to look at me." Dak said after a few moments.

"I'm not in love with him. I don't know him well enough for that." Hell, he hadn't ever loved anyone except Dak anyway.

"No, but you care about him. And you want to help him, support him, make him feel like he's something. You always did that for me. I could see it when we were kids; that's why sometimes it was hard on me. I knew it wasn't pity, but sometimes it felt like it. You're a caretaker, Kendall, just like me-only in a subtler way."

Maybe he was right. He's always known that was who Dak was. He would go to the end of the world for someone he loved. He'd fought for and taken care of his mom for as long as Kendall had known him...and maybe in his own very wrong way, that had been what Kendall had done wit his own parents.

He'd brushed aside who he was in their presence because he'd wanted to make things easier for them, even if it made things harder for himself. "I think you might be right."

"I know I am."

"Cocky son of a bitch." Kendall teased.

"Anyway, I won't harass you about James. Apparently, he's straight. I always thought so. Jett didn't, but he confirmed it recently, so just...be careful. I don't want to see either of you get hurt."

A flash of what felt like betrayal sliced through Kendall's chest, though he wasn't sure he had the right to feel it. When had James confirmed that with Dak? Before or after they'd discovered he was demisexual? "I'm fine. It's nothing. He's a friend, a roommate, and hot as hell. You can't blame me for wanting him, but that's where it ends." He lied.

Dak nodded and dug his hands deeper into his pockets. "You've been back for weeks, but this moment right now is when I feel like I truly have my best friend back. I missed you, Kendall, and I'm so damn glad you're home."

Kendall walked forward and embraced Dak, who pulled his hands free and did the same. They'd hugged and spoken the first day Kendall came back, but this was different and he knew it. They'd truly put the years Kendall hadn't contacted him behind them, and it felt so damn good to have his friend back. "I'm glad I'm home, too."

It was incredible that the bond they'd built was still so strong, that even though they'd been young and a lifetime of change had come between them, what they'd had then had been real. And the friendship they had now would be the same.

His thoughts then found their way to the man inside the house with Jett. The one he'd touched and kissed just last night. It had only been weeks since they met, but the connection between them felt pretty fucking real, too.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like Kames are okay! Kendall also reconciled with Dak, with Dak getting a little nudge in the right direction from James.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will be up within the next few days, so you won't have too long of a wait for that.**

 **Until then! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It's been a little while. :P I'm finally feeling better. I'm not quite at 100% just yet, but I'm feeling much better, so I should be able to update regularly again.**

 **Before we get into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, Guest, winterschild11, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Thank you." Kendall said into the dark car.

They were almost home. James drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel. He'd done it on the way to Dak and Jett's house, too. Was it a frequent habit, or was it just because Kendall made him nervous? He wanted to know these things about James, wanted to discover what made him tick, what bad habits he had, and any and everything else he could think of.

"What are you thanking me for?"

"Dak. Whatever you said to him today made him open up again."

James glanced his way before putting his eyes on the road again. It was a dark drive from Dak's to Kendall's. They didn't have streetlights on these winding roads.

"You don't have to thank me for that. It went well, I take it?"

"Yep, it did. I told him about prison, too. And I want to...thank you. And it's done now, so there."

"You're crazy." James shook his head, and Kendall knew he was smiling.

They let the conversation go from there. It only took a few more minutes before James pulled into the driveway of the house. The floodlights came on, and his gray home with the porch his mom would have loved came into view. "It was a good day."

"Yeah...yeah, it was. One of the best holidays I've ever had. Stephanie loved this time of year."

Kendall wanted to ask James about her, wanted to know what had caused them to separate, especially considering James still spoke so fondly of her. It was personal for James, though. It didn't take a genius to see that, and he wasn't sure if now was the time or, frankly, if it was any of his business. James would share it with him if he wanted to.

"Anyway." James said before Kendall could think of the best way to reply. "It's freezing balls out here. Race you to the house."

James jumped out of the car, and Kendall cursed. He darted out himself, slamming the door behind him, but of course, James made it to the house before he did. "You fucking cheater. That doesn't count." He teased before playfully tugging James' beanie off his head and slipping it onto his own. "I hope your head is cold now."

"My head is just fine, thank you very much."

They chuckled as Kendall unlocked the house and they went inside. He'd kept the heater on, so it wasn't too chilly. They both took their jackets off and tossed them to the table. "I think I'll keep this." Kendall said as he pulled the beanie over his ears a little better.

"I guess it's a good thing I have another one. I think it looks better on you anyway." The second James' sentence came out, Kendall could tell he wished he could snatch it back. His eyes fluttered bashfully as he lifted his arm and scratched the back of his neck. "Shower...I need one...so...I'm going to head up."

Well, that was that, then. Kendall wasn't going to push, wasn't going to pry. James had to be comfortable with who he was and what he did. He was obviously nervous about it, which made sense, and Kendall valued this new friendship way too much to risk it. "Okay. It's been a long day."

"It has been."

"I'm going up, too."

So that was what they did. Kendall hit the lights, and they went upstairs, separating in the hallway.

"Goodnight." James said with his back to Kendall and his hand on the doorknob.

"Night, Sweet Tooth. I'll see you in the morning."

Once he was tucked away in his room, Kendall knew there wasn't a chance in hell he would go to sleep. It was only eight, so he took a shower himself, pulled on a pair of boxer briefs, and then climbed into bed with his laptop.

He figured he would check out some jobs in Portland and maybe message a few friends. Instead, James teased the edges of his thoughts. This morning he said they were okay, and Kendall thought they were, but he wasn't sure if that would be the case if they kept going. It wasn't easy to discover a part of yourself that you didn't even know existed. He couldn't imagine where James' head was at.

It was 9:16 when he heard the soft knock. Ridiculously, his stomach did an excited flip. It wasn't the kind of reaction he often had to a guy-eagerness and insecurity all in one. "Come in." Kendall called out.

The door slid open inch by inch. James stood in the doorway, his hair wet, wearing sweats and a t-shirt. He'd always loved sweats on a man.

"You busy?" James asked.

"Nope. What's up? Come for the cookies, Sweet Tooth?" He nodded toward the plate that still sat on his bedside table. Hopefully they weren't stale.

James sighed. The muscles in his right arm tightened, telling Kendall he was squeezing the doorknob. "No...I came because I didn't want to take a shower."

Okay...he might have to explain that one a bit. "Huh?" Kendall asked.

"Earlier...when we were downstairs and I said I was going up to shower. I didn't want to go, but I used it as an excuse because...fuck, because this all so new to me that I'm not sure how to handle it. I went because it was easier, but the longer I sat there, the less easy mattered and the more talking to you did."

Kendall sucked in a sharp breath. Jesus, that had been fucking brave to say. No one talked to him like that, said things like that to him. Most people weren't fearless enough. "I didn't want you to go either." Kendall admitted.

"I'm glad. That could have been embarrassing." James tried to tease before he sobered. "Can...can I come in?" His voice was as calming and sexy as ever, yet it quivered slightly, a vulnerability that endeared James to him even more.

"Yeah...of course you can. I wanted you in here from the start but didn't want to push."

James walked over, stood beside the bed, looking down at Kendall before he gave him a small grin. "You can push a little. I'll tell you if it's too much. I might push sometimes, too." He sat down then, at the side of the bed. James didn't look at him when he asked, "Can I try something?"

"Only if I get to see your eyes when you do. You try anything, I want to be sure you know who you're trying it with."

They met then, his hazel eyes, with the dark, sooty lashes, landing on Kendall and ensnaring him. James lifted a hand, cupped Kendall's cheek the way Kendall had done to him, then slowly, so fucking slowly Kendall thought he would die in anticipation, James leaned in…

* * *

James felt the spark of desire when his lips pressed softly against Kendall's. The kiss was filled with quiet, hungry want-longing, and so much fucking pleasure, it made his head spin. This made him _feel_.

It was so different from the times he'd kissed anyone other than Stephanie. Each swipe of his tongue was about sensation and yearning instead of obligation and trying to experience something he just didn't experience.

His elbow hit the laptop on Kendall's thighs. Kendall moved it, and James leaned closer, pushing Kendall back against the headboard. He tasted like toothpaste, and James wondered if Kendall could taste the mint he'd used in his mouth, too.

He slid his hand down slightly, reveling in the feel of scruff against his palm before brushing his thumb back and forth. He smiled against Kendall's mouth, thinking about the fact that he was kissing someone with scruff. That his dick was throbbing...who it was for didn't matter-just the way it felt.

Kendall pulled away just enough to mumble against his lips. "What are you smiling at? Am I that good of a kisser?"

Their foreheads touched. James licked Kendall's bottom lip, sucked it, pressed more soft kisses to his mouth. "You _are_ a good kisser, but that's not why I'm smiling. I'm smiling at what it does to me, the sensation I get. Smiling at your facial hair and it pressing into my hand and the fact that I want to keep going." James kissed him again and again. Let himself enjoy Kendall.

"I'm smiling because you taste like mint, and I probably do too, and that it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, just the warmth you make spread across my skin."

"Jesus, I think I just swooned." Kendall replied. He cupped James' face, both hands against his cheeks. Kendall eased back and asked, "Does it really not matter, though? You need to be sure of that. I know this is new and you're feeling your way around, but does the fact that I'm a man do something to you up here?" He tapped James' temple before continuing.

"You told Dak you're straight. I get that you've always identified that way. No one has the right to tell anyone else how to or if they should label themselves, but before we go any further, I need to make sure we're on the same page."

James leaned back and cocked his head slightly. He hadn't expected that and honestly didn't know what to say.

"I'm not asking for declarations. I'm in no place to give them myself, but I need to know what this is. If you want me to be your experiment, I can do that. You want me to show you what it's like to be with a man, but you're not sure it's something you'd want for more than getting off and liking how it feels, tell me and that's what I'll be. Enjoying someone's body is different from being okay with it in your head."

James jerked back, a twinge of anger setting off in his chest. He wasn't sure if he was more annoyed and upset with himself or with Kendall. "That's not me. I'm not made up that way. I can't promise you where this will go or if it'll even go anywhere, but I'm not using you. Christ, Kendall. I can't believe you'd ask that."

He tried to get up, but Kendall wrapped a hand around his wrist and prevented it. "I'm not trying to insult you. I'm trying to protect myself." James tensed up, but Kendall continued. "Don't freak out. Don't read more into what I said than what's there. I'm not spending my nights writing our names together...but I do like you. I like spending time with you and laughing with you, so just call this me being proactive. I might be a little crushed if we weren't friends after this."

"We'll be friends." James said, heart in his throat. He'd never met someone like Kendall before. Someone who would put what he'd just said out there like he did. Someone who had experienced all the things he had and not let it jade him. "I like spending time with you, too. It's...unexpected. I wouldn't be in this bed right now if I didn't feel some kind of...something. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm not writing anything off from the start. I figured we'd just...see what happens."

Kendall grinned, and James wanted to taste his smile.

"We can do that."

"When I told Dak I was straight, that was before anything happened between us. I don't know exactly what I'd tell him now. It's so damn fresh."

"I get that." Kendall replied.

"Yeah...yeah, I know you do. Somehow, you just get me." It was like they were always on the same wavelength. Like their brains and hearts leaned toward the same paths, only with small variations.

Same car, different color. Insomnia, sweet vs. salty. Those things were silly, such small details, but life was made of small details. It was those little things that created something bigger.

Kendall made the loneliness in James' chest loosen its grip. That quiet isolation had always been there, inside him, even when he was with Stephanie, which was a strange and surprising revelation. Maybe it was because he hadn't understood himself before and he did now. James wasn't sure.

The only thing he did know was he wanted to savor this for as long as he could. Life had a way of pulling the rug out from under you; loss had a way of slipping in at your happiest and snatching your peace. It had happened with Stephanie.

He closed his eyes and saw her round stomach and big smile in his mind.

"You're trembling." Kendall whispered.

James' lids slid open. "I'm fine."

"Fine as fuck."

He chuckled.

Kendall eased his grip on James' wrist and danced his fingers softly over his pulse, slowly, so fucking slowly up his arm. James watched him, took it in, the strong hand touching him with a gentle caress.

Goosebumps trailed behind Kendall's fingers as they whispered up his arm...touching...feeling...playing.

It shouldn't be enough to make his head spin, but somehow it was.

"Do you wanna fool around again?" Kendall asked.

There was only one possible answer James could give. "Yes."

"Let's get this off you." Kendall eased his hands under James' shirt, slowly dragging it up his body. His fingers were so warm against James' skin. More goosebumps found their way across his flesh, following Kendall's every move.

James lifted his arms, let Kendall take his shirt off for him, and tried to ignore the hungry ache inside him.

"Stand up. Let me get your sweats next."

His heart did a lurch and then dropped. Christ, this felt good, but he didn't know if he was ready for fucking, if that was what Kendall wanted.

"I don't know if I'm ready for sex yet." Would that even be what Kendall wanted? Or would he expect to fuck James?

"I know. I'm not going there, but I have to admit, I like the yet." Kendall said as he brushed his thumbs over James nipples. "I just want to play with you...touch you...drive you fucking crazy until you can't take it anymore, but if you want to keep your sweats on, we can."

Well, when he said it like that…

"That's one hell of a sales pitch." James teased and then stood. Kendall turned to sit on the edge of the bed with one leg on either side of James. He leaned in, pressed his warm lips to James' abs, kissing them as he tugged on James' sweats, pulling them down but keeping James' boxers on. When the material was at his feet, he stepped out of the cotton sweatpants.

"Lie down, Sweet Tooth."

He felt those words slide down his spine. Christ, how did Kendall make him lose control like this?

Kendall put the laptop on the floor as James got onto the bed, in the middle of it, not sure what to do. "I…"

"Shh." Kendall straddled his waist, put weight on James' throbbing erection, making him hiss. "Just let me play awhile."

His mouth pressed down on James'-hungry. He opened up, let Kendall feel him his tongue. His hand knotted in James' hair as he lay on top of him, making out. James wrapped his arms around him, savoring the feel of Kendall's skin and quietly thanking God he was only in his boxer briefs so he could enjoy his skin.

He squeezed Kendall's thigh as they kissed, felt the muscles and dusting of hair...so different...so fucking good.

James dropped his head back when Kendall's lips trailed down his neck. He licked his collarbone, his Adam's apple, sucked the spot where his neck and shoulder met.

His heart raced; his breathing picked up. "Christ, why does this feel so good?" It was only touching, only kissing, but James was mesmerized, overwhelmed by sensation.

"Because I'm good."

"You're conceited."

"Shh. I'm concentrating."

James chuckled. Kendall was good as making him do that. However, he frowned when he felt Kendall's lips trailing down his arm. "Um…" James muttered as he wiggled, biting his cheeks so he didn't laugh.

"Don't like it? Sometimes it can be a little rawer with a man."

He realized that...and it made his skin tingle. "I'm not saying I don't like it, but I'm a little ticklish."

Kendall looked up at him and wagged his eyebrows. "Good to know."

"I'll kick your ass if you try it."

Kendall didn't reply, though; instead, he leaned down and sucked one of James' nipples sharply into his mouth. His body jerked in response. "Fuck."

"You definitely like that." Kendall replied. He rasped his tongue over the nipple, sucked it again, before he moved to the other one.

He slid down James' body, nestling between his legs but giving James his weight, too. He was heavy and solid and made James' dick throb even more.

Kendall just kept kissing his chest, sucking it and his nipples, licking him. "Oh, we can play the game where I write something on you, and you have to figure out what it is. I'll use my tongue instead of my finger."

"Later." James gasped needily. He liked the idea. It was fun, which was so Kendall. Who else would have even suggested such a thing? But right now, he needed more.

"Yes, sir. I'll just keep licking you, then? You know how I like salty things."

James' cock jerked in response. "You're killing me. I've never…" No one had ever driven him so out of his mind before, and he wasn't even doing much of anything. And James wasn't doing anything at all.

Guilt splintered through him. What was this doing for Kendall? "How should I touch you? I should be doing something to you."

"You are, Sweet Tooth. This does a lot for me. Just lie there and let me play with you."

So he did. Kendall brushed thumbs over James' nipples, ran his tongue over his abs, kissed his stomach. "Someone does his crunches every day." Kendall said against his flesh. "I think I'll taste your come gutters now."

"My...my what?" James frowned, looking down at the top of Kendall's head as he eased down his body.

"These...right here." He fingered the V that narrowed down from his waist to his boxers.

"Seriously? Come gutters?"

"Do you have a better name?"

Again, another laugh. He was turned on and laughing. He hadn't experienced much of that. "No, I guess not."

There was more kissing, more licking. He tastes James' 'gutters' like he said he would. His whole body was oversensitive, like he was a livewire, thrashing around, and would catch fire at any moment.

It was the most delicious torture James had ever known, but he didn't know how-how something so simple could make him feel so much.

Kendall went lower and lower, licked along the edge of James' boxers...lower still until his face was between James' legs. He felt Kendall's warm breath on his length, and when he leaned in, nuzzling his face against James' erection, a jolt of electricity ripped through him, making him thrash.

"Is this okay?" Kendall asked as he mouthed James' erection through the material of his boxers.

"This is...fuck...this is more than okay."

"Oh, wait. I forgot your legs. I'll be right back up here to play. I want to touch you everywhere." He grinned mischievously at James, telling him he did that on purpose.

"I don't even have it in me to give you shit. You feel too good."

"I'm glad." Kendall replied. He kissed James' thighs-one, then the other, before moving down the bed and doing the same to his knees. Those parts of his body shouldn't have been so erogenous, but each rasp of his tongue, each brush of his fingers, he ever stopped caressing James. Each kiss of his lips, made James even hungrier, his thoughts scattered, his body made up everything Kendall did to him.

Kendall sat on his knees, lifted James' left leg, and kissed it before massaging his foot and doing the same to his right leg before working his way up again until his mouth was over James' groin again.

"Please…" James undulated his hips.

"Since you asked so nicely." Kendall went down on him again, sucking him and licking him through his boxers.

His breath was hot, his mouth wet, and as good as it felt, as James went harder, he begged, "Please...suck me." Christ, did he have the right to ask that? He wasn't doing anything for Kendall in return. "Or I can jerk off...I'll try to jerk you off...I just...Fuck, I'm losing my mind."

"Don't feel like you're not doing anything for me. My dick is throbbing right now. I like giving head. I'll fucking love giving it to you."

James watched him as he positioned himself so he could take James' boxers off. His dick sprung free, and he watched Kendall as his eyes burned hot on James' cock.

Kendall threw the clothes to the side before running his finger up James' erection, making him tremble. James fisted his hands, and, that easily, fought back his own orgasm.

"You're on the edge, aren't you?" Kendall asked.

"Fuck yes." James groaned out. "I need your mouth. Please, give me your mouth."

He cried out when Kendall lowered himself down again, sucking James all the way down. "Holy fuck, you're good at this."

Kendall pulled off. "Lots of practice. We keep doing this, and I'll eat your ass all night, too. Let my tongue tease your tight hole. It feels fucking great. I think you'll love it."

James' body jerked. His brain wasn't totally sold on the idea, but his dick jerked.

He didn't have much time to think about it before Kendall went down on him again, sucking him with skill. James fisted his hand in Kendall's hair, thrusted, then stopped.

"You can do it." Kendall muttered. "You don't have to go easy on me."

It was as if Kendall had just unleashed the predator inside James he'd never even known was there. He grabbed his hair a little tighter, thrusting between Kendall's lips. Kendall's mouth was fucking everything. James was ravenous for him, for every sensation Kendall made him feel.

His orgasm already made his body sing. It was right there, and James wanted it, fucking craved it, but also wanted this to last, too. He never wanted to be far away from Kendall's mouth again.

"I'm gonna come. Fuck, I'm gonna come." He let go of Kendall's hair, but he didn't pull back; he sucked deeper, harder, until the flood gates opened. His orgasm slammed into him, a riot of pleasure. He shot, once, twice, three times, and Kendall took it all like he was starving for him.

The thought made James shoot again.

His body melted, his muscles jelly as he relaxed against the bed, breathing heavily.

"You are so fucking sexy when you come. I can't wait to make you do it again." Kendall worked his way back up James' body-kissing, licking, touching-until they were face-to-face again.

"I…"

"Shh." Kendall touched his lips with a finger. James couldn't, though; he sucked Kendall's finger into his mouth.

He wanted to pleasure Kendall too, but wasn't sure how, or what he could do.

There was a quiet part of him that wanted...fuck, he wanted to watch again. He'd never gotten off on that. Porn had never done anything for him. He'd never watched someone before, but seeing Kendall jerk off the night before had gotten inside his head.

"Can you…" He rubbed a hand over his face. "I don't like feeling insecure."

"Then don't. There's nothing you can want that would turn me off or make me think less of you."

James nodded. He believed Kendall. "I want to watch you make yourself come again, but it's embarrassing to admit. It also makes me feel like an asshole. The way you make me feel...the things you do to me...I should be doing that to you."

Kendall pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "You are. This was fucking hot, and it's kinky that you like watching me." He kissed James' jaw. "I'll tell you a secret...I topped a lot when I was on camera. It felt like a good way for me to keep things separate...real life compared to the fantasy because personally, I love bottoming as well."

James raised his hand and brushed his fingers through Kendall's hair. He liked the feel of the soft strands. "You like to be fucked?" He asked.

"I do. Don't get me wrong, I love topping as well, but feeling full...there's nothing like it. I'll show you if you want. It'll get me off more with you watching."

James' heart slammed against his chest. Amazingly, his dick started to stir already. The thought of seeing Kendall do that… "I want." Kendall made him _want_ in ways he'd never known.

James cupped Kendall's face, pulled him down, and took his mouth again, not caring that he tasted himself. His need for Kendall was stronger.

* * *

 **Done! So, it seems that Kames is progressing nicely. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will pick up where this one left off, and should hopefully be up within the next few days.**

 **Until then! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another new chapter! :)**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Guest, winterschild11, Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, and XxxAnimaniacxxX for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

This was definitely not where he'd expected the night to go, which meant it was the best sort of surprise.

Kendall liked good revelations, and he also enjoyed James' eyes on him. It was different than other people watching him. It hadn't bothered him being on camera, but it hadn't done much for him.

The thought of showing James, of turning him on that way and feeling hot desire from his hazel gaze, made his heart thump wildly. He wanted James so see how incredible it could be. He wanted to be the one to show him everything.

Kendall leaned over the side of the bed, opened the drawer to his nightstand, and pulled out his lube and the box he kept his dildo in. After opening it and pulling out the toy, he rolled over on his back again.

When James' eyes went wide, big hazel eyes on his innocent-looking face, he stumbled for a moment. Would this be the thing that freaked James out? Made him question if he could do this with a man? As much as that would wreck him, it was the reality of both their situations. Kendall was a man, and James needed to be okay with that if they kept fucking around.

"Don't look so scared. The big, bad dildo won't get you. It does rub the prostate just right, though."

"I'm not. Does it look like I'm scared? I'll admit, it's different for me, but I'm not afraid. Everything you do gets me hot all over. I didn't think it was possible to feel again. I just… You're about to fuck your own ass with a dildo in front of me. This doesn't happen to me every day."

Kendall chuckled, feeling those words in his chest. "Good point. I'll be sure to put on a good show for you." He teased.

Kendall opened the bottle of lube, but James touched his hand, stopping him. "Don't...I mean...I don't want you to feel like you have to perform for me. I don't want you to feel used. If that's what this is, then we should just stop now. This is more for me than just watching some kind of real-life porn."

Blood rushed through Kendall's ears. He wrestled with the urge to sit up, to spend the rest of the night kissing James, whispering in his ear how crazy James made him. His pulse beat to that statement, to the fact that James would stop this now for Kendall because he cared.

When was the last time he truly let someone care about him? That he let himself mean something to someone or let someone mean something to him? Not superficially but on a real, bone-deep level?

"Why are you looking at me like that?" James asked. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No." Kendall shook his head. "You said something right. This isn't a performance for me either."

There was some kind of magnetic energy between them that had been there from the start. The way James looked at him, it had always felt like a touch. It was a strange thing, this connection...the way James' eyes on him made him feel like James saw something there no one else did.

James' lids fluttered; those thick, long, dark lashes that framed his expressive eyes touched his cheeks. He was thinking something; Kendall could tell, but he didn't ask what it was. He wasn't sure they could go there yet.

"We've talked so much, you've gone soft." James said as he eyed his groin.

"I'll get hard again. You keep looking at me like you want to eat me alive, and we'll have no problems." He squirted lube onto his fingers. "You can get closer if you want."

James' cheeks were a soft pink, but he didn't hold himself back. He turned, lying close on his side, with his head by Kendall's legs.

Kendall spread them, feet on the bed, before he set the bottle aside and started with his finger against his rim. He rubbed it, tapped it, stared at James, and then pushed his finger inside.

"Oh fuck. I can't believe I'm watching this." There was a soft, hungry awe to James' voice that went straight to Kendall's dick. Just like he knew would happen, blood rushed there and his cock swelled.

"You're welcome." Kendall teased, earning a grin. He pushed another finger in, fucking himself on two of them, twisting.

James leaned in closer, which seemed really fucking brave to Kendall. "That feels good?" He asked.

"Fuck, yes, it does. There are a lot of nerve endings there, and your prostate is like all your favorite things wrapped in one. It'll make you shoot like crazy."

His dick was already achy. The powerful burn of James' stare coaxed a moan from his lips.

A torrent of need twisted and tangled inside him, making Kendall need more already. He pulled his fingers out, reaching for the lube again. He squirted some on the dildo just as a gentle brushstroke danced across his rim. "Fuck." His eyes rolled back at the shockwave of pleasure coursing through him.

"Sorry. I wanted to touch it."

"That's the last thing you have to be sorry for."

James did it again, soft scrapes of his calloused finger touching, exploring the outside of Kendall's hole. "Jesus." His dick flexed against his stomach. "You'd think I'd never been touched before. Do you want to finger me?" He asked.

James shook his head. "Not yet. I want to watch you. I think I like this voyeur thing. Is that okay?"

He didn't know why the question made him smile. Why James' lust-filled, heavy-lidded eyes with those dark lashes made his chest feel tight. Why he thought he might be the luckiest man in the world to have James ask him that. "Yeah, Sweet Tooth. It's okay. We'll get there."

James' hand ducked back, and Kendall pushed at his hole with the head of the dildo. He pushed in, opening around it with familiarity.

"Christ," slid past James' lips, his breath fanning against Kendall's leg.

Kendall fucked himself on it, pushed the toy in and pulled it out again. "I love being full, the stretch, the brush against my prostate. There's nothing like having something inside you."

James didn't reply, just leaned closer, reached up, and held Kendall's erection as he kept going, kept pleasuring himself for this man that made him come undone.

He rolled his hips, savored the feel of James' hand on him. The intense stare of James' eyes penetrating him.

He tingled everywhere James touched. He felt it in his gut, his chest, in every inch of his body.

"Fuck, this feels so good, James." He watched as he added, "You fuck me so good."

James' eyes flashed up at him, filled with fire so strong, it nearly melted Kendall.

"Oh, you like that, do you? I'm imagining it's you, filling me, stretching me, knowing I'm the only man you've ever had. Fuck, you make me crazy."

"You make me crazy, too. I… It feels so good to want you."

"You want me? Wanna own my hole?" He asked.

James went rigid, biting his lip. He let go of Kendall to wrap his hand around his own dick, which had hardened again. "It's so hot inside you. So hot and tight." His eyes darted from Kendall's ass to his face. His husky voice was lust-filled and so fucking sexy when he spoke like that.

Then...then Kendall's whole world exploded in color as James used his other hand to swat Kendall's away. He grabbed the dildo, pulled it almost all the way out, and then pushed again. "Is this okay?"

"This is fucking everything."

Kendall palmed James' thick, hot erection, stroking it.

James pulled the toy nearly all the way out, then pushed it in again, fucking Kendall with the dildo. Kendall's body hummed a second later, screaming with the need to come.

"You get me so hard...Fuck, how do you get me so hard? It's like I'm a whole new person, another James I didn't know existed. Fuck…" James groaned out.

"Shit. I'm gonna come. You're good at this." Kendall wanted to dance with joy as the orgasm slammed into him, ripped through him, making his body float as ribbon after ribbon shot on his chest.

"Me too...oh God, me too." James rasped out, letting out his own release as Kendall stroked him.

When they both came down from their high, they were quiet. Kendall waited, heart in his throat, hoping like hell James didn't regret it. Waited as James stopped, then pulled the dildo out.

"Um...here? I…" James shook his head, paused, then went up on his knees. Their eyes met, held, connected as they always did.

Then...then James leaned down, pressed his lips to Kendall's in a soft kiss. He didn't pull back, but let his forehead rest against Kendall's. "I would never have seen this coming. I don't know what it is or where it'll go, but...I feel you. I feel you inside me. Like this missing piece that clicked into place. Your friendship means the world to me, and this...what we share, no matter what happens, I'll never forget it. I'll never forget the way you make me feel."

He pulled back. Kendall couldn't speak around the boulder in his throat. James was experiencing being with a man for the first time, attraction and sexual desire only for the second time in his life, yet somehow, Kendall felt like he was new to this, too. He'd had sex with more men than he could count, yet this moment was a first.

"You're stressing me out here. Did I say too much?"

"No." Kendall whispered. "I don't think anyone has ever said anything more perfect to me." He put his hand on James' waist, getting come there. Neither of them cared. He pulled James on top of him. "I feel you inside me, too."

He plucked the dildo from James' hand and set it on the table, right by the damn cookies that they had forgotten about. Again…

He flicked off the lamp, and then James pulled the blankets over them. He didn't move, didn't shift or roll over, just lay between Kendall's legs, come drying between them, and put his head on Kendall's chest. "The hair feels good against my cheek."

He had a strong sense of touch, Kendall noticed.

"Your head feels good against my chest." He replied. They were quiet, then drifted off to sleep just the way they were.

* * *

Kendall was pretty sure he and James were in a relationship.

All the relationship-activity type boxes were checked. They lived together, ate their meals togethers, cuddled on the couch and watched TV together, talked together, had even taken a few showers together. They shared Kendall's bed every night, and though they hadn't fucked, they were always jerking each other off, Kendall was blowing James, or James was fucking Kendall with his dildo.

Watching Kendall really got James going...Kendall, too. More than the visual stimulation, James went crazy over physical connection of any kind. He touched Kendall all the time like he needed to feel him-a brush of skin here, a brief shoulder massage there.

He slept in Kendall's arms, and would go crazy when Kendall laid him out on the bed...just touching...kissing...stroking for hours. He was like a sponge, soaking up everything Kendall did, and Kendall never wanted to stop doing it.

Which was a bit of a head-fuck because despite the relationship checklist that James didn't know Kendall had created in his head, they hadn't labeled anything or spoken about where it might be going. Well, other than when Kendall told him he could be James' experiment, which he regretted now.

When they were around Dak, Jett, or hell, even in the damn grocery store, they didn't act the way they did when they were alone.

On the one hand, Kendall was glad to keep it that way. He wanted to protect this thing between them because it was theirs, and fuck, did he want to share something with James that was just between them. The man had turned him upside down. They were kindred spirits. He felt that in his bones, deep down to the marrow. James reached parts of Kendall he hadn't known were there and made him want things he'd never known he wanted.

But he couldn't help but wonder if James kept it a secret because he didn't know if he could continue to do it. Bedding a man was one thing; being openly in a relationship with one was another. Not that he thought James would consciously make that decision, but the mind was good at deciding things without letting you in on it sometimes.

He also knew James was holding back parts of his past, pieces of himself and Stephanie. Was he still in love with her? That question played through Kendall's brain more often than he liked to admit.

So he did what he always tried to do. He told himself they were friends, they were having a good time together, and no matter what happened, they'd hold on to the friendship. It was funny how quickly something could become vital to you, and James had become that.

It was a week before Christmas. Kendall still hadn't made any decisions about what he wanted to do. Nothing felt right, grabbed him, and said, "This is what you've been looking for."

The thought of traveling to Portland every day exhausted him. Still, he couldn't hang around doing nothing forever.

Kendall cleared those thoughts from his head as he pulled into Dak's shop. He was picking his friend up for lunch. Before he had the chance to park, Dak jogged out of the building and climbed into the car. "Sorry about this. I forgot Jett needed my truck today."

"You should be sorry. It was, like, a whole two minutes I could have saved if I didn't have to pick you up."

Dak closed the door behind him as Kendall's eyes flickered toward the open stalls, but he didn't catch a glimpse of James.

"Smartass." Dak replied. "Fuck, it's cold out there. The coffee pot stopped working this morning, so we don't even have that."

Kendall frowned, wondering if James was cold as he worked and then remembering he was a grown-ass man who knew how to take care of himself. Jesus, he was losing it.

"Winters in Oregon, our favorite part of the year. At least we've had a few weeks without any rain."

"You can say that shit again. Poor Jett. He got used to Los Angeles, and now he's dealing with our gray, dreary weather again."

Kendall glanced his way as he drove. "He said he likes it, though."

"He does. He said it's easier to stay indoors and work." Dak laughed. "I just...Lakeview is a far cry from LA."

Ah, Kendall got it now. "He's where he wants to be. He's fucking crazy about you, man. Don't worry."

"I know he is. I just want him to have everything."

That was love, Kendall figured-wanting the best for the other person. Their happiness being the most important thing. "That's how you know it's real. You both feel that way about each other."

"We're lucky. I can't imagine my life without him."

A pang landed in Kendall chest, but he ignored it and pulled into the parking lot of Golden Spoon. "Good thing you don't have to." He smiled.

"Christ. I'm getting sappy. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You and me both." Kendall replied. When Dak frowned as if he didn't know what Kendall meant, he waved his hand as though it was nothing. "Never mind."

Dak cocked his head, opened his mouth as though he had a question, but closed it again. Kendall let out a heavy breath. If he was experiencing this with anyone other than James, he would have talked to Dak about it.

Hell, even if it was James, only he'd been openly gay or bisexual, Kendall would talk to Dak about it, but as things stood now, it wasn't his place. He couldn't share James' private business that way.

They got out of the car and went into the diner. They were busy, but Logan spotted them right away and come over. "Hey. Long time no see." He hugged them both, which Kendall appreciated since he obviously didn't know him as well as he knew Dak.

"I finally got off those nights. It had been brutal."

He hadn't known, and he didn't know if James did either since they hadn't come back. James slept like the dead when he was with Kendall, which made him want to beat on his chest in pride. He slept better with James, too.

"I never see you or James anymore. He'd become a fixture around here most nights."

Dak cocked a brow at him, but Kendall ignored it. "This place wasn't good for our waistlines." He teased.

Logan sat them, and they ordered right away.

When Logan disappeared, Kendall said, "Chocolate-mint shake in this weather? You have a sweet tooth like James?"

"James kinda got me hooked on them. They're good as hell. They remind me of when I was a kid-a good memory from then."

They talked about random things-the shop, Jett, Dak's mom, and the upcoming holiday. Dak said he and Jett were going to LA. Kendall wondered why he hadn't said that when they were talking about the weather. His mom was apparently cooking at her place and having friends over-people from a knitting club and someone new she'd met at therapy.

"It's tough when I'm gone. She's good, Ken. So much better than she used to be, but you know how I am. I worry. She has James' number, by the way. There's a possibility she will call him, and he checks on her for me while I'm away."

He nodded, not sure why Dak felt he had to tell Kendall James might get the call-as though it could be interrupting something.

"I can help, too. Give her my number, please. It feels good to hear you call me 'Ken' again, and I'm so damn proud of you, man. I don't know if I've told you since I've been back, but I am. You've made a life for yourself, a good life. Yet you're true to who you are and that big-ass heart of yours. Not many people can say that."

Dak smiled. "Thanks. I appreciate that. It feels good to call you 'Ken' again, too. What are you and James doing for Christmas? You guys can have dinner with Mom. I know she would love the company. Or hell, you guys can go to LA with me and Jett. That could be fun."

Again, Dak had lumped them together as though they were more than just roommates. They were, of course, but as far as he knew, Dak didn't know that. Had James talked to him about the two of them?

"We haven't made any plans together. I know he has a dad in Northern California, but he hasn't mentioned going to see him. They're not close."

"I didn't know that." Dak replied. "If he had anyone, I mean."

 _Well, shit._ James had never told Dak anything about his life? Just Kendall… Jesus, how did they get there? And nearly from the start.

"I think I'll stay home. I'm excited about the idea of spending a Christmas in Lakeview." He was more excited than he realized. His mom had always loved this time of year. His dad had put lights on the house every year, for her. His dad had loved his mom something fierce. He'd enjoyed doing things to make her happy like that.

Kendall smiled at the memory.

"What are you smiling at?" Dak asked.

"My parents. Remember how my mom went all out decorating for Christmas? My dad would pretend to grumble about it, but he loved it because she did."

Dak nodded. "I do remember. People could see the lights all over town."

His chest felt tight. He missed them. He wished they could see him now, that he could show them this part of who he was in a way they'd skirted around when they were alive. That they could see that despite the trouble he'd gotten into, he was a good man and had a good life.

Kendall cleared his throat. "You should talk to James and see if he wants to go. He might enjoy a holiday in LA." His stomach cramped at the thought. He wanted to spend it with James, he realized. "Speaking of Christmas, I wanted to see if I could borrow your truck tomorrow? We talked about starting a game room. James mentioned liking billiards, so I thought I'd get him a good pool table."

"No problem on the truck. You can get it tomorrow morning. And that's nice of you...getting your _friend_ a gift like that."

Kendall almost asked him what he meant by that, but he wouldn't know how to reply, so he let out a sigh of relief when Logan came back with their burgers and fries.

* * *

 _Hey, son. How are you? Got any plans for Christmas? Stephanie invited me over. You know how good her cooking is._

James smiled at that. Yeah, he did know. Steph had always loved making big meals.

 _Good. I'm glad you'll be with her. I hope you have a good holiday. Tell Steph I said hi. I miss you._

He'd typed the last part quickly as then pressed Send. It was strange that he felt uncomfortable saying things like that to his father. Even his recent texts from his dad were strange, out of place. The only thing he could think of was that Stephanie's pregnancy had an effect on him. It made him remember what they'd all lost. Made him think of Emma.

He closed his eyes, trying to hold the pain back.

James looked up when he heard Kendall's car pull into the parking lot. He'd been disappointed he was with a customer when Kendall picked Dak up...which was silly. He'd just left Kendall's bed that morning. It wasn't as though he could miss him.

He was surprised when Kendall parked and got out of the car with a cup in his hand. He and Dak walked inside together, and James looked down at the paperwork in his hand, trying to ignore how seeing Kendall made the ache he'd been feeling lessen.

"Hey. I heard the coffee pot broke. I thought you might like this, Sweet Tooth." Kendall handed him the to-go cup of coffee, and it instantly warmed his hands through his fingerless gloves.

"Thanks. I needed this." He smiled, felt his pulse speed up, and then looked at Dak. "At least _someone_ thinks about me, stuck here all by myself with nothing warm to drink."

"Aww. Isn't Kendall so sweet?" Dak said playfully.

"I am pretty sweet." Kendall replied. "Anyway, I just wanted to give you that. I have to take a leak real quick, and then I'll be out of the way so you guys can get back to work."

"Can you show him where it is for me?" Dak asked. "I have to call a customer."

The question made James frown. In the years he'd worked here, Dak had never asked him to show someone where the bathroom was. It wasn't difficult to find. "Yeah, sure. In here."

They went in through the side door, then down the only, very short hallway. "You might have gotten lost without me." James teased.

"Maybe."

James lifted his cup to take a drink.

"Wait." Kendall stopped him, looked over James' shoulder, then leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "Wanted to taste you, not the coffee." Then he grinned, walked into the bathroom, and closed the door in James' face. Damned if James couldn't wipe the cheesy grin off his face.

He liked Kendall...maybe liked him a little _too_ much.

He went back to the shop, Kendall coming out a couple minutes later. He told James and Dak goodbye, and that quickly, he was on his way again.

"Did you guys have a nice lunch?" James asked as he leaned against the desk.

"We did. Oh, hey. Has Kendall decorated the house for Christmas?"

James shook his head. "No, why?"

"I'm just surprised. It was a pretty big deal to his parents. He spoke about it at lunch and seemed a little nostalgic, that's all."

James looked down at the coffee in his grease-stained hands, wondering why Kendall hadn't decorated.

"I mentioned to Kendall that we're heading to LA in a few days. I wasn't sure if you guys had holiday plans. You're welcome to come with."

"Is he going?" James asked.

"No. I wanted to make the offer to you too, though."

The answer was automatic. "Nah, I'll stay here. Prices are probably crazy last-minute. Thanks for the offer, though." The ticket price thing was true, but not why he wasn't going. "Speaking of...I wanted to see if I could borrow your truck before you go. Kendall has this room that would be a good-"

"Game room?" Dak cut him off.

"Yeah. Did he tell you about it?"

"Something like that. What are you going to get him?"

James took another drink before he set the coffee down. "I was thinking billiards. Can't start a game room without a billiards table, right?"

Dak smiled in a way that made James' gut clench. Could he tell something was going on? Had Kendall told him? He wasn't sure if he was ready to share that yet. Kendall wouldn't share their private business without James' permission. He knew it.

"When we were kids, Kendall loved air hockey. Oh, they also have that game store in Williams. That's only like twenty minutes away. I heard they have some pinball tables. I think Kendall would like one of those, too."

James nodded. Yeah, he could see that. Dak knew Kendall in ways James didn't, after all. "Yeah...I like that. Thanks."

Dak walked over, squeezed James' shoulder, and gave him another smile.

With the holiday so close, they were slow, so Dak let him cut out at two. James didn't go straight home, though. He had one quick stop he needed to make.

* * *

 **Done! So, it seems that Kames' friendship/relationship is blossoming nicely! It also seems that Dak is playing matchmaker. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! This story seems to be going by so fast! We're already slightly past the halfway point. Not quite sure when the next chapter will be up, but it probably won't be until sometime this weekend.**

 **Until then! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert! :D**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, Side1ways, and XxxAnimanicxxX for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Kendall! Get your ass down here! I need your help with something."

Kendall smiled at James' voice yelling up the stairs.

It was nice, James coming home to him. Sharing a home with someone this way. Hearing a lover call to him after work...Speaking of, it couldn't be after five already.

He glanced at the time on his laptop and saw it was a quarter past three.

"Kendall!" James yelled again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Smiling, Kendall pushed out of the chair at his desk. "You're awfully fucking bossy all of a sudden. Kendall, do this. Kendall, do that. Kendall, will dinner be home when I get off work?" He teased as he made his way down the stairs.

"Whatever, fucker. I don't ask you to make dinner." James had his black beanie on, pulled over his forehead, and his hoodie. His jeans were low on his hips like he always wore them, and he had the slightest bit of dark stubble on his jaw. Kendall's stomach tumbled in the most ridiculous way as James looked up at him with a smile that rivaled the damn sun.

"What has you so happy?" He asked.

"Come on. I'll show you." He hooked his finger in the bottom hem of Kendall's shirt and tugged as he walked toward the door.

"Outside? I have to go outside? It's freezing balls out there. I don't have any warm clothes on."

James stopped, rolled his eyes, pulled his beanie off, and slipped it on Kendall's head. "There. That'll help for now."

He opened the door, stepped out, and Kendall looked down to see numerous boxes of Christmas lights, glowing reindeer, snowmen, and a sign that said North Pole.

"I got a tree, too. It's strapped to the top of my car. We need to get it off before one side gets too flat."

Kendall couldn't speak. His heart beat so hard, and he was hearing in some kind of strange echo.

"Is this okay?" James asked after a moment. "I didn't mean to overstep my bounds. I just thought it might be something you'd like. I had a talk with Dak...and, well, he knows you better than I do. I didn't know those memories about your parents decorating."

Kendall's eyes snagged James' hazel ones. There was a lightness in his chest and electricity zipping through his bloodstream. He stepped onto the cold poruch, without shoes, held James' face in his hands, and kissed him.

James chuckled into his mouth, and his fingers moved to Kendall's waist with a familiarity that Kendall loved. It meant everything to him that James felt so comfortable with him.

"I take it you like it?" James asked when they stopped kissing, foreheads together as they often did.

"I like it."

"How much?"

"Enough to drop to my knees on this cold-ass porch and blow you as a thank you."

James frowned playfully. "Blowing me is a hardship?"

"Nope. Best damn thing I've ever had in my mouth. I like eating your come, too. Gives me my salt fix." He winked, and James blushed. "Seriously, though...this...thank you. I wouldn't have done it for myself."

"I know." Then it was James who pressed a short, chaste kiss to Kendall's mouth, and it struck him again, the amazement at how they got here. That this man saw something in him, that he connected with him, that James wanted _him_ , despite everything. "Go get changed so we can get it done before it gets dark. I'll start setting up." James playfully pulled on the beanie, fitting it better over Kendall's head, grinned, then bent to start opening boxes.

It didn't take Kendall long to find a hoodie, then get socks and shoes on. They unstrapped the thick, bushy tree from James' car and leaned it against the house before they got to work on the lights.

James took care of stuff on the roof because Kendall wasn't too fond of ladders or heights, while Kendall decorated the porch and put out the yard designs. They worked well together, laughing and talking as they tried to recapture a piece of Kendall's childhood that he hadn't had since he lived in this very town.

Evening came early, but just as they lost the natural light, they finished.

"Go stand in the driveway." James told him. "I'll turn them on and set the timer."

Kendall did, watching James scurry around. James wanted to give him this, he realized, wanted to make this special. His heart swelled at the thought.

The multicolored lights flashed on, illuminating the dark, much like he felt James was doing for him. He hoped he was doing the same for James.

James jogged over, stood beside Kendall, and they looked at the flashing bulbs and winter scene they'd created. He moved behind James, wrapped his arms around his waist, and let his chin rest on James' shoulder.

"She would have loved it." Kendall whispered. "Thank you."

"Thank _you_." James replied.

"What are you thanking me for?"

"I don't know...getting to share this moment with you. Being here with you at all. Making me feel solid and whole again. I don't know if that makes sense."

"It does." Kendall replied. He felt it, too.

* * *

They'd stood in the driveway, looking at the house until it was too chilly to continue. Afterward, they went inside. James showered while Kendall tossed a frozen lasagna into the oven. It was the extent of their cooking, really. They lived off easy meals.

They had dinner together, watched some sports highlights, and then put the tree in the new stand James had picked up earlier, in the corner by the stairs, not too far from the couch.

"You got all red lights for the tree?" Kendall asked as he picked through more of James' purchases.

"I know how you like to be flashy." He teased.

"Fucker."

James leaned against the couch as Kendall opened boxes. The fullness that had expanded in his chest as Kendall had seen what he'd bought hadn't subsided. Damned if he didn't love the feeling, and he didn't want it to go away.

It meant something to him to give this to Kendall. Made him happy to make Kendall happy. It was so fucking out of his wheelhouse, this place they'd found themselves in, but he sure as fuck wanted to be here. James didn't know what that really meant for himself, though, and that was the scary part.

Did this sort of make him gay? Being in a relationship with Kendall? Bisexual? Did one tell people they were demisexual? Would he have to come out as _something_?

The truth was, he didn't know if he was ready for that. This had hit him out of the blue. The only thing he knew was, he wanted Kendall; he felt Kendall in his bones. Past that, he was at a loss.

"You gonna help me or what, Sweet Tooth?"

"I am." He pushed off the couch and went to Kendall. "I like the way it makes the house smell." He said as they strung the lights.

"Me too."

It didn't take them long to decorate the tree. He didn't typically bother to get one for himself. He'd decorated with his father, Stephanie, and now Kendall. There was a realness in that-like it cemented them as... _something_ , even more. Boyfriends? He wondered. Was that how Kendall saw him?

His mind found its way back to Stephanie. He saw her belly round and full. Her smile, and remembered the way it had settled in his chest. Then the tears...loss, the distance that had grown between them that became too vast with jagged edges and cliffs they couldn't conquer. Then he thought of Emma…

"Hey...what's wrong? You're spacing off over there." Kendall's voice jerked him out of his thoughts.

"Nothing's wrong." The words were bitter on his tongue. Kendall deserved to know. Emma deserved to be known.

He cupped Kendall's face the way Kendall had done to him earlier, felt scruff against his palm, rough and fucking delicious. James pressed his mouth to Kendall's, still so damned amazed at how much he wanted him, how he craved him all the damn time. That he not only _could_ do this, kiss Kendall whenever, but that he _wanted_ to, _needed_ to.

This moment with his memories a powerful ache in his chest, he needed Kendall.

He let his hand slide down Kendall's muscular back, smooth and so very male. He cupped his ass, tight and sexy, and wondered what it would be like to sink his cock inside.

He'd changed into his pajama bottoms. James didn't know why, but that made him smile into Kendall's mouth.

It was returned with a sexy moan as Kendall backed up, taking James with him until he fell to the couch.

James climbed on top of him, straddled his lap, straddled a _man's_ lap, a man who might be his boyfriend and who James wanted to devour. Who got his dick hard and made raw desire sear his body.

They made out that way, James on his lap, Kendall's arms around his waist. Every once in a while, he'd slide his fingers up James' back, beneath his shirt, and it made James tremble. Fuck, he could maybe even come this way, with Kendall just kissing and touching him. His fingers always felt like they were just beyond the surface, caressing and stroking something deep inside James.

He wanted more.

James let his mouth trail down Kendall's neck and rubbed their cheeks together just because he liked the texture and friction.

"I want…" He rolled his hips, feeling Kendall's hard cock beneath him, and damned if he didn't wonder what it would feel like inside him. He wasn't ready for that, though. Hell, he hadn't even fucked Kendall yet, hadn't blown him either, but he couldn't help but wonder...consider all of it. "I want your taste on my tongue. Wanna know what it feels like to have your dick in my mouth."

"Oh, fuck." Kendall dug his blunt nails into James' waist. "Have at it. It's all yours."

James grinned against Kendall's flesh before he climbed off. He sat on the coffee table and said, "Hips up." When Kendall obeyed, he pulled the pajama bottoms off.

"You can just jerk me if you want to." Kendall told him.

"I don't want that." Kendall had done this for him over and over, and now James wanted nothing more than to taste him. He leaned down, looking up at Kendall. "I'm determined to be good at this."

Kendall rolled his eyes playfully. "I promise you there will be no complaints from me on your performance."

James pushed Kendall's shirt out of the way and laid his cheek against Kendall's stomach, breathing him in. His scent was heady, masculine, and made his cock pulse. "It's weird...I was never into touch so much before. Touch, smell, those senses wreak havoc on my body when I'm with you."

"That's a good thing, no?" Kendall asked.

"Yes. Now let's see about taste." Before he thought about it too much, he licked Kendall's length, root to tip. His skin was salty, his cock hard and hot but covered in velvety soft skin that he liked against his tongue.

"Fuck, even your breath against me makes me lose my damn mind. God, you don't know what you do to me, Sweet Tooth. I want you so much."

"I want you, too." James lashed his tongue against Kendall and groaned, white-hot need burning through him. Kendall fucking whimpered, and James wanted more. Wanted to know every part of Kendall, taste every bit of skin.

James rubbed his hands against Kendall's thighs, and when Kendall's hand fisted James' hair, he lowered his mouth around his hot, hard flesh.

"Oh fuck, that mouth."

James himself was on a ragged edge just from blowing Kendall, from the words whispering through his brain that he was giving head. It was a turn-on. Each of Kendall's sounds amped up his pleasure. The feel of his dick sliding between James' lips, the feel of it when it hit his cheek.

He didn't take Kendall as deep as Kendall took him, but he didn't think it mattered. Kendall writhed beneath him, and Christ, James was fucking proud he made Kendall feel this good.

"I'm not gonna last. If you don't want it, you're gonna have to pull off and finish with your hand."

He did want it, though. He wanted Kendall's taste on his tongue. He'd never thought about things like that before, but he did with Kendall.

He sucked harder, stroked at the same time, nursed the head, and then he took him as deep as he could again. Kendall fisted his hair, groaned, and went rigid as his release filled James' mouth. James swallowed, slightly gagging because it was so damn new, but he wanted more of it. Wanted to have Kendall's taste ingrained into his taste buds.

Kendall shot again, and James swallowed that down, too. His dick throbbed in his sweats, so he shoved to his feet, pushed them down before wrapping his hand around his own erection and stroking hard and fast.

"Shoot on me. Mark me." Kendall said as he tore his shirt over his head.

James felt like he was cracking apart, bursting into a million pieces as his orgasm rushed through him and his first shot landed on Kendall's nipple. He kept stroking, shot again, hitting Kendall's stomach, his body going lax and feeling drained.

"Oh God. I think I love giving head." James said as he collapsed on the couch beside Kendall, sweats around his thighs and not caring.

"Feed it to me."

"Huh?" He looked at Kendall, breathing heavily. His eyes were heavy-lidded, and James knew he could still easily get lost in them.

"Your load. You took mine. Feed me yours." Kendall grinned, and James' stomach flipped.

"You're dirty." He scooped his jizz off Kendall's nipple and groaned as Kendall sucked it clean. He did the same with the rest, and it might have been one of the hottest things James had ever seen.

Sometimes those things reminded him of how much Kendall had done that he hadn't. He'd be lying if he didn't admit it made him slightly insecure.

"I don't think I can move." He said instead of thinking about that.

"Then don't." Kendall pushed to his feet. James watched his tight ass move and flex as he walked to the downstairs hallway by the bathroom. He came back with a blanket, and James couldn't tear his eyes away from him.

"See something you like?" Kendall teased.

"Your cock."

"Who's dirty now?" He tossed the blanket on the couch, got rid of James' sweats, and then turned off all the lights except the those on the Christmas tree.

James watched as he sat back down and said, "Lie on me." Kendall moved, squeezed one leg behind James, and the other on his lap. James went down, settling between his legs, with his head on Kendall's chest. It was difficult, but he fumbled the blanket to lay it on top of them.

And it was everything.

He listened to Kendall's heartbeat, felt it _thump, thump, thump_ against his ear, and savored the moment. It felt big, bigger than he'd expected; everything with Kendall seemed to do that.

"Does it bother you that I've been with so many men? Does what I used to do bother you? All the places I've been?" Kendall asked.

"What? No. Not at all. Did I do something to make you feel that way?"

"No...I'm just insecure, I guess." He admitted softly.

Of course Kendall had to feel the same way James did. "Me too. I feel like I'm not giving you enough or that I'm going to slow."

"You're not. It's perfect. Makes me feel like it's more than just the act that way. More than just sex and fucking around."

"It is."

"I know, but the brain likes to play tricks on us sometimes." Kendall's fingers danced down his spine.

There was a ringing in the distance-James' phone.

"Do you need to get that?" Kendall asked, and James shook his head.

"I'll call them back later." It would be his dad; something told him it would. He'd called a couple of times since Thanksgiving, but James hadn't answered. He didn't want to ask himself why.

"Anyway, we're old and boring. It's not even nine, and we're going to bed."

"It feels nice." James admitted. "Plus, it seems like we cured each other's insomnia, at least for now. We have a lot of sleep to make up for."

Kendall chuckled. "Yeah. Yeah, we do."

In the soft red glow, they did just that.

* * *

Logan's husband, Carlos', birthday was on Christmas Eve. He'd planned a last minute, family friendly surprise party because as he'd explained it, babysitters were hard to find and he wanted all their friends at the party.

Kendall would be lying if he didn't admit he was slightly nervous about how the evening would go. This would be his and James' first official night out together since they started doing whatever it was they were doing. It would be even more complicated by the fact that Dak and Jett weren't in town, so they didn't even have them to use as a buffer.

Kendall figured he'd just follow James' lead, but when they'd pulled Kendall's car up, down the street from the house, James had said, "This is a first for me."

He exhaled a breath that James had brought it up. That was a much more adult way of dealing with it than just keeping their mouths shut as Kendall had planned.

"I know. It's a party. I didn't plan to be all over you all night anyway." He had to admit, he wished he didn't have to keep his distance. Kendall wasn't lying when he said he wouldn't be all over James, but _not_ being able to touch him didn't sit well either. He got it, he did, but it still sucked.

"You should be able to touch me the way any lover would."

He loved that they were so often in sync, and he appreciated that James had said that.

"Agreed, but I get it. You have to remember that a lot of us can't be _out_ for different reasons so...while it sucks, this situation isn't exclusive to you and me. It's something a lot of people have had to deal with at one time or another."

James frowned. Kendall wondered if it was because he'd used the word "out." It was the reality of a relationship between the two of them, though. If they continued this, James would eventually have to be out as _something_ -demi, gay, bi.

"I never thought about that." James admitted.

"Why would you have?"

"I should have." There was an edge of disappointment to his voice, and Kendall knew it was in himself.

"This isn't something you've had to deal with before. Let's just go into the house and have fun. That's all that matters."

James nodded, reached over, and squeezed Kendall's leg. Something felt off in the way he moved, the way he touched Kendall. Maybe because this night made their relationship, or their fucking around, more real to James. There were things James would have to start thinking about now unless he called things off between them. Just the thought of that made Kendall's gut sour.

The walk to Logan's house was quiet and awkward. He greeted them at the door with a smile and hugs before ushering them into the house. They were the last to arrive, so the living room was already filled with people.

Logan introduced them and then announced that Carlos would be there shortly. He had gone bowling with a friend of his, and apparently, the man had texted to say they would be back in a couple of minutes.

The curtains were drawn as they all quietly waited for Carlos to get home. James stood beside him, the heat of his body running the length of Kendall's right side.

"I've never actually done the surprise party thing." James whispered, his breath brushing across Kendall's cheek.

"I'll throw you one."

"But it's not a surprise now. You told me."

"Okay, I won't, then."

James looked at him and rolled his eyes. "Now you're just saying that to throw me off track."

"You're being awfully picky here. Now shush, I'm trying to plan your surprise party."

They both laughed just as someone said, "Shhh!" behind them.

Kendall bit back more laughter, got close to James, and whispered, "Be quiet. You're getting us into trouble."

He could tell James was biting his cheeks to keep from cracking up. James had the best smile, so fucking happy, that it always made Kendall do that same.

Noise sounded from the porch, and ridiculously, Kendall's heart raced. "I've never done the surprise-party thing either." He admitted softly.

"Maybe we can throw one together?"

"For ourselves."

"No. For Dak or Jett or something…"

He liked the sound of that. "Deal. Now be quiet before we get into trouble again."

The doorknob twisted. There was a loud cough, likely the friend, before Carlos walked inside, and they all yelled, "Surprise!"

An older woman pushed past them, nose in the air. "The key to a surprise party is the surprise. Thankfully they didn't hear you."

 _Well, shit._ Someone was grumpy. Kendall opened his mouth the reply, but James beat him to it. "Oh, we didn't realize. We're new at this. We'll remember the surprise part for next time."

She huffed, crossed her arms, and walked away. James and Kendall burst into laughter, and Kendall thought laughing with James might be his favorite thing.

* * *

 **Done! So, this was pretty much one huge Kames-fest, not that anyone's surprised. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, XxxAnimaniacxxX, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James was grateful for the break in tension. It had been exactly what they'd needed. They spent the next couple of hours chatting with people, drinking, and just having a good time. It was nice to watch Kendall.

There were people Kendall knew from when he was a kid and whom he hadn't reconnected with yet. His Adam's apple bobbed each time he laughed. He moved his hands often when he spoke, James noticed. It wasn't something he'd taken the time to really pay attention to before.

Kendall was animated, a people person. The second part he knew. It was one of the things that had drawn him to Kendall in the first place.

They spent some of their time together, and there were times Kendall would sneak away. James had a feeling it was for his benefit, and while he appreciated it, he hated it, too.

He was doing this wrong, he thought. Was there a way he was supposed to do this? Really, there couldn't be. Everyone played by their own rules, but he felt off, as if he was doing wrong by Kendall even though they seemed fine. They were acting like everyone else at the party...like people who were getting together to celebrate a birthday.

Maybe the guilt had more to do with what was going on inside his head. He would have to come out as _something_...more than once, likely. And at this point, right now, he wasn't ready for anyone to know.

Part of that was because he wanted to protect it, wanted something he shared with Kendall and Kendall alone. He was afraid it would get ruined, that opening it up to more people and...well, real life would damage it, but he knew he couldn't protect it forever.

That was only part of the truth, though; the rest he wasn't as proud of. This changed everything, who he thought he was, and while he'd known that from the moment they started, it was different being laid bare that way for others to see.

"Boo!" Hands squeezed James' waist, and he jumped. Fucking jumped.

"Wow...someone's spacing off." Logan smiled at him.

 _Just thinking about Kendall, the guy I'm seeing…_

"Asshole." He winked at him. "The party seems to be going well." He nodded towards Carlos, who was doing some kind of chicken dance while holding one leg up.

"Yeah...we don't get out often."

James chuckled at Logan's joke. They turned and leaned against the wall, watching the people around them. Logan let his head rest on James' shoulder. "I'm exhausted. Surprise parties are a lot of work."

"It's mine and Kendall's first. We'll keep that in mind. We're planning our next one."

"For who?" Logan asked.

"We're not sure yet. We'll let you know when we figure it out."

"You guys are dorks." He pulled away and rolled his eyes. "The two of you have gotten close. That's nice."

He'd be lying if he didn't admit his muscles went a little tense at that. Had he made it obvious? _It's mine and Kendall's first. We'll keep that in mind. We're planning our next one._ He'd spoken about the two of them like they were some kind of package deal. But then...he sort of felt like they were. He _wanted_ to be a package deal.

Christ, his brain was spinning tonight.

"He's a good guy." James settled on.

"I figured he was. You are, too."

"Aww, thanks."

They were quiet again for a moment. He couldn't help but wonder what Logan was thinking. Did he wonder if he and Kendall were more than friends? How would he feel if he did?

"So…" Logan started just as James heard, "Hey, what are the two of you doing over here?" in a voice that made warmth spread through his chest and a smile pull at his lips.

Kendall.

"Nothing. Just hanging out. We're not as popular as you." James teased.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "I'm not popular. I'm a novelty because I'm back and no one knows where I've been."

That made James frown. He didn't want Kendall to feel like a novelty. "Whatever. People like talking to you because you're easy to talk to. Don't sell yourself short."

Well, that's awfully nice of you, Sweet Tooth."

James saw it as it happened-Kendall's hand rose, reached for him, touched the side of his face. The moment he realized it, James felt the jolt go from Kendall to him. Kendall jerked his hand back, his eyes wide in a horror that James hated he had to feel. That he had to be so nervous about anyone seeing them together because of James. It was all him. Not Kendall.

"Oh, hey, Logan! There you are." A voice sounded from beside them.

A woman stepped up beside them, her brunette hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was beautiful; James knew that. Just because he didn't feel attraction to someone didn't mean he didn't know when someone was beautiful or not.

His eyes caught Logan's, and he could see the confusion there, the questions.

"Hey, Jennifer. Listen, I-"

"Who's your friend?" Jennifer cut Logan off. She held James' gaze, and his gut twisted.

"Um," Logan started. He had a feeling this was all supposed to happen. Not the Kendall part, but the Jennifer part. He saw it in Logan's questioning stare. Heard it in his voice.

"James." He reached out and shook Jenifer's hand. "I'm James, and this is Kendall."

"Well, hello, James and Kendall." She said, but she was looking at James the whole time. Logan's _"So…"_ from the second before Kendall approached them came back to him. "Logan said you're a mechanic, right?" She asked, confirming they'd spoken about him.

"Um...yeah. I work with Dak."

James let his eyes find Kendall, and he could see the strain in his jaw, could see the pain in his eyes. It didn't take a genius to see what was happening here, and Kendall saw it. Jennifer had wanted to be introduced to him. Logan had agreed, but now he likely realized it was a mistake.

"Will you go grab a drink with me, Jennifer?" Logan asked. Jennifer's brows pulled together.

"I think I'm going to grab one." Kendall replied, and James frowned.

"Hey...where are you going?" He realized the question sounded ridiculous since he'd just said he was getting a drink.

"To get a beer." Kendall replied, and that easily, he walked away.

Every curse word James could think of swam through his brain. He was pissed at Kendall for walking away. Pissed at himself for putting them in the situation where Kendall thought that was the best thing to do. He was even pissed at Logan for agreeing to introduce Jennifer to him and at Jennifer for being interested, when he knew he didn't have the right to be.

"Listen, I'm going to head out. Tell Carlos that Kendall and I said happy birthday, Loges, and it was nice to meet you, Jennifer." He frowned in confusion, but Logan just said okay before James was making his way through the crowd of people.

He knew Kendall hadn't gone to get a drink, so James went straight for the door. By the time he made it to the driveway, he saw Kendall standing there, hands shoved into his pockets, with his back to the house.

James felt the sadness roll off Kendall, surround him. It matched what James felt, too.

"I'm sorry." Kendall said when James reached him. It was a reflex...touching you."

The apology rubbed roughly against James' skin, but he couldn't blame Kendall for it. He was the one who made Kendall feel as if he had to apologize for something like that.

"I'm sorry for making you feel like you can't."

Kendall sighed. "I shouldn't have walked out like that...with Jennifer. Did I make it obvious?" He asked. That question split James' heart.

"I don't know and I don't care." But part of him did. At least right now.

"Yeah, you do, but you're working on it. I know you are. I should have been more careful, and I shouldn't have stormed out like that. It was childish. I know you, and you wouldn't have led her on. You would have found a way to get out of the situation."

Yes, he would have...but he understood how Kendall felt, too.

"If our positions were reversed, it would have bothered me too, Kendall. Please tell me you know that. I wouldn't have been able to see anyone flirt with you either."

Kendall looked at him. It was dark, but the light over the garage shined down perfectly on Kendall.

"Yeah...yeah, I know it." Kendall responded, but something about the soft tone of his voice told James it was a lie.

"I'm serious."

"You ready to go home, Sweet Tooth?" He asked, and James sighed.

"I'm ready to go home."

They didn't touch or say anything else as they went.

* * *

They were quiet as they drove home.

Quiet as they walked into the house.

Quiet as they made their way upstairs.

Kendall wasn't proud of the way he'd reacted at the party. It had been immature. So Jennifer had been attracted to James. Big deal. She hadn't known James was taken...if he considered himself that.

He mentally chastised himself for the thought. Of course James did, didn't he? And he also knew how James worked. He wasn't the kind of man who would have just disappeared with a woman he had literally just met, though he knew James' life would be easier if he was. James had to know that too; he had to wish it was his reality.

"I think I'm going to take a shower." Kendall said.

He was pouting, pouting and feeling sorry for himself. It wasn't a good look on him. In the grand scheme of things, tonight hadn't been that big of a deal. Anyone knew relationships came with challenges, with mistakes and feeling your way around.

"Okay." James nodded. He sat on the bed and began removing his shoes. "I'm welcome in here tonight, right?"

"Of course you are. I want you here."

"I want to be here." And that helped. They had shit to figure out, but that statement made him believe they were in it together.

Kendall smiled, then went into the bathroom. He kept the door open slightly before slipping out of his clothes, turning on the water, and getting in.

He put his head under the spray, letting the water run over his head as if it could wash away his thoughts, his doubt. He was falling hard and fast, and that scared the shit out of him.

Kendall picked up the soap, washed his body and then his hair.

He didn't want to be in the shower without James. He wanted to be our there with him.

Reaching over, he turned off the faucets just as the shower curtain opened. James was there, in nothing but his underwear and holding a towel.

"You're always taking care of me...touching me...spoiling me. I want to do that for you."

"I like touching you." Kendall replied.

"I like it, too. Now come here and let me dry you off."

Kendall smiled. That sounded real nice to him. He stepped out of the shower, and James wrapped the towel around him.

"Turn." He said; then dried Kendall's back, between his legs, and down to his feet. "Turn around again." James told him, and Kendall obeyed. James dried his hair, his chest, his arms, stomach, and knelt to dry his cock, which had begun to harden. "It's still so new to me...seeing a man like this. Seeing _you_ like this. I'm sorry I'm not better at it."

"Hey." Kendall hooked his fingers under his chin and tilted it up. "You're doing great."

James didn't answer. Instead, he reached out to touch Kendall's erection. "Your body is amazing to me. It's just like mine...but different. I look at you, and my pulse goes haywire. My blood gets hot, rushes through my body, and I go out of my mind. Like you take me somewhere else."

"Fuck." Kendall trembled. "That was hot as hell."

"You know what you do to me, don't you? What you make me feel? That it doesn't matter to me that I've never been attracted to a man before. What matters is how I feel about you and…"

"And what?" Kendall gasped out, James' fingers whispering up and down his erection.

"I want you all the time...and it's more than just physical. It's everything else, but right now...right now I really want to make love to you, Kendall. Show me how to make love to you."

Kendall's body started buzzing, vibrating from the inside, like he could burst out of his skin. He wanted that. _Fuck_ , he wanted it.

He pulled James to his feet, their mouths slamming together. He tasted beer on James' tongue.

James groaned into his mouth, and Kendall swallowed it down. His hand slid to the small of James' back as he walked him toward the bedroom, toward their bed. It felt like it was their bed now, not just Kendall's-it belonged to both of them.

When James' legs hit the back of the bed, they stopped. James' mouth slid down Kendall's neck, his throat, so that he dropped his head back and let James kiss him. His hand traveled down Kendall's back, to his ass, where his fingers teased Kendall's crease.

"I don't have to show you anything, Sweet Tooth. You're doing just fine on your own."

"Good." James smiled against Kendall's skin. He felt it there and fucking loved it. "I want to make you feel good."

"You will. I've been dying to have you inside me."

"I've been dying to be there." James countered.

"So we're basically saving two lives tonight."

The two of them laughed as they so often did together.

"I guess we are. Now get your ass on the bed." James smacked Kendall's right cheek.

"Ooh. I like that. Nothing like a spanked ass."

"Really?" James' brows pulled together.

"Really. Maybe we'll try it sometime. Right now, I just want you in me." Kendall lay down on the bed, while James grabbed condoms and lube. He tossed them to the bed before pulling his underwear off. His cock was so fucking hard that it made Kendall's mouth water. "That fucking dick. I can't wait feel it."

James put one knee on the bed, then the other, before crawling toward him. "Feel. That's what you make me do. You make me feel everything a million times more than I do without you. Even if I'm not ready to go public yet, I want your hands on me all the time. Your eyes, everything. I really hope you know that."

Kendall's heart damn near burst. He opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, James silenced him with a kiss that he felt a million times more than any kiss he'd ever had.

* * *

Kissing Kendall was one of James' favorite things. He loved to taste him, to feel him, so that was what he did. He lay there, on top of Kendall, and they just ate at each other's mouths, nibbled each other's lips until they were both writhed, sweating, groaning masses of limbs and need.

"God, you kill me, Sweet Tooth." Kendall told him as James kissed down his chest and tongued his right nipple. Kendall's hand fisted in his hair. James loved knowing he made Kendall go so far out of his mind, because Kendall sure as hell did it for him.

He wanted Kendall to know that. Wanted Kendall to know how much he craved him, how much he desired him, but outside of that, he wanted to give himself to Kendall on a level he hadn't yet. To share himself.

"Jesus, you feel good. I need you, though. Wanna feel part of you inside me." Kendall said as he tightened his hold on James' hair. "I need you inside me."

A jolt of desire shot through James. He loved it when Kendall talked to him like that.

"Let's get you ready."

"You wanna watch me first? I know how much you like it. I'll finger myself, get myself nice and ready for you."

James trembled. He wanted to do that, to get Kendall ready, but he wanted to see it, too.

"Just for a minute, then your ass is mine."

They both chuckled at how cheesy that sounded.

He handed Kendall the lube. He squirted some on his fingers, then spread his legs. James settled between them, out of the way, as Kendall rubbed the pad of his finger on the tight ring of muscle.

"Push your finger in. Let me see it open up."

"Bossy, bossy." Kendall replied, but he did it. He pushed his finger in, and James watched his tight hole swallow it up again.

"Fuck, that gets my dick hard. It's so goddamn sexy watching you touch yourself."

"Yeah...I like it when you watch me, too." Kendall added a second finger, fucking himself on them. He moaned, gasped, and wiggled his ass like he was in fucking love with something inside him. James couldn't wait for it to be him.

"Christ, your sexy. I can't get enough of you. Turn over. I want to play, too." He leaned back on his knees to give Kendall space. He did as James said, rolling so he was on his elbows and knees, ass in the air.

James knelt behind Kendall, lubed his fingers, then rubbed two against Kendall's rim. It hit him then that they were here, together, and how there wasn't anywhere else he'd rather be.

"You're incredible." James told him.

"I didn't do anything."

"You didn't have to." He pushed his finger in, then another-twisting them, pushing deep and then pulling them out again. He watched Kendall's hole open up for him, prepare for his cock, and Christ, he wanted to know what it felt like inside him. "I want you. God, I fucking want you so much."

"I'm right here, Sweet Tooth. Take me. I want to give myself to you."

Those words landed in James' chest, maybe meant more than they were supposed to. James thought he wanted it all.

He eased his fingers out before grabbing the condom and preparing himself. Once he was wet with lube, he leaned forward, kissing Kendall's shoulders as he pushed his way inside.

He trembled, paused, and shuddered again. "Fuck...it's so damn tight inside you." He only had the head in, but he couldn't move. "Christ, I might die. Fucking hell, I can't believe how hot you are."

"Give me your cock. I want it. Jesus, I fucking want it all." Again, it felt like Kendall was talking about more than sex, and it was at the tip of James' tongue to return the sentiment...but he couldn't...not yet.

So instead, he pushed the rest of the way inside. He already on the edge and ready to burst. It was like a tight fucking fist around him, only better because it was Kendall and he was inside him. Inside a man. Inside the person who meant the fucking world to him.

"Jesus." James groaned, and then...then he couldn't hold himself back anymore. He pumped his hips, held Kendall's ass cheeks open with his hands, and watched his dick disappear inside. Watched it pull out and then shove deep again. It was fucking beautiful. _Kendall_ was beautiful. Each and every sound he made vibrated through James. Reached him on a deeper level than he knew was there.

"Yes...fuck yes, you feel so good. So goddamn good. Keep going."

James couldn't stop if he wanted to. But as sexy of a picture as it made, seeing himself fill Kendall, he wanted something else, too.

"Can you ride me? I want you to ride me."

"Fuck yes." Kendall replied, then lay down so James' cock slipped out.

He grabbed James, twisted him, laying him down in a swift movement. Then he was there, straddling him, grabbing James' cock, and lowering his ass over it.

Tight.

Hot.

In-fucking-credible.

" _Yesss_ …" James hissed as Kendall impaled himself on James' cock. And when he started to ride, when his hips rocked and his insides slid up and down James' cock, his vision blurred. He was nothing but color, felt his body quiver and tingle and damn near burst.

James used one hand to grab Kendall's hip and dug his nails in before fisting Kendall's cock and starting to jerk. Kendall's eyes rolled back, then closed.

"Right there. So good. Keep jacking me, and _fuck_ , you're hitting the spot."

James thrust, railed into him, trying to keep fucking Kendall like he needed, to keep reaching that spot that made him lose his mind. He cried out when Kendall's hole tightened around him, when the first shot of Kendall's release hit his chest, the other landing on James' mouth. Damned if he didn't lick it away.

"Jesus, that was hot. Watching you lick my load off your lip."

James felt a rush of heat as his orgasm slammed into him, washed over him as he let go, saw color, and came apart beneath Kendall.

They lay there, panting hard, holding each other, sweating together, and this moment...it was everything. He realized then how much this man meant to him, what this moment and every single moment they had together meant.

But somehow...somehow it wasn't enough either. He needed to give Kendall more, needed to give him the deepest, most scarred parts of himself. And know that Kendall would do his best to help ease those wounds.

* * *

 **Done! So...yeah. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! Next chapter will pick up where this one left off, so you'll get to hear/read James sharing his story with Kendall. That will more than likely be up sometime this weekend, early next week at the latest.**

 **Until then! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm here with another new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, XxxAnimaniacxxX, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James closed his eyes, concentrated on the feel of Kendall's chest beneath his cheek-the warmth of his skin and the gentle scrape of hair against his face. Kendall's gentle fingers danced across his arm, drawing pictures on him.

James relaxed into it. The touch helped everything else drift away. It was foreplay, comfort, security, friendship, passion, and desire all in the simple connection of flesh on flesh, skin on skin.

They'd been laying like this for who knew how long. James had disposed of the condom before Kendall pulled him back into his arms, where they still lay. He thought about earlier at Logan's, about Jennifer, about Kendall, about making love and the past. Of what he was about to say.

"We had a baby." He whispered.

Kendall's muscles tightened beneath him, his hold on James stronger; Kendall's breath blowing through the strands of his hair stopped.

"Had?" Kendall asked, then breathed again.

"Yes." His chest squeezed tight. It felt like someone had set a hundred-pound weight in the center of it. "Stephanie had always wanted a family. She loved kids, loved babies, and couldn't wait to have one of her own. It hadn't been something I'd thought about much before her."

He didn't know if it was because he'd never expected to settle down before he fell in love with Stephanie or because it had reminded him of what he was lacking. Or if it was because he hadn't wanted to be the kind of father his dad was.

"She wanted to try right away, which we did. Every month she would hope and pray, but then...then she didn't get pregnant."

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"I am, too." James replied. He settled onto Kendall's shoulder, lifted his hand to Kendall's chest, and brushed his thumb over the dusting of hair. "I like this." He was stalling. Of course he was, but it was true. He loved everything about Kendall's body, the masculinity of him, the hard angles, the hair.

"I'm glad." He kissed James' forehead. "What happened next?"

"She was devastated. Crushed. She thought something was wrong with her. We got her checked, and it wasn't." Which of course, left him. "I have...I have a low sperm count. In my head, of course, that just fed my feeling that something was wrong with me, and I guess it was. I didn't have any of the other symptoms except for the low sex drive, but then, that had been before Steph. Once I was with her, I wanted her all the time."

He knew and understood it now, of course. He was both demisexual and had a low sperm count, but back then, his sex drive and sperm count had seemed connected, while at the same time they weren't. Plus, for him, he hadn't felt the attraction either, and that had nothing to do with sperm. That was all him.

Kendall kept touching him...kept stroking, and James appreciated the time.

"Procedures were expensive, of course. That wasn't something we could afford, so we kept trying, thought not as actively as we had. I felt guilty, but Steph didn't want me to. She said she loved me, so sex felt like it was about sex and love again and not about making a baby."

James squeezed his eyes shut, fought back tears. "Christ, this is hard." He sat up, putting space between them, but Kendall didn't back down, didn't leave James alone in this, and even though he'd been the one to break contact, he was glad to have it back. Kendall moved behind him, wrapped his arms and legs around him, and leaned his cheek against James' back.

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

"I know." He replied, and he did. "And then...then our miracle came because she got pregnant. God, she was happy. _We_ were happy."

He held on to Kendall's arm, dug his nails in. Kendall rocked with him as he moved back and forth. Kendall's breath warmed his neck, and his lips pressed soft kisses to his shoulder.

"We made it to nine months. Everything seemed fine...perfect. Then she was born and... _fuck_." James wiped his eye when a tear leaked free. "She had a heart condition-they realized right after she was born. We only had her, our miracle baby, for less than twenty-four hours before she was gone."

"Jesus, James. I'm so sorry. So fucking sorry." Kendall's voice broke, and James heard the pain in it, the pain for him.

He needed to hurry and get the rest of it out before he wasn't able to anymore.

"Things went downhill for me and Stephanie after that. She was broken, devastated. We both were. Instead of leaning on each other, we pulled apart. Every time she looked at me, I saw the pain in her eyes, the brokenness. She couldn't see me without seeing what we lost, and...she couldn't get past it." Maybe he couldn't either. It wasn't fair to blame it all on her. "We tried for a long time, but we just couldn't find our way back to each other."

James couldn't hold back the tears then. They ran down his face, one after another, a waterfall against his skin. He didn't feel Kendall move, but suddenly he was in front of James, arms and legs around him. James dropped his head to Kendall's shoulder, wrapped his own legs around the man. Let him hold him, shush him, paint soft brushstrokes with the pads of his fingers against James' back.

And he cried. Kendall was the first person he'd said those words to, the first person he'd told about Emma. Guilt hit him then, as though he'd been hiding her, hadn't let his own daughter free. The thought only made him cry harder. Kendall didn't let go. He told James he was sorry. That he was there, and James took comfort in that truth. This man who had come into his life in the most unexpected way was his rock, his best friend, his lover.

When he finally settled down and could breathe again, but still wasn't sure if he could find the words, James traced a straight line down Kendall's back...then a horizontal one on top.

"T?" Kendall asked, amazingly knowing what James was doing. They'd joked about it before, but never played the game. It was almost like their Two Truths and a Lie from the beginning.

James continued to draw letters, and Kendall continued to guess-some taking more time than others.

When the two words were complete, Kendall answered with, "You're welcome, but you don't have to thank me for this. It's what people do when they care about someone." He leaned back briefly and brushed his thumb beneath James' eye, wiping the moisture there.

James smiled at him in the dark. "I care about you, too." His lips pressed down softly to Kendall's. Awkwardly, they lay down together, touched each other, and for the second time that night, James pushed inside him.

When they were done-sweaty and sticky-James knew he more than cared about Kendall. He loved him.

* * *

Kendall didn't have to open his eyes to know he was in bed alone.

His chest still ached from the weight of James' story. He and his wife had lost a child...and then in their pain, lost each other. He couldn't imagine what that felt like. His heart broke for both of them.

He could tell the room was lighter than it should be. He opened his eyes, stretched, and saw James standing in front of the balcony door, naked, with his back to Kendall. Was he thinking about his daughter? Emma Stephanie Diamond, James had whispered her name to him in the dark.

Was he thinking about his ex-wife? The woman he'd been crazy in love with, and if they'd been dealt a different hand, might still be with? Which meant he would never have come here...and Kendall would never have gotten to meet James…

Kendall shook his head, upset at himself for even thinking about that. What mattered was their loss. Their pain.

James didn't move when Kendall got out of bed. He didn't speak or turn around when Kendall stopped behind him, hesitating.

"Merry Christmas." James was the first to speak, his voice scratchy. Kendall exhaled a heavy breath. Somehow, just hearing James say that, he knew they were okay.

"Merry Christmas. I can't believe how bright it is. The sun is shining on Christmas Day."

"I think that's a good sign." He took a step back, and Kendall put a hand on James' biceps. He leaned in, touching him gently as they looked out the glass door at the trees surrounding the property.

"Yeah...I think it's a good sign, too."

They stood there like that for a few minutes, just _being_. Kendall thought about how much his life had changed, all the things that had happened since that kiss in the woods with Dak at sixteen-prison, losing his parents, porn-to this moment, back in Lakeview with James, a man who had never felt sexual attraction to anyone other than his ex-wife until he'd met Kendall. And now Kendall was in love with him.

"Thank you." He whispered. "For trusting me with that...for being here with me."

"You don't have to thank me for that." James used the same words Kendall had spoken the night before. He turned around and looked at Kendall. "Let's have a good day. We have food to burn and cookies to eat. I have a kickass gift for you, which is hidden in the garage. It was hard as hell to find a time you weren't home so Dak could help me get it here."

Kendall smiled, felt it in his chest. "That big, huh? You should see what I got you. It's pretty fucking badass." Funny, Dak had helped him with his gift, too.

"Probably not as good as what I picked for you."

"Eh." He playfully rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say. But breakfast first." Kendall kissed him. "I got you more of that sugary shit with the marshmallows."

"Oh my god. I would have forgotten we were out. I fucking love you." James turned, grabbed his sweats that lay over the armchair as though Kendall wasn't having a fucking heart attack...the good kind...wait. There wasn't a good kind of heart attack, was there?

Whatever it was, his damn pulse was going crazy, and he wanted to say the words back, to tell James he meant them, but the way he'd said it, it was obviously just a figure of speech.

He pulled on a pair of boxer briefs and followed James downstairs. Now wasn't the time for declarations. He'd just discovered how he felt.

They ate cereal for breakfast, this time Kendall indulging in it, too. Afterward, they took a shower together, got dressed, and then went back downstairs for gifts.

Kendall had hidden his in a closet beneath the stairs. He tugged out the large box that had been too big to wrap. When he did, a smile curled the edges of James' lips.

"You can take it with you when you move out, of course. I was just thinking we could start the game room we talked about."

"Are you kicking me out?" James asked as he walked towards him.

"No. Never."

James grabbed his face and pressed a kiss to his lips. Kendall liked that James was kissing him first more now. "We are so crazy."

"Why?" Kendall asked.

"I'll tell you in a minute. I fucking love it, by the way." James bent down and looked at the box with the billiards table inside. "Are we going to put it together today?"

"Fuck yes. Then I can kick your ass."

"You wish." James pushed to his feet. "Thank you. I can't wait to play with you."

"Ooh. What kind of playing would that be?" Kendall wrapped his arms around James and squeezed his ass.

"Dirty boy."

"You too."

"You make me want to be dirty." He pushed his hand down Kendall's pajama bottoms, which he'd put on after their shower, and teased the crease of his ass. "I have lots and lots of time to make up for...and we will…" He nipped at Kendall's collarbone. "But I want you to see your present, too."

James jerked away, and Kendall reached for him and missed. "You're such a tease. You get my dick all hard for you and then walk away? You owe me for that."

James turned, walking backward toward the door. "I owe you for a lot of things." The playfulness in his voice was gone. It was strong, yet sincere, and Jesus, those words meant a lot to him. "Come on, babe, I want to show you your present."

Just like the love comment from earlier in the room, James acted as though calling Kendall _babe_ was completely normal for him. It wasn't for Kendall, but he could definitely get used to it...like, he was already used to it.

"I'm coming." He said as he shoved his shoes on before they went to the detached garage. James used the key Kendall had given him, opened the side door, and hit the lights.

The second he saw it, his mouth stretched into a grin. "A pinball table for our game room." It was so strange, the way the two of them were always on the same wavelength with just a slight difference.

"I almost got a pool table."

Kendall's eyes snapped to James'. "No shit?"

"No shit."

Kendall walked over and looked at it. Put his hands on the buttons. James slipped behind him, resting his head on Kendall's shoulder.

"This is really fucking cool, Sweet Tooth. Thank you."

"I'm glad you like it." James' hand slid under Kendall's sweatshirt. "This is strange, huh? Us." His fingers worked their way to the trail of hair below Kendall's navel. "I don't ever want to stop touching you. Even when I feel out of place or I'm nervous, I don't want to stop it. I wasn't like that...not even with Stephanie."

Kendall sucked in a shaky breath. "I guess it's a good thing I don't want to stop touching you either, then."

"Definitely a good thing." James kissed the back of his neck. "Now let's get this inside, get dinner going, and get the table built. Then we can hurry and get back to the touching again."

It was exactly what they did. They carried the table inside and put it in the game room. They laughed and read directions and fumbled their way through stuffing a turkey and getting it into the oven.

Kendall saw James fumble with his phone.

"Sending my dad a Merry Christmas text." He explained, then put his phone away.

They put the pool table together, played, and made a mess in the kitchen with food they weren't even sure would be that good.

The turkey was dry, the mashed potatoes lumpy, but they enjoyed it. They had pie for dessert, which turned out _way_ better than the rest of the meal had.

Before Kendall knew it, they'd tumbled into bed again, kissing, touching, and talking before he gave James his ass again, and they started over with the kissing, touching, and talking.

For the first time in his life, everything felt damn near perfect.

* * *

It was New Year's Eve, and the shop was only open half a day. Dak and Jett were already back from LA.

They were working together on a Toyota, but James' mind kept going back to Kendall, Christmas, their talk about Stephanie and Emma, and hell, just everything about the man he shared a bed with every night.

He made James feel alive in ways he hadn't known he could feel alive. There was a constant ache in him for Kendall, and it was both exhilarating and frightening because it was so new, foreign, and meant a change a him.

It hadn't been long since he discovered he was demisexual; maybe he should even call himself bisexual too-he didn't know. What he _did_ know was that being with Kendall would make him gay to the outside world. There wasn't anything wrong with that, of course...but it was an adjustment. It meant something different for his life than he'd anticipated, and realistically, that would be scary for anyone.

But what was the alternative? Walking away? He didn't want to do that. He _couldn't_ do that.

It was killing him to keep this inside. It was hard on Christmas Eve, and now it felt like he and Kendall were suddenly lightyears away from even that.

"Can you hand me the-"

"I'm dating Kendall." James cut Dak off. "I mean...I guess it's considered dating. We're something...boyfriends? Christ, I have a fucking boyfriend. That's not the first time it's hit me, but yeah….only I said it out loud to someone, and…" James allowed his stare to connect with Dak's.

His friend smiled. "No way! You and Kendall? I would never have guessed!"

"Fuck off." James playfully pushed his shoulder. "Is it that obvious? I know you asked about it once, but…"

Dak sighed, picked up a towel, and wiped his hands.

"I don't know if it would be to everyone. The two of you are rarely together in public. I spoke to you, obviously, and I could tell on Thanksgiving that Kendall had feelings for you." He shook his head. "You crazy motherfuckers both tried to get each other the same damn Christmas gift. It was the funniest shit I've ever seen."

Dak tossed James the towel and continued, "Before, you said you haven't been with a man, but is Kendall the first time you've been _attracted_ to a man?"

Embarrassment wormed its way through his gut. Who the hell wanted to talk about things like this? He still had a few hang-ups regarding sex and attraction. Being demisexual without knowing and then struggling to get Stephanie pregnant just made it worse.

"I've never felt sexually attracted to anyone in my life other than Kendall and...and my ex-wife."

Dak's forehead wrinkled, and his brows pulled together. "Wow...ex-wife. I didn't know that. So you're demi?"

Apparently, everyone knew that was a fucking thing except James.

"That's what we figured out. I thought I was just fucked up. I got high with Kendall one night, admitted it, and he told me. I know it could have been solved with an Internet search, but when you're scared something's wrong with you, it's easier to pretend it doesn't exist."

But it _did_ exist, and it was James...and that was okay.

"Shit, man. I'm sorry. That couldn't have been easy on you. We're ahead on this car. Let's take a break."

James set down the towel, and they walked over to the desk. Dak sat, and James leaned against the wall, facing him.

"So you care about him, obviously." Dak said.

"I do." The truth was easy to let past his lips.

"It's plain as fucking day to me that Kendall's crazy about you. Like I said, I'd already figured, but really realized it when we went to lunch just before Christmas."

That thought warmed James' chest. That Dak could see that Kendall and he meant something to each other.

"It's different, though… I don't know how to act in public. I mean, I do, but it's hard. It's new, you know? I don't have a lot of experience with this outside of Stephanie, much less being in a relationship with a man. It was awkward at Logan and Carlos' the other night, which made me feel like shit, but it's...I don't know."

"Because no matter how you identify, to everyone else you're now a gay man. And there's nothing wrong with being gay, but it comes with some pretty heavy shit sometimes, both in your head and because of society. It means certain pieces of who you thought you are aren't the same, and maybe the way you saw your future has changed, but fuck...it's pretty incredible, too." It was as if Dak had just read his every thought, knew his every feeling.

"Butt-fuck." James teased, trying to lighten the mood by playing off what Dak said.

"Butt-fucking's definitely a plus. I'm quite fond of it myself."

"It makes me feel weak...like an asshole, to be nervous about something like that. It wasn't a choice for you, or Jett, or Kendall to come out. You're gay, and that was the only way to be true to yourself and the only way to be happy."

Dak sighed. "There's always a choice-even for us. The options might not be good, and it might be untrue to who we are, but there's always a choice and...well, if you care about Kendall, if you love him or think you could love him, you could say you don't have a choice either. You need him to make you happy the same way I need to be true to myself to make myself happy. So...you have a choice to make: you move forward with Kendall, or you don't. I might not have had contact with him since I was a kid, but I know him well enough to say he won't push you too fast. But it's not fair to him that being out isn't even on the table either."

"No...I know. I would never do that to him." James rubbed a hand over his face. "Christ, I hope this doesn't all make me an asshole. I'm not ashamed to care about him, or ashamed if someone calls me gay."

"I know." Dak smiled. "You're a good guy. And I can't tell you what to do. No one can but you. I just...I spent a lot of years alone and unhappy. I don't want to see you do the same. You're the one who helped me pull my head out of my ass, so I'll do the same for you. My advice to you is to grab on to what makes you happy and hold on to it with all your strength. True happiness is hard to find. Everything else...well, just take it one step at a time, with an open mind, and everything will fall into place. The real question is...does Kendall make you happy? What do you want?"

There was no doubt in James' mind. "Yes...and I want him."

Dak stood up, walked over, and put a hand on James' shoulder. "Then together, the two of you will take on everything else."

"Thanks, man." James said before pulling Dak in for a hug.

"No problem." Dak responded when they broke the embrace. "Jett and I are hitting up Round Table tonight if you guys want to come. No obligation."

James nodded. "I'll talk to Kendall and let you know."

* * *

 **Done! So, we got more of James' backstory this chapter! We also had Kames' Christmas gift exchange and a talk between James and Dak this chapter!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will be a little shorter, and will be up sometime this weekend.**

 **Until then! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back again with another new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, XxxAnimaniacxxX, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Remind me why we thought this was a good idea again?" Kendall teased Jett as they made their way up the muddy mountain trail. They'd driven up one of the old roads in Jett's car and then had to go the rest of the way to the top on foot.

"Because you can get some really gorgeous shots of the valley from up here. I told Annie about it, but she'd never been, so I thought I'd get some proof for her."

"Oh yeah?" Kendall smiled. "That makes it worth it, then. You're good to her. I know how much that has to mean to Dak."

"She's a good woman and like a mother to me." Jett's foot sunk in mud, but he pulled it out again and kept going. "Plus, Dak would never have given me the time of day without her. If I hadn't been in the right place at the right time to help her once, I wouldn't be here right now."

"Nah. I don't believe that. One way or another, you and Dak would have found your way to each other." They were too perfect for each other not to. Kendall had to believe in that kind of love.

James' eyes flashed through his mind-the green on the inside and brown around the edges. Fuck, he had it bad.

"Do you believe that?" He found himself asking. "That everything happens for a reason?"

Jett sighed as Kendall used a tree to steady himself before he kept going.

"I don't know. That's kind of a tough question. Part of me wants to say yes. That all the bad shit has a purpose-that it's to lead you to the place you're meant to be, that place where you're happy, but I don't know. It sucks to have all that bad shit to get to the good. What about you?"

As his feet squished into the earth, Kendall thought about getting dragged away from Lakeview, the loneliness, the hospital, prison, his parents' guilt, losing them…

"I don't know. I guess I kind of feel the same as you. But sometimes it's a whole lot of hurt to get your happy. I'd like to think some of that is more due to human error than paying your dues, you know?" They both laughed before Kendall continued. "I haven't lived a pretty life."

"Neither have I."

"I'm pretty sure I have you beat." Kendall said honestly.

"Don't look at it that way. There's nothing wrong with what you've done or who you've been."

He realized then that Dak must have told Jett about his time in prison. He wasn't surprised or angry. He figured Dak told Jett everything, but it always made him a bit uncomfortable because he hated to think of anyone looking at him differently.

There would never be a time he wasn't ashamed of what he'd done, even though it had been a mistake and he'd learned from it.

"Not everyone would look at four years in prison for assault like that."

Jett stopped and looked at him. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Kendall frowned.

"I thought Dak must have told you. Then what…" Jett's cheeks tinged a slight pink, and he looked down bashfully. "Oh hell." This was awkward. His past in the porn industry wasn't something he was ashamed of, even though he knew some people looked down on it. They'd been like family-the only family he'd had back then. They'd cared about each other and done good work.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you." Jett said as he fiddled with the strap of his camera bag.

"I'm not. I mean...maybe a little bit. Just surprised, though I guess I shouldn't be."

"Yeah, imagine my surprise when I figured it out. It didn't click at first, but after we met by the lake I realized your face hadn't been familiar because of growing up, but because I'd jacked off to it. Fuck, was that wrong to say?"

Kendall laughed so hard his cheeks hurt. "No, it was perfect, actually. Does Dak know?"

"Nah, I didn't tell him. It's not a big deal. Nothing to be ashamed of, and I figured it wasn't my place to say anything. He wouldn't have either. Not about your past. You can trust him, and I'm sorry for the misunderstanding that made you tell me something you might not have otherwise, but it doesn't change a thing. I don't know what happened back then, but I know you now, and Dak trusts you. That's all that matters to me."

Jesus, Jett really was a good guy-Dak, too. He'd come back to Lakeview to find himself again, to figure out who he was and what he wanted. In the middle of that, he'd found three men who meant the fucking world to him. Three men who accepted him for who he was, past and all.

"Thanks. I appreciate that."

"Nothing to thank me for." Jett replied, and they were on their way again.

It was only a few more minutes before they made their way to the top. Kendall looked out at the valley below-the trees, dense and going on as far as the eye could see.

"Damn, it really is beautiful up here. I'll have to bring James sometime. I think he'd like it."

"Yeah, I think he would, too. It's good to see him so happy and enjoying himself. He didn't do much before except work and have a few drinks with Dak at Round Table. You're good for him." There was a knowing strength to Jett's voice, but Kendall didn't confirm anything, even though he wished he could.

"Eh. I didn't do anything."

"When you change someone's life without even trying...by just _being_ , that's when you know it's really something. Do you think Dak and I realized what was happening before it happened? It usually sneaks up on you that way. Something to keep in mind."

Kendall's throat tightened; he hoped what Jett saw was really there and wished like hell he could talk to someone about it.

"I'm gonna take a few pictures, and then we can head down. The guys will be off in a few and likely waiting for us."

He said that as though he and James were on the same level as Jett and Dak. Kendall wanted that. Fuck, he really did. He thought maybe it was exactly what he'd been looking for all along.

* * *

James pulled into the driveway just as Jett was dropping Kendall off.

"Don't ever go hiking with Jett." Kendall said as he grinned at him. "I had mud damn near up to my knees." He'd obviously changed since he walked around the car carrying a bag and wearing clean pants and shoes.

Jett rolled his window down. "Don't listen to him. He's just a big baby. A little mud never hurt anyone."

Kendall playfully rolled his eyes, and Dak's invitation from earlier came back to James. He wanted to go, he realized. He wanted to spend the night out, the four of them, like any couple would do. And they were that-a couple.

He wanted to make up for Christmas Eve.

James didn't let himself think, didn't let himself worry about anything other than Kendall and this moment and how he felt Kendall. He put his hands on Kendall's shoulders from behind, massaged them, and leaned in. "I'm sorry you got dirty, babe."

The muscles in Kendall's shoulders tightened-immediately felt knotted. James didn't let go; he continued to hold on to Kendall.

Jett chuckled. "I owe you one, I guess."

"You can buy him a drink if we make it out with you guys tonight."

"Sounds good." Jett replied, but Kendall still hadn't said a word.

Jett said his goodbyes, turned his car around, and drove away. Kendall turned, forcing James' hands to fall.

"What was that?" Kendall asked.

"That was...me...us. That was me showing off my boyfriend the way he deserves to be shown off. That's what we are, right?" He could hear the vulnerability in his own voice.

"Yeah." Kendall smiled. "Yeah, that's what we are."

"I told Dak today." He brushed his thumb over Kendall's cheek. "I can't promise I'll be perfect, that I won't stumble. I'm still getting comfortable in my own skin, but...all I know is, being with you...it feels right. _You_ feel right. It's like everything was black and white and now I'm seeing in color. Like I was just an outline and you somehow colored me in."

Kendall's smile radiated off him, an energy James felt in his chest. "Colored you in...I like it. You did the same for me. Fuck, we're sweet."

"So goddamn syrupy fucking sweet. Just how I like it. Maybe that's why I'm always craving you."

"Nah, that's just because I know how to work my ass real good on that cock of yours." Kendall teased, and they laughed.

James leaned forward, forehead to forehead, closed his eyes...and let go.

"I think I'm in love with you."

"Jesus, what the hell happened at the shop today?" Kendall asked as he wrapped his strong arms around James' waist. James loved the strength in him, the masculinity. "I'm love with you too, Sweet Tooth."

"Thank God. You had me a little scared there for a minute."

"I had to leave a little mystery. That's how I keep you." They laughed and kissed, and as they stood in the middle of the driveway, everything was perfect.

* * *

Rock music vibrated the walls of Round Table. Kendall hadn't been to the bar yet. There was a dance floor toward the back, a bar to the left, and several high-top tables scattered about.

Dak and Jett were already there and had texted James to let him know they had a booth in the right corner. His eyes skated around the room, and he noticed there was only one person behind the bar, which obviously wasn't enough for the people here tonight.

They walked side by side through the crowd of Lakeviewers, who'd all apparently had the same idea as them of celebrating New Year's Eve in the town's most popular bar.

They made it to Dak and Jett's table just as a waitress approached.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get over here. Things are crazy and we're short-staffed."

"No worries." Jett said. "Our friends just got here." He and Dak were both sitting on the same side of the booth. Kendall sat first, scooting to the inside before James went down beside him.

"You want your regular, James?" The waitress asked. She looked familiar to Kendall, but he couldn't place who she was.

"Yep, sounds good, Lucy. Thanks."

Lucy's eyes landed on Kendall next, and he saw the recognition there just as it clicked into place.

"Holy shit! Kendall! I heard you were back!" She leaned over, and Kendall stood. It was awkward trying to hug her over James and the table, but they managed just fine. "Wow, look at you. You look great, Kendall."

"Thanks, Lucy. You look great, too."

He'd always thought Lucy had gotten a bit of a bad reputation when they were kids. She hadn't always been the nicest girl there was, but Kendall had known she was just looking for love in the wrong places.

"Damn...this is feeling like deja vu. First Jett and now you!"

Kendall chuckled.

"We always wondered what happened to you. But…" She smiled. "I hope you're happy now." The way she said the words, the knowing smile, told Kendall she knew he was gay. Whether it was from rumors when he left, or hell, as far as small towns went, maybe there were rumors since he'd come back. Maybe she'd somehow known from the beginning, but she definitely knew now.

"Thanks. I am." His eyes darted to James, who was looking at him.

James reached over, wrapped his arm around Kendall's shoulder, and squeezed it. Lucy's eyes nearly popped out of her head.

"You too?" She asked. "Jesus, what's in the water around here?"

"Whatever it is, we're pretty damn lucky." James replied.

Yeah...yeah, they were.

"Well, lucky for me, I'd always wondered, so I didn't try to ask you out like I did Dak." She said, with all four of them chuckling in response.

"Excuse me!" Someone called, and Lucy turned.

"I'll be right there." When her attention was back at the table, she added, "Things are a mess. One of our employees quit. He couldn't handle the ups and downs lately since the owner's wife got sick. Round Table just hasn't been important to him-understandably. I'm a little worried because he just told us a couple days ago he's selling. I'm just hoping whoever comes in here keeps the staff. I have bills to pay."

Kendall's heart pinched for her.

"We'll figure something out. If it comes to that, maybe you can help with some paperwork around the shop or something until you get on your feet." Dak told her, and Jett turned to him like he'd just hung the damn moon.

Jett grinned, leaned forward, and kissed the side of Dak's mouth. "My boyfriend is the best." He was a character-Jett-so different from the boy Kendall remembered.

Lucy laughed, thanked them, took the rest of their order, and then disappeared.

James drummed the fingers of his free hand on the table, the other arm still around Kendall. It surprised him that James was being so open here with him so soon, but it filled him with so much fucking joy.

After a moment, James caught his gaze. It was as if he just realized he was still holding on to Kendall, and slowly pulled his arm away. Disappointment sat heavy in his chest, even though he knew it wasn't right to push. James had never done this before.

He looked almost shy with a twinge of regret as he laced his fingers together on the table.

As if he sensed the tension, Jett cleared his throat. "Thanks for going with me to take the photos today. I got some great shots."

That launched a conversation about Jett's art. He was also working on a new series of paintings for Dak, which Kendall could tell his old friend was both proud of and a little bashful.

Their beers came eventually, and everyone loosened up. They asked if Kendall had made any decisions on what he wanted to do yet, which of course he hadn't.

Jett kept his arm around Dak as he spoke, his thumb brushing against the skin of his neck in such an intimate and loving way.

People came up to their table every once in a while to say hi, or talk to James and Dak about a car. Kendall got quite a bit of attention himself, people welcoming him back and asking where he'd been.

"This feels like the first time I was here with Jett." Dak said. "Every other minute someone was approaching us."

"It's because I'm so good-looking." Jett replied, and Dak rolled his eyes. "First time we stepped out as a couple at Round Table, too."

"Were you not out before Jett came back to town?" Kendall asked. They hadn't discussed that.

"Yes and no. I mean, I guess I wasn't officially out. I didn't talk about it, never really brought a guy out anywhere, but I didn't totally hide it either. Everyone knew. I just...got tired of just getting by. I wanted to live, and part of that was owning who I was and what I wanted. But I did kiss you once at Golden Spoon before that." Dak responded, aiming the last part at Jett.

"I forgot about that." Jett replied.

"Gee, thanks."

"It's going to be a shame if we lose this place."

Kendall felt James' eyes on him then, warm and questioning. "I remember that night." His breath ghosted over Kendall's cheek when he spoke. "I was proud of you, Dak. I…"

Then James leaned forward and pressed his lips against Kendall's. He was staking his claim, owning the moment and who he was in a way that Kendall tasted in his kiss. In a way he could feel in the sweep of his tongue.

And when the kiss ended, he put his arm around Kendall again, pulling him close. They caught a few surprised stares and similar jokes about something being in the water as Lucy had said.

Logan and Carlos showed up, and they scooted over so they could share a booth with them. James didn't stop touching him, didn't stop holding him the entire time.

Everyone stood when it was almost midnight and counted down. When the New Year rang in, James kissed him again.

* * *

 **Done! So, a slightly shorter chapter this time around, but Kames finally said the L-word to each other! We also got a little Kendall-Jett interaction at the beginning.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will more than likely be up on Wednesday, so not too long of a wait for that.**

 **Until then! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back with another new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, XxxAnimaniacxxX, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James' stomach twisted the whole time he was in the shower.

They'd come home not long after midnight, and he'd needed a moment to himself. He could see Kendall's surprise and maybe a little but of hurt when he'd declined Kendall's request to join him in the shower.

Tonight had been...incredible. It was amazing how good it could feel to touch Kendall in public. To claim him, in a way-to be in a true relationship. He wanted Kendall, he loved him, and that was all that mattered. It was important to James. Kendall deserved it. _They_ deserved it.

And now...now he needed something else from Kendall, too.

James turned the faucet, shutting the water off. He used the towel that hung on the wall to dry off before he opened the bathroom door to see Kendall already in bed.

"I brought some cookies up. You're turning me into a sweet tooth like you."

He frowned when James didn't reply, and he could tell Kendall must be able to read the expression on his face that something was going on.

"You okay?" Kendall's brows pulled together. "Are you thinking about earlier tonight?" He rubbed a hand over his hair. His frown got deeper. His jawline tensed.

"No...don't worry. I'm not thinking about earlier...I'm thinking about now." James walked over, his cock already beginning to rise as he did so. "Tonight felt good...right. Maybe right in ways it didn't before." He admitted.

When he reached the bed, James pulled the plate of cookies off Kendall's lap, setting it down and grabbing one. With shaky hands, he reached down and pulled the blanket off Kendall, tossing it to the other side of the bed. He wore a pair of red trunks and nothing else.

He straddled Kendall, who hissed, then cupped James' face.

"Jesus, you're beautiful." Kendall told him.

James smiled. He was a good-looking man. He knew that, but no one had ever called him beautiful before. That wasn't exactly something you said to men where he came from. He loved the word on Kendall's tongue.

"Thank you, but shh. I'm supposed to be seducing you."

James broke off a piece of cookie and held it out to Kendall. It was bigger than a bite, and when Kendall took it, one end sticking out past his lips, James leaned forward and bit at the other side. He rolled his hips, rode Kendall's lap.

"Someone's feeling frisky tonight." Kendall said when they finished chewing. He wrapped his arms around James and palmed his ass.

"You give me that. You make me feel this all the time. All you have to do is look at me, baby, and it feels like you're touching me. You make me _want_."

"I-"

"Shh. I'm not done." This time he put part of the cookie in his own mouth, leaned in, and let Kendall nibble it from his lips. They moved together as they chewed, James rubbing against him as Kendall's hands journeyed up and down his back.

They ate that way, touching and loving until the cookie was gone.

"Sex has always been this thing I didn't know how to crave when I always thought I should." He kissed Kendall's neck, sucked the skin there hard enough that he hoped he gave Kendall a bruise. "I want it all with you. I…" His throat tightened, but James pushed through it. "I want to know what it feels like to have you inside me. I want us connected in that way. Will you show me, Kendall? Will you touch me? Fuck, I love how it feels when you touch me. I want to know it from the inside."

Rough fingers dug into James' hips. "Fuck…"

"Tighter." James begged. He wanted Kendall to crawl inside his skin. For his fingerprints to be imprinted there. He wanted Kendall to feel his heartbeat from the inside in a way no one in his life ever had or ever would.

"Jesus, you're killing me. So fucking hungry."

He was. It was as if James had never known what it was like to be hungry before Kendall, and now he wanted to indulge, to ravage Kendall and to be ravaged by him.

"I need to feel you everywhere. For my muscles to ache with the memory of you. To feel you every time I move. I want my skin to tingle when I remember the press of your fingers." James dropped his head back. One of Kendall's hands slipped back around him and lightly squeezed his throat.

"Fuck." James groaned, his dick tall and proud between them. He didn't know what had gotten into him. Why his body felt like it was going haywire. Why he craved complete possession by Kendall.

Maybe he was afraid he would lose Kendall or the yearning he'd stirred within him. Or maybe he couldn't handle another second after a lifetime without it, but he wanted to surrender sexually with every molecule and blood vessel and ounce of him.

Kendall let go of his neck, ran his fingers down James' chest, and then used the pad of his finger to draw as he spoke.

"Y." He moved to the next letter. "E." Finally the third. "S. I'll do you right, Sweet Tooth. Make you feel so fucking good, you won't know how you lived without my cock."

"Already don't." James admitted, though they both knew it was more than dicks they were talking about.

"I don't know how I deserve you." Kendall still sat with his back against the headboard and pulled James to him. Their teeth clashed, tongues searched, mouths devoured. He squeezed James' hips again, tight...so fucking tight, there would be marks, and the thought made James' head spin.

James' erection ached. He didn't know how he would survive this, and they hadn't even done anything yet.

"Let me make you feel good." Kendall told him as he eased James off him until he lay beside him, on his back. Kendall kicked out of his underwear, straddled James, and rubbed their cheeks together, the gentle scrape of his scruff making James jerk. "Let me make love to you. I've never made love before you. I'll fuck you and love you."

" _Yesss_." James hissed. That was exactly what he wanted.

* * *

Kendall's whole body trembled. He was far from being a virgin. He'd had more sex than he could recall, but he'd never wanted to be inside someone as badly as he wanted to be inside James. He'd never felt so naked, so raw, as he did with the man beneath him right now.

Kendall slid down James' body, ghosting his cheek against James' skin. James trembled beneath him as he brushed his stubble against James' chest.

James writhed, groaned, and dug his nails into Kendall's skin.

"I've never met someone as responsive as you, even with something as simple as a touch." Which was ironic, in a way.

The man who thought something was wrong with him, who struggled to feel sexual attraction, was the most responsive person an ex-adult entertainment model had ever had. Funny how things worked, how people did.

"It's you." James gasped out. And then, "Please."

Kendall loved the sound of the word from James' lips.

"I'm getting there." He used his tongue on James next, running it down the center of his chest and then sucking skin from his lower stomach into his mouth. His flesh was hot and salty, and Kendall could spend the rest of the night just tasting him.

He settled between James' legs, licked his hip bones, then nuzzled his erection.

" _Christ_."

Kendall smiled between his legs, then tilted his head up and bit James' inner thigh.

"Fuck!" James' hips thrust off the bed.

"Too much?" Kendall asked.

James answered with a strangled, " _More_."

Kendall fucking growled in response. "You nearly melt my damn brain." He admitted before he let his teeth sink into James' other thigh. "So sweet." He whispered as he licked where he'd bitten.

He treated James as he'd done the first time they were in this bed, kissing and licking his way up and down his legs until James continuously writhed and panted beneath him.

"Please...please, baby…" James' voice wavered.

"I'll give you what you need." Kendall said against the skin of James' thigh. "I want you to turn over. I've been dying to taste you." The muscles in James' leg tightened against his lips, but Kendall expected that. "You'll fucking love it. I will, too. Can't wait to bury my face between your cheeks and lick you until you're out of your mind and my taste buds know nothing but you."

"Christ, you're good at that. I love it when you talk dirty to me."

Kendall looked up at James from between his thighs.

"I'll be sure to keep doing it, then." He sat up and nodded. "Turn over. I'm going to fucking devour you."

James' eyes rolled back, and he grabbed his erection. "That almost got me." He took a few deep breaths as though he was trying to calm down.

"You're so easy." Kendall winked at him.

"Fucker."

"I'm going to fuck you, so yep, you can say that."

James smiled at him, and it nearly stopped his damn heart. He loved that smile and to see it turned to him on.

Finally, James did as Kendall said. He rolled over, legs spread, his toned ass waiting for Kendall.

"Fuck, it's beautiful." Kendall said as he ran his hands over each globe. He slipped his thumb in James' crease and rubbed it against his pucker. He leaned over, spit on it, then rubbed it again. "It's a pretty fucking hole."

"Oh God." James thrust his hips. "Why does that make me want to blow my load?"

"Because you're a dirty boy who likes dirty talk, apparently."

"Only when it's you."

Those words rocked through Kendall's chest, made his heart vibrate. Jesus, he loved this man.

Kendall leaned over and grabbed the lube and a condom from the nightstand, tossing them onto the bed for when he'd need them. James still rode his mattress like he just needed friction, and Kendall couldn't wait to add to that with his tongue against James' rim.

"Here." Kendall grabbed a pillow. "Hips up." He shoved it beneath James so that he was at a better angle. "Spread your thighs for me." Kendall told him as he settled between them.

James' legs shook, trembling in what Kendall hoped was anticipation. He teased the seam of his ass, spread it, then dived in. He rasped his tongue against the tight ring of muscle and immediately let out a moan.

"Knew you'd taste good." He said before he dived in again.

James panted, sucked in sharp breaths, and made a soft whimpering sound that caused Kendall's head to spin.

"God...fuck...it feels…" James drew each of his words out, leaving a breath between them as though he had to gather his thoughts.

"Hope it feels as good as you taste, because your ass will be all I crave now. You'll come home, grab a cookie, and I'll tell you to drop your pants so I can eat and savor you. My new favorite snack."

James' leg jerked and he thrust, making Kendall pull back so he didn't come. He rubbed the globes of his ass and kissed them to give him time to get himself under control. "No coming until my dick's in your ass."

When James' body visibly relaxed, Kendall devoured him again. He licked and sucked and probed at James' rim until he was quivering mess again. "I'm gonna put a finger in you now, fuck your pretty hole with it, show you how it feels to have your prostate rubbed."

"Please…"

"I love that word on your lips." Kendall sucked his finger, getting it as wet as he could. He rubbed over the small, pink hole before pushing the tip of his finger in, watching it give way and allow him in.

"So damn tight. Gonna blow my load the second I'm inside you." He let his finger slide in...then out again. Those soft, whimpering noises slipped past James' lips slightly louder, and more frequent.

His own cock was painfully hard. He felt it throbbing beneath him and thought he could probably come like this, just watching his damn finger fuck James.

"What does it feel like?" Kendall asked.

"Different...some pressure, but...my head...in my head, I know it's you, which makes it so fucking right."

"Jesus, what you do to me." Kendall heart thudded against his chest. "Sex starts in the brain."

"Not for me. For me, it's my chest."

Those words shattered Kendall, blew him apart.

"You don't know what hearing that does to me. I'm gonna add another finger, okay?"

He grabbed the lube now. As much as he wanted to be inside of James, he wanted this to be as comfortable as possible for his lover.

Kendall squirted the liquid on his finger and between James' cheeks before working another finger inside.

"I'm gonna rub your prostate. It'll make you fly, but don't come. Tell me if you're going to."

"Yeah...yeah, okay. Already feel like I'm going to lose it, though." His voice sounded far away, like he was floating. His hips moved against the bed, and his eyelids fluttered when he glanced at Kendall over his shoulder.

"Ooh. Someone likes ass play."

"It's fucking incredible. Touch my prostate. Please let me feel it. I want to know everything with you."

Kendall curled his fingers the right way, reaching for that spot inside James that would blow his damn mind. When he found it, he teased it with the tips of his two fingers, and they both sighed in unison.

"So fucking hot inside you."

"I might never want you to pull out."

That was fine by Kendall. He took turns fucking James with his fingers and rubbing his prostate. He nibbled and kissed James' ass cheeks as he did so, feeling each of James' gasps as if they were his own.

When James thrust hard and his body tightened, a strangled, "Fuck...stop, you gotta stop or I'm going to blow my load," ripping past his lips, Kendall gently pulled out.

God, to feel it around his cock…

"Fuck me. Please, fuck me, Kendall."

"I will, Sweet Tooth." He kissed the small of James' back. "I'm gonna take care of you right now."

* * *

Anticipation strummed through James, a rock thrown into the water, small waves echoing out. He felt like he was unraveling, like Kendall had found a loose string and pulled, but it was both in a good way and a nervous one.

He wanted this, wanted it so fucking badly, he could hardly contain the energy bursting inside him, but there were nerves, too. He was about to be fucked for the first time. He'd have a dick in his ass, and as exhilarating as the thought was, his stomach rolled uncomfortably, too.

"How should I lie?" He asked. Christ, he sounded so needy and insecure.

"On your back. I want to see your face when I'm inside you."

He rolled over, keeping the pillow under his hips. The second his eyes clashed with Kendall's, he knew it was the right decision. He wanted to see Kendall's face, too.

"You're smiling."

"I want you."

Kendall returned his grin. "I want you, too."

His cock started to soften slightly, so James stroked it while Kendall ripped open the condom package and rolled the condom down his erection.

The _snap_ of the bottle opening practically echoed through the room. He watched intently as Kendall wet his erection, poured lube onto his fingers, and then rubbed James' hole. _My asshole...He's about to be inside my ass._

The truth was, he wasn't sure he'd ever wanted anything sexually more than he wanted this...to know what it was like to have Kendall inside him the way he was so often inside Kendall. Sex had always been so different for him that he craved this new aspect of it and all the ways he and Kendall could explore one another.

"Jesus, I can't wait to see you ride my cock. You're gonna ruin me, Jay. You know that? Fucking ruin me in the best way."

That made his chest swell and his heart race. Fuck yes, he wanted to ruin Kendall for anyone else because Kendall had already done it to him. "So nice of you to finally join me."

"Oh, check you out. That was smooth."

"I'm good. What can I say?" The joking helped ease his nerves. "Fuck me, Kendall."

"Gladly." Kendall was on his knees. He leaned forward, pushing James' legs open and up toward his chest. He felt himself clench in anticipation, and he figured that had to be a good sign. Kendall's fingers in his ass had been a welcome surprise. Like they were connected in ways that would never be severed. Plus, it just felt really fucking good, and he couldn't imagine how that pleasure would intensify when it was Kendall's cock.

He groaned when Kendall's mouth came down on his. Their tongues tangled, danced. James wrapped his arms around him as he felt Kendall's right hand slide down. When the tip of Kendall's cock pressed against his ass, James knew he was guiding it inside.

"Tighten up for me. Hold it as long as you can, and then let me know when you let go." Kendall told him, and James nodded.

He did as Kendall said, bearing down until it became too much.

"Now...right now." He said just as the stretching came and Kendall started to work his way inside.

"Fuck...fuck…" James' toes curled. He wasn't going to lie. It was...different. There was pressure and stinging, but then Kendall started kissing him again, and somehow that made the uncomfortable part start to ease up.

His tongue slipped into James' mouth as his dick, slowly, _so_ fucking slowly, entered his body.

He squeezed Kendall tighter, dug his nails into Kendall's back, and then his groin was pressed right against James' ass and he allowed himself to breathe.

"Fuck." He whispered breathlessly. The stretching was still there, the slight burn too, but knowing it was Kendall, feeling full of _him_ , was so goddamn sexy and right that it was James who started to move first. And when he did and Kendall's dick brushed against his prostate… "Fuuuuuuck." He groaned out.

"You like that?" Kendall smiled as he thrust slowly and pulled out again.

They were long, languid pumps of his hips that made James' skin burn and his dick ache.

"Yes...God, yes. Keep going."

Kendall burrowed his mouth into James' neck and fucked harder, faster, though not as hard or fast as James fucked him.

James' toes curled for a different reason this time as his body began to buzz.

"God, your hole. Feels so right squeezing my cock. So damn hot inside your pretty little ass."

Kendall's words made his head spin. Made this buzz zip through him with more intensity.

"I'm so hungry for you. Greedy for your cock. Gonna make you fill my ass every day." He tested the dirty talk on his tongue. He felt wanton and ravenous and like this right here-Kendall's hard length in his ass-was what he'd always been waiting for.

He wanted to yell at the top of his lungs, to beat his chest with the power that taking Kendall's dick made him feel.

James was sexual, passionate...in love.

"More." He begged again, and Kendall gave it to him. Their bodies slapped together, sweat slicking their skin. He held Kendall as tight as he could, dropped his head back, and closed his eyes as Kendall's cock rammed into him over and over in a delicious rhythm.

He was full, so damn full, like his whole body couldn't take anymore, but he wanted it.

"Harder."

"Fuck, you're killing me, Jay. You're like a little slut for my cock now."

He was, and he smiled at the thought-at being a slut for Kendall. At being so damn hungry for touch and intimacy that the name could apply to him.

Kendall knelt, pushed up and away from James, slamming into him harder with each thrust. "Jerk yourself off. Jesus, I need to see you come. Know it's my cock that made you do it."

"Yours." James replied as his body rocked with Kendall's thrusts.

"Your ass is mine. No one else will ever be inside it."

"No one." James repeated as his hand moved to his erection and he started to jack himself.

He only got a few strokes in before Kendall railed into him harder, brushed his thumbs over James' nipples, and said, "So beautiful...so mine."

James' body tensed, and within seconds, his orgasm hit him as Kendall continued to thrust into him. His body tingled, felt like it damn near burst and the wind was blowing away the pieces.

Above him, Kendall cursed and cried out as he let loose an orgasm of his own before falling on top of James.

They were a pile of sweaty bodies and heavy breaths, clutching and holding each other.

"That was…" James started. "I don't ever have words for what that was."

"Good, I hope."

"Not strong enough. Christ, I love you." He rubbed his hand over Kendall's sweaty head.

"I love you, too." He kissed the top of James' nose, then pulled out.

"I feel empty without you." James admitted. "Like something's missing."

Kendall tossed the condom into the trash, lay down, ad pulled James to his side, one leg thrown over James' hip. "You're going to be sore. I don't want to push you, but maybe this'll help with the emptiness." He brushed his thumb back and forth over James' tender asshole, just...stroking. Being touched by Kendall was his favorite thing. It was like he reached James' soul.

"That helps." He closed his eyes, resting his head against Kendall's chest. Kendall's gentle fingers tickling his hole made his heart slow and his body relax. "I think you should look into buying Round Table."

Kendall's fingers stopped, but he didn't pull his hand away. James wiggled his ass, and Kendall started moving again.

"You don't like that idea?" James asked.

"I love that idea. I thought about it earlier, actually. I loved bartending when I did it. I know how to run a business. I...Jesus, Jay. I think I want it, but I'm scared to hope for it. How do you know me so well? How do you get inside my brain?"

"Because we're weird. From the beginning, we sort of have been with each other." He'd never felt that connection with another soul, but it was there with Kendall.

"Yeah...yeah, we are." Kendall paused. James felt his chest rise and fall against his cheek. "Things are good... _too_ good….I can't help but expect it all to come crashing down. Nothing good ever lasts."

"This will. You deserve it." James kissed his chest.

"Thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?" James asked.

"For taking a chance on me...for being here...for everything."

"You have nothing to thank me for." They'd said those words to each other too many times to count.

They didn't move, didn't talk-just lay there holding each other, Kendall's gentle fingers lulling him to sleep.

* * *

 **Done! So, yeah...some intimate Kames this chapter. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! Another chapter should be up sometime this weekend, early next week at the very latest. :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hello again everyone! :D**

 **Before we get started with the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I'd also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, XxxAnimaniacxxX, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James pulled the deep fryer from the cabinet.

Kendall would be home from his appointment about Round Table soon, and he wanted to make sure he had hot, greasy french fries waiting for him.

He smiled to himself at the thought. They were...ridiculous, the two of them. One of those couples people teased because they were so sappy and crazy about each other.

It had been two weeks since New Year's, and he couldn't ever remember being happier. It was as if the final puzzle piece of his life had fallen into place when he'd thought the picture was already complete.

Life was funny that way...that something could be so incomplete and you not know it.

He loved laughing with Kendall, playing pool and pinball with him...fucking him and letting Kendall make love to him. Sex was explosive, and James couldn't help but tremble every time Kendall touched him.

Chuckling to himself, he shook his head.

"I am so fucking crazy about him." He said to himself.

He'd be lying if he didn't admit his brain was still plagued with doubt...with insecurity, too. That type of thing didn't just go away because you fell for someone. He'd spent most of his life feeling broken, like less of a man than he should be, for numerous reasons. Like he'd failed Steph by not being able to give her what she deserved. Like he'd failed Emma somehow, too.

As they always did, those thoughts left his chest feeling open-like there was a gaping wound he wanted to ignore and pretend wasn't there. It was easier that way.

He pulled the cutting board closer to him, having decided this would require something better than frozen fries, when his cell phone buzzed on the counter.

Thinking it was likely Kendall, James smiled as he reached for it. He stopped when he saw a number he still had memorized even after so many years. It hadn't taken seeing Stephanie's name flash for him to know who it was.

 _The baby… What if something happened to her baby again?_

His heart thundered, slamming violently against his chest as James fumbled the phone before swiping to answer.

"Steph? What's wrong? Is everything okay?" He hadn't even spoken to her since the divorce a few months after he left home, but his worry about her was fresh. She would always be important to him. The call sent fear ripping through him like it had somehow pulled him right into the past.

"Oh, James, thank God. I was afraid you wouldn't answer when you saw it was me. There's been…Your dad wasn't feeling well. It came on pretty quick. He went to the doctor, and they transported him to the hospital. He has some kind of infection that went to his spine. He's in surgery right now…" Stephanie's voice sounded muffled, like someone had stuffed cotton in his ears.

James felt dizzy, so he clutched the countertop. He and his father weren't close. They'd probably never see eye to eye on pretty much anything, but it was still his father. The father James hadn't properly talked to in months.

"Jay? Are you there?"

"Yeah." He managed to push from his lips. His father was in the hospital. Was that why he'd called a couple of times in the past few months? They didn't typically speak more than a couple of times a year. "Is he going to be okay?"

He held his breath while he waited for her to answer.

"Yes...they think so...but he is older and surgery is always a risk…"

"I'm...I'll be right there, okay? If he gets out of surgery, make sure he knows I'm on my way."

"Okay. I'll stay here until you come."

"I…" James started but couldn't find his words.

"I know, Jay. Just come. Your dad is all that matters right now."

She was right. Of course she was right. James ended the call and went straight for the stairs. He'd just hit the bottom when the front door opened.

"God, I'm fucking good. I-What's wrong?" Kendall asked when James turned to look at him.

He'd known...That quickly, he'd known something was wrong.

"I…"

What if he lost his dad?

"Hey...what is it?" Kendall asked, walking over. The second Kendall reached him, James' arms went around him, clutching his jacket on the back.

"My dad...there's something going on. Some kind of infection." Christ, he didn't even know what it was. "Stephanie called. He's in surgery right now. I...I have to go." He leaned his forehead against Kendall's. "I was going to make you french fries."

Kendall's hand fisted against the back of James' neck. "I don't need french fries. Jesus, I'm so fucking sorry. What do you need from me? Whatever you need, I'm here."

The truth was so fucking simple, yet incredibly complicated at the same time.

"You." He hadn't expected to ask Kendall to go with him. He didn't let himself think about the implications of bringing Kendall home-what Stephanie would think...what his father would think...well, he knew what his father would think. All that mattered at the moment was James' love for this man, and he couldn't do this without him. He didn't want to. "Can you come with me?"

He could see the shock on Kendall's face, but he only nodded. "Yes, of course I can. I thought that was a given." He kissed James' temple. They both knew Kendall was lying, that he hadn't expected James to ask, and James hadn't expected to d it. His dad would ask questions. They'd wonder why he was bringing a man with him, and there wasn't a part of James that thought they'd understand.

"Come on. Let's get packed. He'll be okay, Sweet Tooth. I know it, but the sooner we can get there so you can see with your own eyes, the better." Kendall took his hand, and James followed him up the stairs. It didn't take them long to throw some stuff in a few duffel bags, and then Kendall drove to the airport. On the way, he made a quick call to Dak, letting him know what was going on.

They were lucky to get a flight right away, but they hadn't been able to sit by each other. The space gave James' mind the chance to wander and worry-mostly about his dad. Christ, why had he been ignoring him? Or when he didn't, why hadn't he replied in more detail to the texts? The answer was simple and made guilt churn heavy in his gut.

James ignored him because he was weak. Because talking to his dad made Kendall more real and his past with Stephanie and her present more real as well.

That thought led him to Kendall, of course. The man was sitting eight rows behind him, only in the middle seat. The man he was crazy about, the man he didn't want to be without...and the one he wasn't ready for his father to know about, yet was bringing him home. What the fuck was wrong with him?

The plane landed, and it felt like it took a hundred years to taxi to the gate. James hurried off, bag slung over his shoulder, but waited outside the door for Kendall.

He shoved his hands into his pockets, pacing until he heard the voice that made some of the tension seep from his muscles.

"Hey. Come on. Let's get going."

James nodded, his chest too tight to speak. He walked with Kendall through the airport and down the stairs to rent a car.

"I'm going to call Steph real quick to let her know we're here." James told Kendall as they waited for their rental.

"Yeah, of course."

His hands shook as he pressed her name from his recent call list.

"Are you here, Jay?" She asked. Her voice made his skin prick uncomfortably.

"Yeah, I just landed. Waiting for the car, and then I'll be on my way. How his he?"

"He's out of surgery. They said it went well. They were worried about his spine. At this point, we're just waiting to see…"

Waiting to see what? If he could walk again? Was that what she was trying to say? The urge to vomit slammed into him. Christ, if his father was paralyzed…

"Jay? Are you there?"

"Yeah." He shook his head, refusing to believe his father wouldn't walk again. "I'll be there soon. Thanks, Steph. I appreciate you being there with him."

"Of course. You know...even though things ended with us, you'll both always be family to me. I know I likely haven't shown that over the past few years, but...well, now's not the time. Just get here to see your dad. I know he'll be so happy to have you home."

James locked eyes with Kendall as he approached, heart in his throat and scared out of his mind.

* * *

Kendall was trying to give James as much space as he could.

He knew what is was like to realize your parents were hurt-only for him, he'd been locked away and hadn't been able to be there.

He shook those thoughts. There was nothing he could do about that now.

He glanced over as James drove, hands fisted around the steering wheel. Unable to hold himself back, he reached over, touching the back of his neck.

James flinched, and Kendall told himself it was out of surprise, but he had a feeling it had more to do with being here, back home with his ex-wife and his father, and with Kendall in tow.

He went to pull away, but James' voice stopped him.

"No. Don't. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry."

"Yes, I do." James replied. "My head is all fucked up. I'm in a weird space right now, but it's not because of you, okay?"

It _was_ though, at least to an extent. This-their relationship-was so fresh and new, and now Kendall was going home with him. Under incredibly touchy circumstances. His dad was sick, his ex-wife was there, and James was coming home with a man for the first time.

Fuck, if James hadn't asked, if he hadn't needed Kendall, he sure as shit wouldn't have come.

But James _had_ asked. That had to mean something. Right?

He grazed the pads of his fingers along James' nape with soft brushstrokes.

"That feels good." James whispered. "I love it when you touch me. Makes me feel like I'm not alone."

Those words helped. The rock in the middle of Kendall's chest shifted, somehow lightened.

"I love touching you, and you're not. Alone, that is. As long as you want me, I'm here." He meant that. Down to his fucking bones, he meant it.

"I know." James glanced his way and smiled. "I want you. That won't change."

Kendall hoped not, and in a lot of ways, he didn't think it would, but wanting something didn't always mean you were okay with it. Just when he'd started to feel comfortable, life had a funny way of throwing a wrench into Kendall's world.

James exited the freeway. It was evening now, the sun having set not long ago. When they pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, he took his hand away.

He'd let James lead the show from here on out. He considered asking what the plan was, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"He's in recovery right now." James' voice cracked.

"He'll be okay." Kendall told him.

James nodded, but Kendall didn't think he believed him.

The parking lot was crazy full. They found a spot and made their way toward the sprawling building. His skin pricked uncomfortably as they went inside, then to the elevator. Every second that went by, his skin felt like it got tighter and tighter.

The doors opened right after a _bing_.

Kendall signalled for James to go out first, then followed.

"The recovery waiting room is this way." James said, his voice hoarser than it usually was.

They went partway down the sterile-looking hallway before turning and-

"James! Oh my god!" A brunette woman rushed them, throwing herself at James. He wrapped his arms around her, held her as they hugged.

She buried her face in James' neck and cried, big sopping tears that Kendall both felt and heard.

James rubbed a hand up and down her back, consoling her.

Kendall got it, of course he did. They'd been in love, married, they'd lost a child together, but he couldn't pretend his lungs didn't feel as if they were collapsing. As if the weight of what he saw didn't feel as if it were burying him.

And she was pregnant. He could see that with his own eyes, which meant she likely had a significant other. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if James knew. And what it did to him to hold her again with her stomach heavy with child.

It was Kendall this time who shoved his hands into his pockets as James often did. He leaned against the wall, waited, felt foolish and then angry at himself for the emotion.

Stephanie's eyes opened then, snagged on him, and he saw the shock there. She hadn't known they weren't alone.

"Look at us." She chuckled softly as she wiped her eyes and pulled away from James. "I'm sorry. I haven't seen him in a long time." She told Kendall. "Are you waiting for family, too?"

His gut clenched. His throat felt parched. He didn't need to see James' face to know the way his brows would be pinched together uncomfortably. Didn't need to feel him to know his body would be tense.

"He's with me, Steph." James' voice was broken, cracked like an old road with too many years of abuse by vehicles and the weather.

"Oh...I'm sorry. I didn't…" She obviously wondered why James had brought a friend with him for something like this. "Is this Dak? Your dad told me you worked with a guy named Dak and that you were good friends with him."

"No." He shook head. "This is-"

"Kendall." He stepped forward and held his hand out for her. "I'm a friend of James'. You must be Stephanie. I've heard a lot about you."

She gave him a happy, kind grin that Kendall felt. There was no doubt in his mind she was a good woman, a caring one. He could see it in her eyes. It was as if she and James had never been apart, as if they hadn't divorced and not spoken in years.

He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"I'm glad you could come with him. That's very nice of you." She didn't shake his hand, though. Instead, she stepped forward and hugged him, her pregnant belly against Kendall's, and all he could think about was the fact that she'd carried James' child before...Emma...and that the little girl was gone.

He cleared his throat.

"It's not a problem. I was happy to support him."

She pulled away, smiled again, and went back to James.

"It's so good to see you, Jay." She told him before hugging him again.

This time, James' eyes held Kendall's over her head, and damned if he didn't feel like he was being gutted.

* * *

After Stephanie updated him on his father's condition-luckily he'd called her when he'd known something was wrong-the three of them took up a corner in the waiting room and did exactly what the room was for-they waited.

Kendall sat across from him and Stephanie beside him. James shifted uncomfortably. He couldn't help it-his eyes were continually drawn to her stomach.

The roundness of it, the fact that she had a child inside her. He'd wondered if it would be like this, seeing her again. Even talking about her, which was why he'd avoided it with his father. It brought him back to years before when he'd seen her with their baby, and his chest ached.

James rubbed the back of his neck, caught eyes with Kendall but didn't let his linger.

"You can go if you want, Steph. I'll call you when he wakes up. I know you must be tired. You should get your rest." Because she was pregnant...with child.

Fuck, this was hard.

"No. I'm okay. I'd be a mess if I went home, and I don't want to make the hour drive this late anyway."

 _Shit_. He hadn't thought of that.

"I can get you a room."

She smiled.

"I can get myself a room, too."

He heard the strength in that statement. She'd changed, grown. She was more the woman she had been when they met than she had been when they seperated.

"So, how do you know James?" She asked Kendall. James didn't make eye contact.

"We have mutual friends. I was looking for a roommate when he needed a new place, so he rents a room from me."

It sounded so cold the way Kendall said it, but James would have likely worded it the same way if the positions were reversed. This wasn't the time or place to get deeper into who they were.

"And obviously the two of you have become good friends since you're here with him."

"Yeah." Kendall cleared his throat. "Of course. His, um...his friendship means a lot to me."

"And yours to him I gather." She reached over and squeezed James' knee. It was a friendly gesture but felt strange...odd because she didn't know who Kendall was to him.

"What do you do?" She asked next. It was just like Stephanie to try and fill the quiet with conversation. She'd always been good at that.

"I'm weighing my options right now. I just moved back to Lakeview a few months ago."

"He's looking into buying a local bar." James added. "The owner's wife is sick, and he's selling. It's been struggling a bit, but I think Kendall will bring it back to what it was before...likely even better. He's already shared quite a few ideas he has with me." His stomach flipped at his need to, well, almost defend Kendall. Not that he was being attacked, but James wanted Stephanie to know these things about Kendall.

"That's good. I really hope it works out."

"Thank you. I do, too." Kendall shifted, and James could see the tension in him. Knew his spine was rigid, his muscles tight.

"And what about you?" She put her hand on her stomach. "How are things going for you, Jay? It's been too long since we've spoken." There was a sadness to her voice then. His eyes darted to Kendall's, and James knew he heard it, too.

"I'm good. Not much is going on. Just working at the shop. I like it. Dak is great."

Stephanie continued to fill the silence. She spoke about home and how everyone was doing. She'd gotten a new job she loved at a medical clinic. She was almost finished with nursing school, which his father had told him.

Both James and Kendall listened as she spoke, answered questions and replied when it was appropriate, but that was about the end of it.

A few hours later, the nurse came out and updated them.

She said he was stirring and everything looked great, but it would better if they could wait until morning to see him. They agreed, and James again offered for Stephanie to go, but she stayed.

Soon, the three of them quieted. Kendall had his arms crossed, his legs stretched out in front of him as Stephanie rested her head on James' shoulder. She'd fallen asleep. He could hear it in the steady, even sound of her breathing.

His fingers twitched on his knee. He wanted to go to Kendall. To hold him, apologize, but he couldn't. Not just because Stephanie was leaning against him, but his father was sick, and being with a man wasn't something he could or wanted to explain in the middle of a hospital.

His eyes darted to Stephanie's stomach again.

James couldn't explain the emotion he felt seeing her pregnant. It made the memories push to the surface, the pain burn brighter again, despite the years that had passed. This was what they'd dreamed of together. It was what they'd lost, but now she'd found it again.

James closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and when he opened them, they locked on Kendall.

His boyfriend cocked his head and watched, looked deep, as though he was trying to see inside James, as though he wanted to know what he was feeling.

He had to sense James' unease, his confusing emotions. His father had gotten sick. He'd been thrown back into his old life, with his pregnant ex-wife and his new boyfriend. Still, the _last_ thing he wanted was to somehow hurt Kendall in all this. Maybe it had been selfish to ask him to come.

 _I'm sorry_ , he mouthed, and Kendall just gave him a sad smile. He didn't know what all he was apologize for: Stephanie resting on him, James not sharing who Kendall was to him, dragging Kendall here in the first place. He guessed all of it.

He held his breath as he waited for a response. Finally, what felt like a hundred agonizing minutes later, Kendall nodded.

 _I know_ , he mouthed back, and James could breathe again.

* * *

 **Done! So, some of you were wondering last chapter if things would come crashing down. Looks like you have your answer. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will pick up around where this one left off and will be up later this week!**

 **Until then! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back again with a new chapter!**

 **Before we get into this, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, Guest, winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, and XxxAnimaniacxxX for reviewing!**

 **This chapter is a little shorter than usual, but I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Excuse me? Mr. Diamond? Your father is awake and asking about you."

James' eyes popped open. Stephanie's head was still on his shoulder, and James' was leaned against the wall. Immediately, he looked for Kendall. His chest tightened and his heart raced when he wasn't in his chair.

"Where's-" He started just as Kendall walked into the waiting room, balancing three paper cups.

Stephanie woke too and sat up straight. "We can see him?" She asked.

"Yes, ma'am. He's been moved to the third floor. Room 3003."

"Okay." James stood. "Thank you."

The nurse disappeared, and Kendall stepped closer.

"I didn't know if you drank coffee or not, but I got decaffeinated just in case, with the baby and all." Kendall said as he handed a cup to Stephanie first.

"Oh my god. You're a lifesaver. Thank you. I don't drink anything with caffeine. It's not worth the risk." She took the drink. Kendall handed James his next.

"Thanks." James replied. "I guess we can go see him."

Discomfort slid down his spine. He always felt insecure around his own dad...always felt _less than_ , which was sad, but the weight weighed heavier on him in this moment. The guilt of ignoring requests to come visit and the fact that his dad would never understand the man standing in front of James right now and what he meant to James.

"I think I'll go and get a hotel room." Kendall said.

"What? Why? You don't have to go." A strange sort of panic he knew he shouldn't feel clawed at him.

"I'm going to go to the restroom before we head up. I'll be right back. This baby likes sit on my bladder." Stephanie set the coffee down and hurried out.

"You don't have to go." James said, but he knew Kendall would.

"Yeah, I do, Sweet Tooth. I don't belong in that room. I don't know your dad, and he sure as hell is going to wonder why I'm here, likely more than Stephanie already is. And I can't just sit out here and wait. I'm going to go and get some rest. I didn't sleep for shit last night. I can come back later or come get you if you want to get to the room."

James nodded, knowing it was the right decision but not liking it. Before Stephanie came out, he stepped forward, cupped Kendall's cheek and pressed their lips together once...twice...three times.

"I needed that." Kendall whispered.

"I did, too." James risked one more quick kiss before he pulled back. "I'm sorry." He said again.

"You don't have anything to apologize to me about."

It felt as if he did.

"Should I get more than one room?" Kendall asked, and James' spine went straight.

"No."

Kendall nodded, but James could tell Kendall didn't believe him. Before he could say anything else, Stephanie returned.

"Whew. That feels better. You don't know what it's like to have a baby crowding your bladder." But the way she said it, James could hear the love. She wouldn't have it any other way, and damned if that didn't send a piercing pain through his chest.

Where was her significant other, he wondered…

"I'll text you when I find a hotel. I'll grab somewhere close." Kendall said, pulling James from his thoughts.

"Yeah...okay." He slipped the keys from his pocket and handed them over. Their fingers brushed as he did so, sending a welcome trail of goosebumps up James' arm.

"It was great to meet you, Stephanie. I'm sure I'll see you later."

"Absolutely. It was great to meet you too, and thanks again for coming with James. It's good to know he's found such good friends in Lakeview."

There wasn't a doubt in James' mind she meant those words and that they came from her heart, but they made his gut twist. Kendall was more than his friend. Why couldn't he say that?

"Always." Kendall replied, and then without another word, he walked away.

XxX

"So all it took was a little infection to get you back home. I should have tried that earlier." James' father joked, his voice rough and raspy.

"This was more than a little infection, Dad." He replied.

"No comment on the other part?"

"Do we have to do this right now?" James countered. His body was heavy as though he wore weights on all his extremities.

This was their relationship. No matter what James did-became a mechanic like his father, try to make his father proud, try to be like him-none of it had ever been quite right. He was always a little too soft...a little too emotional...a little too weak. The happiest his father had ever been with him was when James was with Stephanie, but he knew his dad blamed the loss of that on him as well.

"I'm just happy James is here now." Stephanie said, trying to keep the peace between them as she always had. It had been an awkward trip up to his dad's room. He and Stephanie needed to talk about some things. They'd planned it after the visit.

His dad sighed as the nurse came in to take his vital signs, which gave them a small reprieve. When she left, James asked, "How are you feeling? The doctor said you could move your legs, which is a good sign."

His dad would be able to walk again, but it would likely take quite a bit of physical therapy. It was crazy how a person could be fine one day and need physical therapy to walk two days later. You never knew what life would throw at you.

"I feel like I just had surgery, is how I feel." He replied. "And I damn sure know I'll be walking again and soon."

That was his father. He never let anything put a doubt in his mind. James hadn't been as confident that way.

"I have no doubt about it, Dad." He couldn't help but wonder who would help his father in the meantime. He didn't have anyone other than James.

He shook those thoughts.

"I met one of James' friends." Stephanie said, and James bit his tongue to hold in his groan. "He brought his roommate, Kendall, with him. He's a really nice guy."

His father frowned. His eyes matched James'.

"Why would you bring your roommate with you?"

"Because he's my friend." James answered simply. _He's more than my friend. I'm in love with him, and I knew I would need him._

"This is family business. Why would you bring someone I don't know to see me like this?"

"Do you see him here?" James asked. "He came for me."

"Why would you need him? You have me and Stephanie."

Yeah, Stephanie. His ex-wife who was pregnant with another man's child…

"Does it really matter? Is there a limit of people I'm allowed to have who care about me?"

"It just doesn't make any sense. You don't come home for years, and when do, when I'm in the hospital, you bring some man home with you? You've moved on and now you care about these new people in your life more than you care about your family? I could see if it was a girlfriend or something, but it doesn't make sense." He rubbed a hand over his face, and James' skin felt too hot.

 _What about boyfriend, Dad? Would it be okay if I brought my boyfriend?_

"You act as if you called me every day. We rarely talk, and when we do, we fight. Can you blame me?"

"So? That's what family does sometimes. That's always been your problem, son. You run away from your problems. You ran from talking to me after I told you about Steph, and you ran from her, too."

James flinched, that last part like a punch to the gut.

"He didn't run from me, David. I pushed him away, and you damn well know it. Now isn't the time to rehash the past."

"Now's the best time since he's here. It's good, seeing the two of you together again." His dad replied just as James said, "Stop, Dad" and pushed to his feet.

"This right here is why we don't talk often. I'm hungry. I'm going to go downstairs and get some breakfast."

Maybe it was childish, but he walked out of the room. He wasn't surprised to hear footsteps and Steph's soft, "Wait" from behind him.

James stopped but didn't turn. He took a few deep breaths while his ex-wife caught up with him. "I hoped he would be different with you now."

"He'll never be different with me, Steph."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

Years ago, he would have. The words would have spilled past his lips to the only person he'd ever spoken to about his dad, but now? Now, he couldn't. It didn't feel right. It wasn't the same.

"Thank you, but right now I just want some more coffee and bad hospital food."

"Sounds like a plan, then." Stephanie smiled, and he remembered the effect it used to have on him. How contagious it had been. How good it had felt when he'd been the one to give it to her. He didn't get those same emotions anymore.

They made their way to the cafeteria and were lucky enough to find a quiet table in the corner.

Before he had the chance to steer the conversation into comfortable territory, she said, "I'm sorry, Jay. I'm sorry for how I acted back then...that I threw us away and wrecked something so incredibly beautiful."

Warmth spread through his chest. They really had been beautiful. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that they had been and that what they share was real.

"We can't just blame it on you. I didn't fight for us either." He pointed out.

"Yes, but you weren't the one that pulled away."

"Maybe I would have, eventually. You never know."

"You don't give yourself enough credit, and I think you give me entirely too much of it."

He chuckled softly at that but didn't feel the laugh.

"I was hurting." She said sincerely. "My head and heart were a mess. I wasn't in my right frame of mind. I went through a lot of therapy after you left. I'm sure your dad told you about it."

"He did." James nodded.

"That wasn't an excuse, because you were hurting, too. I'll never forgive myself for walking away from us like I did. I loved you. God, I loved you, James, but I didn't know how to love, not in that moment. I was too hurt."

Tears ran down her face, her eyes red and pained. James' chest squeezed; his heart broke as he thought about them...who they'd been, how they'd loved, and the beautiful girl they'd lost.

"I loved you, too." He replied because he had. "I loved you both."

"I go see her a lot...tell her about her brother. It's a boy, did you know?" She asked.

"No." He smiled. "I didn't know. I'll have to go see her before I leave." He needed that, he realized. He hadn't been to his own daughter's grave since he left.

"I wonder what she would have been like…"

James' eyes stung, but he rubbed at them before the tears could fall. "Stubborn like her mom, I bet."

They laughed, and it felt good to laugh with Stephanie again. It felt good to talk about Emma. She deserved that...for James and Stephanie to talk about her.

So they did. They wondered what color her eyes would have been. Stephanie said she thought she would have had James' smile because it was impossible to look at it and not be happy. He wasn't so sure of that, but it was nice to hear.

They wondered what her favorite color would have been, and James said he would have taught her how to work on cars. Everyone should know how, the thought-woman or man.

Some of the pain of the past lightened with each word, and a sort of peace James had thought he'd already found washed over him, letting him know he'd only buried his pain before.

They spoke about her for a good hour before they were quiet again.

"Maybe things would have been different if we could have done that years ago." She whispered.

"Maybe." James replied. "We might have lasted, or we might not have." They would never know. All that mattered was what had happened, and that they weren't together now.

"It feels like no time has passed. You're still my best friend." She reached over and squeezed his hand.

"I missed you." He replied, because he had. "Tell me about your boyfriend. Does he treat you well?"

She looked down, inhaled and exhaled slowly.

"There isn't a boyfriend. I met him out one night. We hit it off. He didn't live in town, but he was only about half an hour away. Anyway...I was the other woman for a few months and didn't know. I found out...His ex forgave him, and he doesn't want anything to do with the baby."

The urge to vomit slammed into James. His throat burned like bile had made its way up his esophagus.

"Christ, Steph. I'm so fucking sorry." She was going to be a single mom. She was alone…

"It happens. I'm certainly not the only woman who's dealt with this. I probably won't be the last either. I'll be fine." She put her hand on her stomach. "We'll be fine. I know we will. There isn't a doubt in my mind. My parents are moving back home to help me, too. I'll figure it out."

He had no doubt in his mind that she would. Stephanie would always make sure she took care of herself, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. That his chest didn't ache for her.

"I don't want you to do this. There's no reason to feel bad for me, okay? I'm going to have a baby, and we're going to be okay. I refuse to believe anything else." She smiled at him, but James couldn't return it.

Fuck, this day had been a lot...seeing Stephanie again, her baby, Emma, his dad, Kendall...all of it created a massive storm that washed away any logical thought. Nothing but emotion washed ashore.

"I'm getting tired. I think I'm going to head home for a few hours." Stephanie said.

"Can you give me a ride to the hotel?" He asked, his throat dry.

"Of course."

They went to say goodbye to his dad, but he was sleeping. James left a note and a message with the nurse. They were quiet as they made their way to the hotel Kendall had texted him with. Apparently, the key would be waiting for him at the front desk.

Then, he'd walk away from his ex-wife and go to his boyfriend. In that moment, he didn't know how he felt about anything.

* * *

 **Done! So...yeah. Not an easy time for James or Kendall.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! We'll get Kendall's POV next chapter, so you'll get to see what he thinks of everything. That will be up sometime next week.**

 **Until then! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hello everyone! A new chapter is here! It feels like its been forever since I've updated this, but its only been about a week. :P**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, XxxAnimaniacxxX, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Kendall's eyes burned. He felt like he had when he'd first moved to Lakeview and had been dealing with insomnia.

It had been hard to get much rest in the hospital last night. Even when he'd managed to force his eyes closed, his brain hadn't been able to shut down. No, it had stayed firmly with the man who had been sitting across from him with his ex-wife's head on his shoulder.

The situation was a tough one. He hadn't expected James to come here and announce that they were together, that he'd fallen for a man. Kendall wasn't that selfish, and he truly believed that was what a wish like that would make him, but he also hadn't had the time to consider how hard it would be. What it would feel like to see Stephanie with James and to know what they'd shared, what they'd lost.

It was obvious they cared about each other. He knew they'd been friends before they were lovers and that friendship had seemed to fall right back into place, but...fuck, had it made Kendall's chest ache.

He stood in front of the bathroom mirror with nothing on but a towel around his waist. He'd tried to sleep when he first got to the room, but it had evaded him, so he'd decided to shower. The warm water had helped slightly, but not nearly enough. Kendall rubbed the stubble on his face, considered shaving, but didn't have the energy.

Maybe he'd call or text James to check on him and his dad before he tried again to get some sleep. He didn't want to intrude, but he also wanted James to know he was there for him.

 _He has Stephanie there for him, too…_

Kendall groaned as he rubbed a hand over his face. He didn't like the jealousy mixing an ugly cocktail inside him. He'd never been jealous in his life.

Annoyed with himself for the self-pity, Kendall pushed away from the counter and opened the bathroom door, stumbling slightly as he took in the scene in front of him.

James sat on the bed, with his back to Kendall, hunched over, elbows on his knees and face in his hands. Kendall's heart sunk like an anchor.

"Hey...what's wrong? Did something happen?"

His legs were weak as he walked over and stood in front of James. Jesus, what if something else had gone wrong with his dad while Kendall had been here pouting?

"Talk to me, Sweet Tooth." Kendall said as he rubbed a hand over James' head, letting his fingers dance through the dark strands of hair.

That seemed to be all the initiative James needed. He wrapped his arms around Kendall's waist, pulled him close so Kendall stood between his thighs as James rubbed his cheek against Kendall's bare stomach.

"I need you." He whispered so damn softly, Kendall almost couldn't hear him. His heart broke with those words.

"I'm right here."

James' lips skated across his abs. His tongue traced the dips and valleys there before moving lower slightly.

Kendall groaned, his fist tightening in James' hair. His cock hardened instantly.

"I need you." James said again, tugging at the towel gently until it fell to the floor.

James' strong, calloused hands drifted down and cupped his ass as he sucked the head of Kendall's dick into his hot mouth.

"Jesus." Kendall gasped.

He didn't deep throat, didn't suck with skill, but it made Kendall's heart go crazy and his blood pump fiercely, and if he could, he'd spend the rest of his life with his dick in James' mouth.

He wanted to paint it with his seed as a reminder that it was his, that no man had ever had it or ever would. That _no one_ would have it again. James was his, and he wouldn't let him go.

"I love the way you feel." James murmured, nuzzling Kendall's erection. "The way you smell. The taste of your skin. I want your scent on me. All over me. I want to feel you everywhere."

Kendall's cock jerked.

"Fuck, I want that, too." He didn't know where this was coming from or what it meant, but it made his body buzz, made reality unravel until there was nothing but this moment between the two of them.

"I want to get lost in you, Kendall. Just need to get lost in you until there's nothing else but us."

He couldn't help but smile at that. They were always on the same wavelength with their thoughts.

Kendall hooked his finger under James' chin, tilted his head up, and wiped one lone, stray tear that leaked from his left eye.

"You take whatever you need from me. I'll give it." As he looked into James' hazel eyes, Kendall knew he'd give him anything. He'd sell his fucking soul to make James happy.

James kicked out of his shoes and pulled his shirt over his head, tossed it away. He shoved to his feet, arms tangled around Kendall like he had more than two of them, as though he was touching Kendall everywhere.

Their mouths came down hard on each other, tongues stroking as hungry groans emanated from their throats. He ate each of James' sounds and fed James his as those rough hands traveled up and down his back, his ass, fingers dipping into the valley between his cheeks.

Blunt nails dug into his skin, teeth nipped at his lip. James was rougher, needier than he usually was, and it made Kendall's head spin in the best way.

He always knew James was big on touch. He loved for Kendall to touch him and loved to explore Kendall, but this was different. It felt like both surrender and possession. Owning and taking, and Kendall would gladly do the same-take and give.

James turned, pushed Kendall to the bed, and straddled him, still with his pants on. His mouth crashed to Kendall's again as if he couldn't get enough of him, as though he was starving and Kendall was his nutrient. As if he couldn't breathe and Kendall was his air. He wanted to inflate James' lungs and feed his stomach and provide whatever it was that James needed.

He felt a tear land on his cheek, and he pulled back to see James' soft, sweet face that in this moment, didn't look as innocent as it usually did. He looked scared. The tear was another stray-as if he was holding back.

"You can let go with me, Sweet Tooth."

"I know." He kissed his way down Kendall's stomach, knelt on the floor between his legs, and nuzzled his face between Kendall's thighs. "I know." James whispered again. "Want to taste you." He licked Kendall taint, making him buck his hips. "I need to know what your hole feels like around my tongue."

"Fuck, James. You're killing me. Yeah...yeah, you can have whatever you want."

James stood and shucked his pants as Kendall positioned himself in the middle of the bed, lying on his stomach. He spread his legs, lifted his ass, reached back, and spread his own cheeks.

He rubbed his rim with a finger, James' eyes burning through him before he had his clothes off, crawled onto the bed, and replaced Kendall's finger with his tongue.

"Yes...God, I love that." Kendall's heavy-lidded eyes rolled back as he bucked against the mattress, needing friction on his cock.

"It always amazes me how small it is...how tight. That I'm able to fit inside you. It tastes good, too...like you." James licked at him again, flicked his tongue back and forth over Kendall's hole. James made hungry, greedy sounds, bit Kendall's ass cheek, and then tongued him again.

Then he felt James' finger pushing inside.

"Fuck, Kendall. You make me crazy. How do you make me so crazy? I don't know how…"

He didn't finish, and that scared Kendall. He didn't know how to what? Walk away? Stay with Kendall? Was this some kind of goodbye?

"You tensed up." James said.

"Keep going." He fought to shove any doubt from his mind. Right now, he just needed this moment with James.

James alternated between fingering him and licking him. He moaned against Kendall's hole when he got his tongue inside. His nails dug into Kendall's ass again as he hungrily dug his tongue as deep as he could.

He cried out when James pulled away. But James only leaned forward, on his hands and knees, pressing a soft kiss to Kendall's shoulder.

"I need to be inside you. God, I need it."

This was about more than just sex. Kendall could hear it in the scratchy sadness in James' voice. It was about connection, about _feeling_ , about being grounded in a way, to one moment so you could forget any other existed.

He wanted to give that to James, but it scared him, too. The ache in James' voice, the confusion, made him fear what came after right now.

Still…

"I need it, too." He replied. He really fucking did because he was hurting. He was afraid.

James kissed his shoulder again, then stood and rummaged through Kendall's bag until he found a condom and lube. He was so fucking beautiful-lean and strong.

"I love you." Kendall couldn't hold back the words.

"I love you, too." James rolled the condom on, then lubed his dick. He climbed over Kendall, pushed Kendall onto his side so his back was to James.

Kendall bent his top leg forward as James rubbed lubed fingers against his hole. Then it was his dick pushing in as his body was tightly wound around Kendall's, skin-to-skin.

More kisses to his shoulder as James worked his way in slowly, so fucking slowly like he wanted it to last. When his groin was against Kendall's ass, his dick buried deep, he stayed still.

"I wish I could stay right here. That we never had to move."

Another kiss.

But then he did move; he pulled out and thrust forward again. They were long, slow strokes, his tongue and lips licking and kissing Kendall's shoulder.

Kendall's body welcomed it, savored James inside him. Sweat broke out across his skin, their bodies slicked together.

James rubbed his face against Kendall's cheek and whispered, "I'm glad you didn't shave."

"I almost did."

"I love the way it feels."

The thrusts began to speed up, slam harder. They felt like desperation. He clung to Kendall, bucking hard, breathing harder.

James rolled them, got Kendall onto his stomach, wrapped his forearms under Kendall, and pushed in as deep as he could go.

The friction of the bed on Kendall's cock, the weight of James on his back, and the stretch of his hole made his body tingle and burn.

"God, you feel so good."

"You too. So hot inside you. Feels like you were made for me."

James pressed another kiss to Kendall's shoulder before he just fucked. Their bodies slapped together, slick with sweat, and Kendall felt the urge to come getting closer.

James shoved his hand beneath them, tried to fist Kendall's dick, but it didn't quite work.

"Shit...I can't…" Then he thrust hard, squeezed tight, pressed his teeth into Kendall's neck. His cock swelled in Kendall's ass, and he knew James had come.

"Fuck...I'm sorry." He said as he pumped his hips through his orgasm, each buck of his hips pure pleasure.

"Don't be sorry...wanna come in your mouth."

James pulled out, rolled over, and tried to take Kendall with him. Kendall straddled James' chest, fed him his dick, making love to his mouth the same way James had just done to him.

James' eyes watered slightly, and Kendall didn't know if they were tears or if he was being too rough. He tried to pull back, but James grabbed his ass, held him in place-once, twice, he thrust again and again until his body came apart and let loose as he spilled his load into James' mouth.

When he pulled out and fell down on the bed next to James, Kendall couldn't help but fear it might be the last time.

* * *

James didn't know what had come over him.

It had to have been a combination of everything: his father, Emma, Stephanie, her pregnancy, being back in California again.

His head was a mess, a maze he was lost in. At the end was Kendall, but he just couldn't get to him. It had suddenly felt as if there were a hundred things in their way, but he knew there shouldn't be.

What had changed for James, other than the fact that his dad was sick? Yes, that was major in itself, but he couldn't make sense of why it affected his thoughts about Kendall, outside of just knowing his dad would lose his mind about him.

All he'd know was that he'd needed Kendall. Even now, after they'd come down, he'd gotten rid of the condom, and they lay in bed, James clung to him. He was afraid to let him go, as if Kendall would slip away if he did.

He had his head on Kendall's chest, Kendall's heart beating in his ear. They were still naked, now under the blankets with James' leg thrown over him and Kendall's arm around him. They'd turned out the lights, and the hotel room was so dark, you'd think it was night.

"Did something happen?" Kendall finally asked. He'd been waiting for it.

"With my dad? No, not really. He's okay. He can move his legs. He'll have to have rehabilitation to walk well again, but he's a stubborn man. I have no doubt in my mind that he will."

And that was the truth. There was nothing his dad couldn't do. He was strong as steel.

"We fought." James added. "Actually, I don't even know if you can call it a fight. It's just typically how we communicate. We don't understand each other, and he considers our differences my weaknesses. It's hard to explain."

His father loved him. James knew that. He had never been physically or emotionally abusive. They'd spent time together growing up-fishing and working on cars. There was just always this emotional block between them, this undercurrent that kept them separated and almost at odds with each other.

"I'm sorry." Kendall said before he kissed his forehead.

He thought about how his dad would react if he knew James was in bed with Kendall right now...knew that it would enforce the wall, build it higher, and the thought made his chest feel hollow.

"I'm sorry, too." James said before squeezing closer to Kendall like he could crawl inside him. He wrapped his body around Kendall tighter as fingers danced up and down his spine. "I'm sorry I didn't tell Stephanie about us."

"You have a lot on your mind." Kendall replied.

"That's not an excuse, and it doesn't make it okay. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I just feel so...raw right now. It's like everything is hitting me at once-my past is colliding with my present. My memories are ripping to the surface. I see…" He closed his eyes and took a few breaths.

"I see Steph, and I think of what we had...who we were. I see her belly, and I think of Emma."

That was normal, right? He knew it had to be. He didn't want Stephanie back. He loved Kendall...but it had felt good to see her again. To talk to her again. It hurt too because of what they had lost, and that was tied in with Stephanie being pregnant.

All those things sat heavy in James' chest, this mass of too many different emotions, which left him with confusion. And a lot pain, if he was being honest with himself.

"I think...I think that makes sense. You loved her. You planned a life with her. You were going to start a family with her, and now you're with a man for the first time, and she's starting a family with someone else. You're dealing with that, on top of your dad. Of course you're struggling, Sweet Tooth."

He smiled a little into Kendall's chest.

"I like that you still call me that."

"Good, because I don't plan to stop."

They were quiet for a moment, and James let Kendall's heartbeat continue to relax him.

"The father...he doesn't want to be a part of her life. He was married...has another family. She didn't know. She's going to raise him on her own." That could change, likely _would_ change. He understood that, but still…

He felt Kendall's heart speed up, heard the beats run faster and faster.

"That...that has to be hard for her. Scary."

"Yeah, but she can do it. I know she can." But he did hate that she had to. "Anyway." James shook his head. "I think it just mostly makes me think of what we lost. Makes me wonder what our daughter would have been like. I think that's what hit me so hard. Life is never what you thought it would be." Which wasn't necessarily a good or bad thing. Just a true one.

"No...no it's not."

He knew Kendall understood that. His life hadn't gone as expected either.

"I'm so tired." James' eyes fluttered as he breathed Kendall in.

"Go to sleep." Kendall's voice sounded far off...broken. "I'm right here."

Again, James smiled against Kendall's chest, and as always, Kendall brought the peace he needed, and James drifted off to sleep.

XxX

Things had been awkward since they woke up.

Kendall was quieter than usual, and nothing James said seemed to bring him out of his shell. His answers to everything James asked were short, sharp, each one pricking James and annoying him more.

Didn't he have enough to deal with without adding a pissy Kendall, too?

He'd slept longer than he'd planned, so he'd felt in a rush when he'd showered and dressed.

Kendall had just finished tying his shoes when James' phone rang. He picked it up and saw Stephanie's name on the screen.

"It's Steph," he told Kendall and then answered, "Hello?"

"Hey. I wanted to let you know I just got back to the hospital. No rush to come if you're still tired. I just thought you might want to know I was here with him."

 _Well, shit._ Now he felt like an asshole. Stephanie was pregnant, but she'd made it back before he did.

"You didn't have to go back. I'm sure you have stuff to take care of. You have to be exhausted."

"I'm doing okay." Stephanie replied. "You know your dad is like a second father to me." Which was true. His dad had always loved Stephanie, and though she got annoyed with him because of James, she'd always loved James' dad, too.

"We're almost done here. We'll be there in a few minutes." They said their goodbyes, and James ended the call. "She's already there. Are you ready?" He asked Kendall.

Kendall looked at him and frowned.

"I don't think I should go, James."

"What? Why?" His heart raced uncomfortably.

"Because I don't belong there? Because your dad doesn't know me? Because I'm your secret boyfriend and me being there is going to bring up all sorts of questions you're not ready to answer? I'm not going home. I'll stay here, but I don't belong at the hospital. Plus"-he shrugged-"you have Stephanie there."

"That's not fair." James snapped more sharply than he'd planned. Kendall had said it almost as if it was an accusation. He couldn't help that his ex-wife was close to his dad, or that he still cared about her, even just as friends.

"You're right. It's not." Kendall sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm doing my best here."

"I am, too." James replied. Hell, maybe Kendall was right. Maybe he shouldn't go...but James wanted him there. It brought him comfort to know Kendall was close. "You don't have to go."

"No." Kendall shook his head. "I'll be okay. Just a little tired and grumpy still."

His voice didn't sound right. James stood, walked over, and said, "You don't have to. I'm not trying to be unfair to you, but maybe I am. I just…" He needed Kendall, but he was confused, too.

"I'll go. That's what I came for. I'll play the perfect, close friend, but not too close. Maybe you brought me because I've never seen California before? That makes sense." Kendall pulled away and jerked his hoodie on. His voice was off, his words slightly clipped.

"I'm trying here, Kendall."

He sighed. "I know, Sweet Tooth. I'm trying, too."

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like Kames are still struggling a bit, which makes sense, given the circumstances.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/chapter!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter of this will more than likely be up within the next few days! Also, it may or not be the final chapter. :P**

 **Until then! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hello everyone! We've made it to the final chapter of Colors!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, RainbowDiamonds, and XxxAnimaniacxxX for reviewing and sharing your thoughts throughout the story. :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Was it possible to feel as if he was being unfair to James while James was being unfair to him at the same time? All Kendal knew was those were the exact thoughts going through his head on the quiet drive to the hospital.

He knew this wasn't the time to push James. He knew this whole situation was out of James' control. That there was a time and place for everything, and springing a boyfriend in the hospital wasn't that time.

But he also thought James should see how he felt. That this was hard on him, waiting in the wings, being here for James but not allowed to fully be there for him because no one could know who he was. Seeing him with Stephanie, and Stephanie not knowing who Kendall was to him either.

That was the hardest part because there was a quiet truth in Kendall's brain since they'd spoken this morning.

She still cared about James-maybe still loved him. They'd been happy...and maybe they could be happy together again. She could give James the life he'd seen for himself, the things he'd wanted, in a way that Kendall couldn't.

They were down the hall from the room when Kendall stopped. James took another few steps, then did the same, looking back at him.

"Are you coming?" James asked.

He couldn't. He really didn't think he could fucking do it.

"My stomach is a little upset. I think I might go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat first. Do you mind?"

James walked back to him. "Are you okay?" He asked before reaching for Kendall, then stopping himself.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just hungry." He wasn't okay at all.

"You should get some food, then. I want...I want to introduce you to him."

Kendall wanted to meet him as well, but he wished to God he could do it as James' boyfriend. He'd never had that, not with his parents or anyone else's.

"I won't be long." They were close. He could smell James, and Jesus, he wanted to reach for him, to kiss him. Wanted to claim James as his.

James gave him a sweet smile, looking like he wanted the same thing. It was there between them still-the connection. Kendall could feel the air zap with it.

Just as he thought James was going to lean forward and take his mouth, there was a noise.

They both snapped their heads up at the same time to see Stephanie standing outside the doorway of the room, looking at them.

"I didn't mean to interrupt. I thought I heard your voice, Jay."

James cleared his throat. "You didn't interrupt. Kendall needs some food. He's going to run downstairs real quick."

"I'm actually hungry, too. Do you mind if I go with you, Kendall?" She asked, walking toward them. "That'll give you some time alone with your dad, James."

He saw James bite back a frown. It hurt Kendall, while he felt the same way, too. He didn't want to share a meal with James' pregnant ex-wife. He didn't want to like her.

"Yes, of course. We'll see you soon, James." He said.

Stephanie smiled at James and then joined Kendall. He could feel James' eyes on them as they walked down the hallway and back to the elevator.

They were quiet until they got to the cafeteria and Kendall held the door open for her.

"Thank you." She said.

"Not a problem."

They got sandwiches and chips before finding a table. Luckily, the cafeteria wasn't busy since it wasn't a typical mealtime.

They sat, and Stephanie immediately started talking about James, his dad, her job-anything and everything. She was kind and friendly. There wasn't a doubt in Kendall's mind that she was a good woman, and part of him hated that.

He wanted her to be a bitch, to not deserve James. He didn't want to see how happy they had been or know that if the situation was different, they could be happy again. Hell, maybe the situation didn't even have to be different.

James had no ties to Lakeview. Not really. Just himself and a couple of friends. He had Stephanie here, the place he'd grown up, his father. James was a great guy, and Kendall wasn't stupid. If his dad was going to need rehab...would James have to stay to help?

All those thoughts soured his stomach and made it hard for him to eat, even though he truly was hungry.

The more she spoke, the more he liked her and the angrier he became.

She was… He could see James with her. They'd been dealt an unfair hand. Their relationship had suffered for it. Would they want to try again? Why in the hell were his thoughts going this way?

Mixed in with everything else was the fact that he also knew she'd hurt James. She'd ended them for something that wasn't his fault, and Kendall knew what that had done to him.

"I'm sorry. I've been talking your ear off. Tell me a little about yourself. You're looking to buy a bar, right? Is that always what you've done?" She asked.

"No. I actually haven't bartended in years. Before that, I was in prison." He'd said it to be mean...to make her uncomfortable, to make her look at him differently so she wouldn't seem so perfect.

He wasn't proud of himself for that, but it was the truth. There would always be a small part of him that felt unworthy because of where he'd been.

"Oh...I…" She sighed and then pushed her plate away. "Are you in love with James?"

He was so surprised by that, his damn heart stopped beating.

And he couldn't deny it. Maybe that made him an asshole, but he couldn't.

"Yes."

"He's in love with you, too." Kendall shook his head, ready to tell her they couldn't have this conversation. It wasn't fair to James. But she continued before he could.

"You don't have to answer that. I'm sure you want to be loyal to him, but I don't need you to answer it. I know him. James has always been all heart. The second I realized you were here with him, I wondered. He wouldn't have brought you if you weren't special to him, but he would have needed you if you were."

And somehow...those words helped. They released some of the tension inside him.

He thought of how close she'd stayed to James, as if they'd been attached, how she'd slept with her head on his shoulder, and said, "You didn't act like you knew."

"I wasn't sure...I didn't know he was bisexual, if that's what he is, so I wasn't positive, but the way he talked about you yesterday...the look he gave you when you left...those made me wonder more. Once I saw you in the hallway today, I knew. He looks at you like you're his entire world, and I know what it's like to see that in his eyes."

Because he used to look at her that way. Did he still? Could he again?

"So, you can be angry or scared or hurt. You can tell me you've been in prison for whatever you hoped to accomplish with that, but I've seen how James looks at you, so I know you're a good man."

 _Well, shit._ That put a different spin on things, brought some needed clarity, but didn't completely clear the fog in his brain.

"He loved you, too."

"Past tense being the important part. Does he love me? Yes. Is he _in_ love with me? No."

"How do you know?" He asked her. "And are you in love with him?"

She shrugged. "Part of me always will be, I think. If there was no _you_ , would I want to try again? I don't know. We've been through a lot. There's a great deal of pain between us, and I don't think we could ever be the same.

I know what I did. I know I was hurting and pushed away the best thing that had ever happened to me. I know that in my grief, I devastated a good man, but maybe everything really does happen for a reason. Maybe somehow, some way, all of it happened so he could find you and I could have my son. As sad as it is, as much as I hate losing Emma and will never be over it, maybe she's looking at us from wherever she is and saying... _finally_."

His damn eyes started to burn at that. Jesus...this woman was incredible.

"It feels good...to see James happy again. To know he has someone. And even though this isn't the way I planned to have another baby, I'm happy, too. If you're worried, I just wanted you to know you have nothing to fear from me being in James' life again. Even if I wanted him, James doesn't work that way. Once his heart is in, it's in. There's not a doubt in my mind that you have his."

Kendall let his gaze settle on her, waiting until hers locked with him.

"Thank you. All I want is for him to be happy."

She smiled. "That makes two of us."

The only question was, could Kendall really make James happy? Was Kendall who he would continue to want? He sure as hell hoped so.

* * *

"Why are you so distracted? You look like it's torture to be here." His father said, his voice still rough but soft.

He was obviously not feeling great, which was a ridiculous thought since he'd just had surgery. Of course he wasn't feeling well.

"I just have a lot on my mind, Dad, that's all." Like Kendall and Stephanie. He hadn't stopped thinking about them since they went downstairs…-he glanced at his phone-over an hour ago. What were they doing down there for so long?

And his father, too. It was a strange feeling seeing such a strong man in a hospital bed. He was rough around the edges, hard. He'd always been harder than James.

He'd lived through losing his wife to cancer, losing a granddaughter, raising a son on his own, almost losing his business once because of the economy. This was the first time he'd needed something, and James didn't know how to deal with that.

"It's good...seeing you with Steph again."

"Dad. Don't." James told him.

"I damn well will if I want to. I can say I like seeing something. She's a good girl, always has been. She's the best thing that's happened to you, and I hated to see what happened to both of you."

"Both of us? Obviously, the loss of Emma, but you didn't approve of how I handled life afterward."

"No, I didn't. You should have fought harder for her. She was your wife."

What he didn't say but James heard was, _I would have fought harder for your mom._

"But she's not anymore, so why are we doing this?" He asked. "It was four years ago. We've moved on. We're both happy. She's having a baby."

"Alone. She's having a baby alone."

He hadn't been sure if his father knew that part, but it looked like he did.

"And I'm sorry for her about that, but people do it all the time. Give her some credit. Steph is a strong woman."

"I know she is." His dad sighed. "I just...I miss you, son."

James' eyes snapped to his father's. His dad didn't say things like that. Ever.

"I know I don't always show it, and I sure as hell don't say it, but...I miss you. Almost dying opens a man's eyes. I know we've never gotten along well. We don't get each other, and I tend to lash out at you because of my own failures as a father, but I miss you...I want you happy. Steph made you happy, and maybe you could have that again."

The truth was, maybe he could.

If they both wanted to try, James believed that he and Stephanie could possibly find happiness again. Just the way they'd fallen back into step together showed him that. He could come home, he could try again with his wife, he could have a family, he could try to fix things with his father.

But in all that, he would lose the man he loved. He would lose Kendall. James couldn't do that. He couldn't walk away.

Kendall meant more to him than the rest of it. He was James' heart, and that wouldn't change.

"I'm not in love with Steph anymore. I don't want to be in love with her anymore. I'll always love her and she'll always be part of my life, but our relationship is over. I'd like to try to build one with you, though."

His dad paused, and damned if his chin didn't start to quiver.

"When I was surgery...I know I was knocked out, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I swear to God, James, I saw your mom. And Emma. She was with her." His father swiped at his eyes, and James realized he was crying.

It was the first time in his life he'd ever seen his father cry. Not when his mom died, not when they lost Emma. It was something he'd always kept to himself.

"I looked at your mom...at your baby girl. I tried to get to them, but every time I walked closer...they got farther away. I could hear her, though. I know it sounds crazy, but I could hear her in my head, son. She asked about you, and just the way she said it, I knew she was disappointed in me. She was disappointed in how I raised you after she was gone. In our relationship. I realized I was disappointed, too."

He wiped tears from his eyes again, and James did the same.

Out of everything they'd lived through, this was the only time he'd cried with his father. How sad was that? He'd just given in...accepted it the same way he accepted everything in life.

"It wasn't just you. I'm guilty, too. I didn't try either."

"Yeah, but we both know it was mostly me. When I saw you yesterday...I was mad at myself-because of you and because of your mom. I took that out on you like I always do, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything, son, and I want to start over. Whether you're here or in Lakeview, I want a better relationship with you, and I want you to be happy."

James' hands shook. His chest ached...but he knew he had to do this. He _wanted_ to do this.

He wouldn't accept less that he and Kendall deserved, and he wouldn't let Kendall either. If they were going to start over, they had to be honest with each other.

"Even if what makes me happy is being with another man?"

He could see the shock in his dad's face. His eyes widened, and James saw his heart rate increase on the machines behind him.

Still, he'd immediately expected his father to lash out, but he hadn't. He'd expected to feel as if he'd let his father down, and he hadn't felt that either. He was being true to himself and the man he loved, and James took pride in that.

"You're gay?" His dad asked. "What about Stephanie?"

"I loved her. I was attracted to her. You can call me gay or bisexual if you need to label it that way to understand it. But now I love Kendall, and I'm attracted to him. That's all that matters to me."

To some, he would be gay, to others, bisexual. James wasn't ashamed of those things. People could call him gay or bi, and he would wear those labels proudly if others needed them.

But he was demisexual. He knew that, but for him, none of it mattered. What mattered was that he'd loved Stephanie before...and now he loved Kendall. Nothing else was important.

Everyone had the right to identify how they wanted or choose whether or not they wanted to label themselves. To each their own. That was the way the world was supposed to work, right? James just knew he loved Kendall, he was in a relationship with him, and he planned to stay in one.

"You're happy? This...man makes you happy?" He asked.

"Yes. It's like...like I spent most of my life seeing in black and white. Hell, maybe all of it, and now, with him, there's color. He colored me in." And he knew he did the same for Kendall.

Maybe others wouldn't understand. Maybe they wouldn't accept it, and hell, maybe he was sappy as hell now. Whatever it was, this was how he felt, and he wouldn't hold it back anymore.

"Good...that's good. It'll take some getting used to, but I meant what I said. I don't want to be a disappointment to you or your mom anymore."

With that, James could breathe.

He wasn't stupid. He knew there would be a serious adjustment period. Things wouldn't always be easy. His father would mess up. James would mess up, but he'd also push forward. As long as he had Kendall, he'd be okay.

"Thank you." He leaned forward and gave his father a hug. He couldn't remember the last time they'd hugged. Had they even when they lost Emma? He didn't know.

When they pulled away, there a soft knock on the door. He waited for his dad to wipe his face, and James did the same.

When they were finished, he called out, "Come in," then stood up.

Stephanie stuck her head inside the door.

"Do you guys have room to two more?" And just the way she said that, James could tell that she knew about him and Kendall.

"We do." He replied as he walked over. He reached for Kendall's hand, saw his head cock in response, but Kendall didn't pull away. He let James lead him to the bed. "Kendall's not my boyfriend. David is my dad. Stephanie's my ex-wife."

James could see the confusion from Stephanie and his dad, but right then, he didn't care. He knew Kendall would get it and knew it would make him happy.

"Two Truths and a Lie…" Kendall whispered.

"Yeah." James looked at his father, ready to say what everyone in this room knew, but needing to claim it out loud. "Dad, this is my boyfriend, Kendall. Kendall, this is my dad, David."

James felt Kendall's hand tremble in his.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." Kendall said, his voice an octave higher, likely in surprise.

His dad cleared his throat, paused and for a moment, James held his breath.

When his dad replied, "It's a pleasure to meet you, too," he knew everything would be okay. Not perfect, not one hundred percent fixed with this one moment, but they were on the right track.

He and his father had a lot to work through. He had a lot to put to rest with Stephanie, too...and he wanted to take Kendall to see Emma, but somehow, he knew they right where they were supposed to be.

Somehow, he knew they would all be okay.

* * *

Kendall stood behind the bar at Round Table toward the end of their grand reopening.

The bar had been packed all night, so full that they'd reached capacity. It was likely because they'd opened with half-priced drinks, but Kendall was telling himself it was a sign of what was to come.

The past six months had been crazy.

He and James had spent another week in California, James working on building a healthy, solid relationship with his father. Kendall knew him so much better now as well.

As much as neither of them saw it, James and his dad were similar. They both loved really fucking big, his dad never recovering from losing his wife, and also in how he loved James.

The difference was, he didn't know how to show it and oftentimes tried not to feel it so he wouldn't get hurt. That hadn't done him or James any good, but they were on the mend now. They still had their moments, but it was much better than it had been.

That week had also been spent with Stephanie. Kendall loved the woman like a sister. He could see why James loved her so much. She was strong and had a big heart, and she would forever be a part of their lives.

A couple of days before they'd left California, James and Stephanie had planned to go see Emma together.

Kendall had figured he should give them their space, but they wouldn't have it.

" _James loves you. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you. That makes you her stepdad, and she needs to meet you."_

He would never forget those words from Stephanie when he tried to stay back.

It had been hard...seeing them here, at her grave, knowing what they'd lost, but he would cherish the memory as long as he lived and would forever be grateful to be a part of it.

James had made numerous trips back to California since they got home, most of them with Kendall along. They'd seen his father through rehabilitation, watched him learn to walk again, and had gone down to support Stephanie after the birth of her son-Jacob.

Somehow, in the middle of all hat, Kendall had bought a bar, remodeled it, and planned the grand opening.

"Holy shit, Round Table was always the most popular bar in town, but this is crazy, Kendall! I've never seen it like this." Lucy slipped beside him to make another drink.

He'd kept all the staff, of course.

"That's a good thing." He told her.

"It is, but man, my feet are killing me. I don't have a man to massage them for me like you do." She teased.

Yeah...yeah, he did.

There was a loud laugh at the end of the bar. Kendall would know that sound anywhere. He looked over to see James cracking up at something Dak or Jett said. The other two men sat beside him, all three with empty beer bottles in front of them.

Kendall's heart jumped into his throat just looking at him, hearing his laughter through everything else in the building. Jesus, he was so fucking crazy about his man.

"I'm gonna go grab them a refill." He squeezed Lucy's arm and then made his way to where his boyfriend sat with their friends. "I see how it is-all laughs and a good time while I'm working my ass off back here."

"You love it." James teased before leaning over the counter and pressing a kiss to Kendall's lips. There was never any hesitation now where that was concerned. Everyone knew they were together, and both of them claimed it proudly.

"Yeah, I do." Kendall admitted. He really fucking loved it.

"We're talking about the wedding. Annie's going a little crazy with the plans."

Dak had proposed to Jett two months earlier. The wedding wasn't until next year, but it was still a hot topic of conversation-at least with Dak's mom.

"She's excited. You can't blame her. Sweetie's getting married." Kendall teased, and Dak flipped him off.

Kendall playfully swatted at his hand.

Annie was doing even better than she had been when Kendall moved back. They actually brought her down to the bar, along with Carlos and Logan, to see it before they'd opened today. She wouldn't have been able to handle it filled to the brim with people, but she'd wanted to see it.

"You guys want another beer? I need to get back to work."

Dak and Jett both shook their heads, likely because they had to drive home. James answered with, "Yep. My boyfriend's working tonight, so he's sober. He's my ride."

"Your boyfriend will give you a ride anytime." Kendall waggled his eyebrows, showing he wasn't talking about cars anymore. Jett laughed, Dak pretended to vomit, and James blushed. "Love that blush." He said as he took James' glass, filled it, and then left them to get back to work.

The bar stayed packed until closing time. They had to force people out, which he had to admit felt pretty fucking good. They had karaoke now, which Round Table hadn't had before, and it was a hit.

Kendall let the staff go, wanting to be alone with James in the moment.

Dak and Jett were the last to leave. Just before they walked out the door, Dak pulled him into a hug.

"I'm proud of you, Ken. This...having you back...everything is perfect now."

And it really fucking was.

"Thank you. I feel the same way."

When they pulled away, Jett nodded at him, giving Kendall a smile. He returned it, then locked the door behind him, finally alone with James.

"Come on, babe. You deserve a drink." James took Kendall's hand and pulled him over to a booth where he sat Kendall down.

He watched James as he walked behind the bar, made a drink, and then brought it to Kendall before sitting beside him. The second he did, Kendall let his head find James' shoulder, inhaled his scent, and let it wash through him.

"I did it." He whispered.

"You did. Tonight was perfect. Are you happy?"

"Happier than I ever thought was possible."

James slipped his arm around Kendall's shoulders and kissed his forehead. "Yeah, me too."

"It's amazing...when I look back at my life, at everything I've been through and everything I've seen...You told me once that I lived a lot of life, but it didn't feel like it...like living. It felt I'd existed through a lot of life. This? _This_ is living."

He paused, and James didn't reply. Like always, he knew what Kendall needed, they were on the same wavelength, and he just knew Kendall wasn't finished.

"I came to Lakeview to find myself again, or hell, to find myself for the first time. I didn't know what I wanted, just that something was missing. I found everything I didn't know I needed, in you. In _us_. This is living, Sweet Tooth, you and me. Everything else is just icing on the cake."

"Mmm. I love cake." James teased, and Kendall laughed.

"My crazy little Sweet Tooth."

"Crazy for you." James replied. "It's funny…"

"What is?"

"You came here looking for something, but I didn't know anything was missing until you. But we both found what we need in each other. I wouldn't even have known how empty my life was until you came to fill it."

 _Well, shit._ That was…

"I totally just swooned again." Kendall replied.

He sat up and tilted his head toward James, who pressed his lips to Kendall's. Their tongues moved slowly, and Kendall's chest swelled so big, he wasn't sure he could contain it.

"You're turning me all sappy and sugary, Sweet Tooth."

"Just how I like you." James replied. "Now let's get this bar cleaned up so we can go home and I can show you just how proud I am of you."

Kendall cocked a brow. "Show me how?"

"With my mouth...my tongue...my hands, cock, ass, whatever you want. It's your special night."

"I just want you."

"That's good, because you have me, and I just want you, too."

They cleaned the bar together, then locked up, and Kendall drove his cherry-red Charger to their home, where he parked it right next to James' black one. They went into the house, stripped each other bare, and touched and loved one another, the way Kendall couldn't wait to do every day for the rest of their lives.

* * *

 **Done! Of course, I couldn't end it without Kames together and happy. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter and story in general, as well as if you happened to have any favorite parts/moments!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! I had such a fun time with this story, and would like to thank you all once again for your support and for joining me on this ride! :)**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


End file.
